Passive congenial marriage

Chapter 8

Thompson: “The way the whole issue of family life in America is framed politically and culturally is dependent on utopian images of the family that come out of 50’s television”

Old TV shows did not actually reflect the American family; instead, they established the notion of what a perfect American family is supposed to be.

Love & Marriage

Prior to the Industrial Revolution, marriage in the US was a practical arrangement between two families

Different countries have different ideas of the role of love in choosing a mate

Emphasis on romantic love as a basis for marriage emphasizes individual gratification

Romantic love can be seen as a danger to the integrity of the structure of the community or nation

Hindu view: “a marriage is something that affects so many people, relatives, ancestors, neighbors, and friends, in serious ways. How can you possibly leave it up to one young person, driven by lust and passion, to make a sound decision?”

There isn’t much agreement on this topic, in terms of who should be allowed to marry, the steps leading to marriage, and the expectations once married

Despite the differences in conceptualization, marriage has not lost its ideological significance

US has highest marriage rate; 90% of all Americans will marry

But individuals are waiting longer to get married, may cohabit at some point, and divorce easier

Some form of marriage exists in all societies around the world

Who we believe to be good/bad partners, what we believe to be acceptable/unacceptable are the products of factors including family, culture, tradition, religion, media, social contacts and other factors like technology and globalization

Why Do People Get Married?

Main reason people get married is because of love. After that, main reasons are companionship, wanting children, and happiness

Marriage for the “Right” Reasons:

Emotional Security – looking for an emotional and enduring relationship

Companionship – want to avoid being alone

Parenthood

Marriage for the “Wrong” Reasons:

Physical attraction

Economic security

Pressure from parents, peers, partners….pregnancy

Escape, rebellion, rebound, rescue

Fraudulent marriage

Interracial Marriage

A major key in predicting the happiness of interracial marriages is the extent to which the couple is aware of how their union is perceived by others with regard to racial issues, and how much social support they receive for their relationship from relatives and friends

Rates of intermarriage in the US have increased in the past 30 years, but not dramatically

African Americans least likely to marry outside of their group

Black women least likely to be in an interracial marriage

About 1/3 as likely as Black men to marry someone from another race

The higher the education level of the partners, the greater the chance of intermarriage

1/5 of all married Asian women are married to someone of another race; more than double the rate of Asian men

Native Americans, Hawaiians and individuals of mixed race (duh) have the highest interracial marriage rate

70% of all interracial couples in 2000 include:

A person of “some other race” + White spouse

Black husband + White wife

White husband + Native American wife

Asian women + White husbands

Expectations of Marriage

Marriage as a Rite of Passage:

Rite of Passage – an event signaling a major change from one social status to another

Engagement

Wedding

Honeymoon

Marriage in Expectation of Sexual Exclusivity & Permanence:

Most partners assume that their relationship will be built around 2 promises: sexual exclusivity and permanence.

Marriage as a Legal Commitment:

By making a legal, contractual commitment, the state where you live has an interest in how you terminate the marriage, how property is divided, and how children are shared.

Marital Quality

Marital quality is composed of 2 factors: marital stability and marital satisfaction

Research has a lack of information about the underlying factors influencing marital processes and outcomes among diverse groups

Participants who became parents by the 3rd year of marriage had higher levels of tension

In a survey of 247 Black and White women, they found that equity, trust and emotional health predicted marital happiness

Among Black women, their physical health and the closeness of their relationship to their in-laws also predicted marital well-being

Upper class vs. lower class expectations

3 contractual marital agreements:

Covenant marriage – is an anti-divorce contract where couples demonstrate their commitment to marriage by a) getting premarital counseling, b)getting therapy when needed, and c) agreeing not to divorce until after 2 years of separation, or after proving adultery or abuse

Prenuptual agreement

Postnuptual agreement

Phases in the Family Life Cycle

1. The Beginning Phase: Most Marital Satisfaction

“Identity bargaining”

Loss of independence

New friends & relatives

Defining career & domestic roles

2. Child-Rearing Phase: Less Marital Satisfaction

Period of less marital satisfaction is correlated with the most intense periods of childbearing and childrearing

Changes during childrearing years: