Essay on a Canvas Filled with Experience

A teenage boy, wandering through the snowy streets of Paris, eating tasty croissants and Nutella filled crepes, near the Eiffel Tower, surrounded by old buildings which have interesting structural designs and history invested into them. It was something the teenage boy has never seen in his life, and he wanted to see more of it. However, his trip came to a quick stop, and he had to head back home to his busy life. He missed that sort of lifestyle full of enjoyment based on the laid back, relaxed, quietness. When he got home, he decided to sign up for a three-month exchange program to France in grade eleven. He thought it as a everlasting choice and approach of his life and then realized that after every single bad there is something good waiting for you.

            Before the exchange, I was depressed and felt lost. I did not feel like I resided anywhere, and I did not know where I belonged in society. Every night, I kept coming back to my desk playing on my computer to escape my consciousness. It was like a drug. And I kept trying it again expecting different results. But they never occurred. I needed some change that would bring a permanent release from my feelings and help me to find peace of mind. One week before I left, thoughts and nightmares of useless worrying made me shrink in my bed. I already wanted to quit, yet the battle hadn’t even started. I said my goodbyes to friends and family, and it was finally time to leave for a new journey of life.

            The first six weeks in France were the worst weeks of my life. It was constantly pouring, cold, and the sky was filled with grey clouds. I got two to three hours of sleep every night. I didn’t leave the house unless it was for school and I did not get along with my exchange partner at all. He would constantly trash on my home country, on how awful I was at the French language, and would not socialize with me unless it was at the dinner table. I didn’t have an escape as I did back home, so I started looking for some, ones I never want to do again. My home in France was covered with a logging river and I thought here that is my life is worthy for anyone as if I am disappeared, there is anyone who would be affected by my non-existence. I hit the rock bottom of the river and felt so bad that I’ve never felt worse in my life. I cried so much, I couldn’t stop myself. It got to the point where it hurt to cry, my eyes were bloodshot and would sting. I remember one night, I was staring at the ceiling of my room. It was probably two to three hours of feeling like all my problems were penetrating my mind. The ceiling was white, like an empty canvas, waiting for someone to come along and paint it.

That night, I called my parents and told them I needed to come home. I told them about everything I felt, and that I couldn't take it anymore. There’s no point, is there? I was crying hysterically, but my parents told me one thing, and one thing that I will keep in my heart till the end of time. “If you quit this now, you will not be able to succeed at anything else you try in your life.”. 

So I stayed. 

            At the six week mark, my life in France did a 180. All the US Exchange students met and we travelled around France together for a week. The trip was amazing and to see the natural beauty of France, and pleasant to see the ocean waters and clear sky for the first time in a while, it was exactly what I needed. A break from the hectic life. On this trip, I also found out that I wasn't alone. I wasn’t the only one feeling homesick and having a horrible exchange partner. The trip opened my eyes a little. It made me realize that there’s hope. The excursion came to a halt, and back to hell, it was. Or so I thought.

The moment I got back, I bought a skateboard for myself. I needed to find an excuse to go outside and to see the world that I have been missing out on. I started going to cafes, making friends, going shopping, and jogging twice a week. I went to this park nearby and saw flowers blossoming and vibrant colors. I realized that there was more to life than being cooped up in my room waiting for a miracle to happen. It was up to me to make a miracle happen; my life was in my hands. It was something I've never felt before. A new sensation. I liked it. I loved it.

Throughout the last six weeks, I started to notice how I was becoming more confident, mature and positive. My worries disappeared. My hatred disappeared. I found myself at last.

May 25th, 2018. The night before I had to leave. I was lying in my bed face up to the ceiling while listening to music. The ceiling was painted with colors from the sunset. My once blank canvas was now filled with so many moments from the exchange. There was a smile on my face. Not because it was finally over, but because I have so many memories and lessons to keep as I headed back to the US.

After this rollercoaster of emotions and experiences, I saw my family and friends once again. I couldn't stop smiling. I was so happy to see them! Settling back into my normal life was easy, but I carried some new and improved characteristics. First of all, the past introverted, low self-esteem, and no confidence Greg faded like an old photograph, it was no longer a part of me. I became a lot more extroverted after the trip, and I stopped worrying about what society thought of me. I also become more mature and responsible after the exchange. After going through a lot in France, I realized that little problems are so easy to solve. I learned that drama is so pointless, and I try to be the bigger person in any situation. Last, and most important is that I learned to never give up on anything because you can miss out on the most amazing time of your life. I don't regret anything I did in France, for my decisions made me who I am today. An optimistic, caring and the compassionate teenage boy.

In the end, I can describe this moment that changed my perspective on life using Newton's third law, which explains that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The issues I went through during my exchange in France were depressing, traumatic, and filled with negativity. But my reaction to these issues when I finished my exchange was positive: I became more mature, became more confident in myself, my anxiety and worries are almost completely gone, I am at the tranquillity. I am so appreciative that I had the opportunity to do something so brave like this. It’s something I always compare my bad days to, because I know one bad day will never top the things I felt abroad. It was the best experience of my life and had great impact on my thoughts as well as my life.