Which sentence is the most concise, having eliminated wordy phrases and obvious fillers?

Concision

The goal of concise writing is to use the most effective words. Concise writing does not

always have the fewest words, but it always uses the strongest ones. Writers often fill

sentences with weak or unnecessary words that can be deleted or replaced. Words and

phrases should be deliberately chosen for the work they are doing. Like bad employees,

words that don’t accomplish enough should be fired. When only the most effective words

remain, writing will be far more concise and readable.

1. Replace several vague words with a more specific word. Often, writers use several

small and ambiguous words to express a concept, wasting energy expressing ideas better

relayed through fewer specific words. As a general rule, more specific words lead to

more concise writing. Notice that the examples below actually convey more as they drop

in word count.

Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for

her. (14 words)

Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her. (6 words)

Wordy: Our Web site has made available many of the things you can use for making

a decision on the best dentist. (20 words)

Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist. (9 words)

2. Cut the dead weight. Check every word to make sure that it is providing something

important and unique to a sentence. If words add no real meaning or imagery, they can be

deleted.

Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting

words from my essay that I had written for class. (22 words)

Concise: The teacher demonstrated methods for cutting words from my essay. (10

words)

3. Combine sentences. Some information does not require a full sentence and can easily

be inserted into another sentence without losing any value.

Wordy: Ludwig’s castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his

death, he had commissioned three castles. (18 words)

Concise: Ludwig’s three castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness.

(11 words)

Eliminating Words

4. Eliminate the obvious and extraneous details. If passages explain or describe details

that would already be obvious to readers, delete or reword them. Readers are adept at

filling in the non-essential aspects of a narrative.

Wordy: I received your inquiry that you wrote about tennis rackets yesterday, and

read it thoroughly. (16 words)

Concise: I received your inquiry about tennis rackets yesterday. (8 words)

5. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers. Writers sometimes clog up their

prose with words or phrases that seem to modify the meaning of a noun but don’t actually

add any real meaning. Although such words and phrases can be meaningful in the

appropriate context, they are often used as “filler” and can easily be eliminated.

Wordy: Any particular type of dessert is fine with me. (9 words)

Concise: Any dessert is fine. (4 words)

Wordy: Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of

extra help.(14 words)

Concise: Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help. (10 words)

Words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences clearer:

• kind of

• sort of

• type of

• really

• basically

• for all intents and purposes

• definitely

• actually

• generally

• individual

• specific

• particular

6. Eliminate redundant pairs. Many pairs of words imply each other. “Finish” implies

“complete,” so the phrase “completely finish” is redundant in most cases. So are many

other pairs of words:

• past memories

• various differences

• each individual _______

• basic fundamentals

• true facts

• future plans

• terrible tragedy

• end result

• final outcome

• free gift

• past history

• unexpected surprise

A related expression that’s not redundant as much as it is illogical is “very unique.” Since

unique means “one of a kind,” adding modifiers of degree such as “very,” “especially,”

and “extremely” makes no sense. One-of-a-kind-ness has no gradations; something is

either unique or it is not.

Wordy: Before the travel agent was completely able to finish explaining the various

differences among all of the many very unique vacation packages his travel agency

was offering, the customer changed her future plans. (33 words)

Concise: Before the travel agent finished explaining the differences among the

unique vacation packages his travel agency was offering, the customer changed her

plans. (23 words)

7. Eliminate redundant categories. Specific words imply their general categories, so we

usually don’t have to state both. We know that a period is a segment of time, that pink is

a color, that shiny is an appearance. In each of the following phrases, the general category

term can be dropped, leaving just the specific descriptive word:

• large in size

• often times

• of a bright color

• heavy in weight

• period in time

• round in shape

• at an early time

• field of economics

• of cheap quality

• honest in character

• of an uncertain condition

• in a confused state

• unusual in nature

• extreme in degree

• of a strange type

Wordy: During that time period, many car buyers preferred cars that were pink in

color and shiny in appearance. (18 words)

Concise: During that period, many buyers preferred pink, shiny cars. (10 words)

Wordy: The microscope revealed a group of organisms that were round in shape and

peculiar in nature. (16 words)

Concise: The microscope revealed a group of peculiar round organisms. (9 words)

Changing Phrases

8. Change phrases into single-word adjectives. Using phrases to convey meaning that

could be presented in a single word contributes to wordiness. Convert phrases into single

words when possible.

Wordy: The employee with ambition ... (4 words)

Concise: The ambitious employee ... (3 words)

Wordy: The department showing the best performance ... (6 words)

Concise: The best-performing department ... (4 words)

Wordy: We read the letter we received yesterday and reviewed it thoroughly.

Concise: We thoroughly read the letter we received yesterday.

