Brene brown tasc

This is a work of nonfiction. Nonetheless, some of the names and personal characteristics of the individuals involved have been changed in order to disguise their identities. Any resulting

resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental and unintentional.

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Copyright © 2018 by Brené Brown

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Published in the United States by Random House, an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA Names: Brown, Brené, author.

Title: Dare to lead: brave work, tough conversations, whole hearts / Brené Brown. Description: New York: Random House, [2018] | Includes index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2018038094 | ISBN 9780399592522 (hardback) | ISBN 9780399592546 (ebook) | ISBN 9781984854032 (international edition)

Subjects: LCSH: Leadership. Classification: LCC HD57.7 .B764 2018 | DDC 658.4/092—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/​2018038094

Ebook ISBN 9780399592546

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Contents

Cover Title Page Copyright A Note from Brené

Introduction: Brave Leaders and Courage Cultures

Part One: Rumbling with Vulnerability Section One: The Moment and the Myths Section Two: The Call to Courage Section Three: The Armory Section Four: Shame and Empathy Section Five: Curiosity and Grounded Confidence

Part Two: Living into Our Values

Part Three: Braving Trust

Part Four: Learning to Rise

Dedication Acknowledgments Notes By Brené Brown About the Author

People often ask me if I still get nervous when I speak in public. The answer is yes. I’m always nervous. Experience keeps me from being scared, but I’m still nervous. First, people are offering me their most precious gift—their time. Time is, hands down, our most coveted, most unrenewable resource. If being on the receiving end of one of life’s most valuable gifts fails to leave you with a lump in your throat or butterflies in your stomach, then you’re not paying attention.

Second, speaking is vulnerable. I don’t memorize my lines or have a set shtick that I do verbatim. Effective speaking is about the unpredictable and uncontrollable art of connection. Even though it’s just me onstage and possibly ten thousand people sitting in folding chairs in a convention center, I try to look into as many pairs of eyes as I can. So, yes. I’m always nervous.

I have a couple of tricks that I’ve developed over the past several years that help me stay centered. Even though it makes event production teams crazy, I always ask for the stage lights to be at 50 percent. When they’re at 100 percent, you can’t see the audience at all, and I don’t like talking into the void. I need to see enough faces to know if we’re in sync. Are the words and images pulling us together or pushing us apart? Are they recognizing their experiences in my stories? People make very specific faces when they’re hearing something that rings true for them. They nod and smile and sometimes cover their faces with their hands. When it’s not landing, I get the side tilt. And less laughter.

I have another trick I use when anxious event organizers try encouraging me to up my game by describing the status of the audience members. An organizer might say, “Hey, Brené, just so you

know, the audience tonight includes top military brass.” They’ll mention the high-level corporate leaders, elite members of this or that super special group, the top glass-ceiling breakers in the world, or, my favorite, “These actually are rocket scientists who will probably hate what you’re saying, so stick to the data.” This strategy is often employed when the audience seems somewhat resistant because they don’t know why I’m there, or, worst-case scenario, they don’t know why they’ve been forced to be there with me.

In these cases, my strategy is a take on the classic “picture the audience naked” trick. Rather than picturing naked people sitting in auditorium chairs, which just doesn’t work for me, I picture people without the armor of their titles, positions, power, or influence. When I spot the woman in the audience who has her lips pursed and her arms tightly folded across her chest, I picture what she looked like in third grade. If I’m hooked by the guy who keeps shaking his head and making comments like “Winners aren’t weak at work,” I try to picture him holding a child or sitting with his therapist. Or, honestly, sitting with the therapist I think he should see.