9. Change unnecessary that, who, and which clauses into phrases. It adds wordiness

to use a clause to convey meaning that could be conveyed with a short phrase or even a

single word.

Wordy: The report, which was released recently ... (6 words)

Concise: The recently released report ... (4 words)

Wordy: All applicants who are interested in the job must ... (9 words)

Concise: All interested job applicants must ... (5 words)

Wordy: The system that is most efficient and accurate... (8 words)

Concise: The most efficient and accurate system... (6 words)

10. Change passive verbs into active verbs. In passive voice, the doer of the action is

pushed into to the object slot of the sentence or eliminated altogether. Not only is this

often awkward, but it also adds the construction to be + (past participle) + by. To

convert it to active voice, simply make the doer of the action the subject of the sentence.

Wordy: An account was opened by Mrs. Simms. (7 words)

Concise: Mrs. Simms opened an account. (5 words)

Wordy: Your figures were checked by the research department. (8 words)

Concise: The research department checked your figures. (6 words)

Avoid Common Pitfalls

11. Avoid starting sentences with expletives (“it is” and “there are”). Expletives can

be rhetorically effective for emphasis in some situations, but unnecessary use creates

wordy prose. The most common kind of unnecessary expletive construction involves an

expletive followed by a noun and a relative clause beginning with that, which, or who. In

most cases, concise sentences can be created by eliminating the expletive opening,

making the noun the subject of the sentence, and eliminating the relative pronoun.

Wordy: It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills. (9 words)

Concise: The governor signs or vetoes bills. (6 words)

Wordy: There are four rules that should be observed (8 words)

Concise: Four rules should be observed (5 words)

Wordy: There was a big explosion, which shook the windows. (9 words)

Concise: A big explosion shook the windows. (6 words)

Wordy: It is imperative that we find a solution.

Concise: We must find a solution.

12. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs. Use verbs when possible rather than noun

forms, also known as nominalizations. Sentences with many nominalizations usually

have forms of be as the main verbs. Use the action verb in the nominalization as the main

verbs to create engaging rather than dull prose.

Wordy: The function of this department is the collection of accounts. (10 words)

Concise: This department collects accounts. (4 words)

Wordy: The current focus of the medical profession is disease prevention. (10 words)

Concise: The medical profession currently focuses on disease prevention. (8 words)

13. Avoid unnecessary infinitive phrases. Some infinitive phrases can be converted into

finite verbs or brief noun phrases. Making such changes also often results in the

replacement of a be-verb with an action verb.

Wordy: The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and to record it. (15 words)

Concise: A clerk checks and records all incoming mail. (8 words)

Wordy: A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush

hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service. (23 words)

Concise: A teller shortage at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush

hours has caused customer dissatisfaction. (18 words)

14. Avoid circumlocutions in favor of direct expressions. Circumlocutions are

roundabout expressions that take several words to say what could be said more

succinctly. We often overlook them because many such expressions are habitual figures

of speech. In writing, though, they should be avoided since they add extra words without

extra meaning.

Wordy: At this point in time (5 words)

Concise: Now (1 word)

Wordy: In accordance with your request (5 words)

Concise: As you requested (3 words)

Below are some other words which may simplify lengthier circumlocutions.

• “because,” “since,” “why” =

o for the reason that

o due to the fact that

o considering the fact that

o on the grounds that

o this is why

• “when” =

o on the occasion of

o in a situation in which

o under circumstances in which

• “about” =

o as regards

o in reference to

o with regard to

o concerning the matter of

o where ________ is concerned

• “must,” “should” =

o it is crucial that

o it is necessary that

o there is a need/necessity for

o it is important that

• “can” =

o is able to

o has the opportunity to

o has the capacity for

o has the ability to

• “may,” “might,” “could” =

o it is possible that

o there is a chance that

o it could happen that

o the possibility exists for

15. Avoid opinion tags. Readers will know the opinion belongs to the writer. They will

also know it’s not a fact. A tag only dilutes its power and adds unnecessary words.

Wordy: I believe student fees should not be raised. (8 words)

Concise: Student fees should not be raised. (6 words)

Wordy: Tupac Shakur is, in my humble opinion, the greatest rapper ever. (10 words)

Concise: Tupac Shakur is the greatest rapper ever. (7 words)

Applied Sciences

Architecture and Design

Biology

Business & Finance

Chemistry

Computer Science

Geography

Geology

Education

Engineering

English

Environmental science

Spanish

Government

History

Human Resource Management

Information Systems

Law

Literature

Mathematics

Nursing

Physics

Political Science

Psychology

Reading

Science

Social Science

Home

Blog

Archive

Contact

google+twitterfacebook

Copyright © 2019 HomeworkMarket.com