Discussion on It is hard to talk to girls. I try not to look at them as girls, and instead just look at them as people, but it’s hard. Well…they look like girls!

It is hard to talk to girls. I try not to look at them as girls, and instead just look at them as people, but it’s hard. Well…they look like girls!

Educations 

Confession, I chuckled and then laughed out loud. My curiosity was piqued further, and I read the numerous comments below. Many men related to this caption humorously.

However, a few minutes later, I went into deep contemplation. Perhaps, just perhaps this humor was a façade. Maybe, there was an underlying issue where some men had trouble talking to women. They could not muster a simple, “Hello,” at the checkout store or even avert their eyes and not look directly at women when they were talking to them.

I have genuinely seen men get lonelier as they grow old because they cannot find a woman. "Why does it have to be so hard?" They often ask this question. This problem is not just limited to a few men, I have witnessed it increasingly in the last few years. I used to think it was ironic because there are so many means to communicate now. The internet has opened all sorts of opportunities, yet these men still can’t seem to find a woman. I talked to a few of them, and their problem ranged from individual to individual. Some could not communicate effectively; while some of them are just nervous as they don’t know what the girl will think or how she will response, and there are also some who don’t know how to start a communication to have good response in reaction, some also have bad short term experiences and they have trust issues. Some people did not know how to get serious in commitment or to get a committed partner in return too.

All the men I spoke to had the following questions:

"I wish I could know what women are thinking?"

"Why are they so complex?"

"Why can they not just say what is on their minds?"

I knew I had to write this book. This book is not what women think about twenty-four seven, but it does give a gist of their thinking, and how you can use that to your benefit to find yourself a woman, to approach her, to form a relationship with her and to maintain that relationship.

Let’s Begin.

Chapter 1 – Self-Awareness and Motivation

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

Albert Einstein

Innumerable times I have witnessed people expressing that they should do something. I am so fat, I should lose weight, I really should not leave this assignment hanging till the due date, I should apologize and thank my parents before it is too late, I should tell her I am interested in her already. 

However, they still do not do it. 

Even when they know they will regret it later; they are still not able to do it. And soon, excuses start to pop up. I should love myself as I am (when they really do not), I still have time, my parents already know my feelings. I do not need to state to them specifically or maybe I'll tell them tomorrow, and she probably will freak out, so I'd rather not take the risk.

And this is exactly what failure is.

Failure is not when you do something and do not get results. In fact, failure is not doing something which should be done and expecting results. This ‘doing' cannot just be any doing. It has to be sincere, honest, be consistent and persistent.

As I have explained before, you will get answers in this book. However, you will not see the results unless you do something, make yourself responsible for what you want, work for it and take responsibility as the application will be crucial here.

So, prepare yourself and be ready to act on the things which have been mentioned otherwise you will just end up on square one. You will complain about how this book was a waste of your time and did not help at all. You may perhaps express your feelings for me in a very colorful language and say I have no idea what I am talking about. However, before you do that, pause here and think. 

Are you ready to commit to what it takes… or are you just reading and have no plans of applying?

Take that pause.

If the answer is you are, then be true to yourself and be ready for some ACTION. 

Beginning now, if I tell you to do twenty pushups in the morning but you cannot do them, still attempt to do them. If you need as many as two or three breaks to get through these twenty pushups, take those breaks! Why you may ask? Because it is not about the pushups, it is about what they stand for. They showcase discipline and perseverance. They are metaphors for everything we are scared of failing at; everything we end up not attempting. These pushups are more than just some exercise in the morning. They are the beginning of your journey towards a newer and better you.

If you are not ready for the application, then this book might still be helpful, but just not as effective. (Don’t be a half-ass person. I am talking about commitment, not a half-hearted attempt!). Okay, it is as simple as this. If I ask you to get a gym membership, no excuses. If you cannot afford one, work out at home. 

Throughout the book, this phenomenon will be applied: If I ask you to do something do the BEST you can do along those lines. And no, this does not include you saying you absolutely cannot skip that late-night snack.

Now that I have established the ground rules, and I have the attention of men ready for some work, the first step of preparation is to begin with you. I am talking about Self Awareness. 

Self-Awareness: Are you someone who is still confused about this complex being that you are? Are you still searching and exploring answers yet finding almost none? If yes, then well enough. Really. This struggle to know who you are and what you want to become has always been a never-ending battle, such as a war between choosing to eat a pizza or a burger. (I should stop using food references if I want to encourage you to work out, but oh well, learning how to ignore temptation is equally significant.

Before starting this journey of self-discovery is honestly on the front line. Why do I then include self-discovery in a book about relationships you ask? Knowing yourself will ultimately tell you what exactly you want, or who exactly you want in this case. This will help you to understand the qualities you like and dislike in not just yourself but the person you want to share a life with. And knowing this will give you the major draft of how to find your partner.

Another essential question you should now ask yourself is why you are doing this? Why do you want a partner? How important is it for you? What is the real reason you reading this book? List the reasons;( 1-5 )

 this is important because it will act as your motivation. If I say you need this motivation, it will still be an understatement. If you are not motivated you will probably leave everything in the middle or not start out with the commitment; you should have started out with and hence would take three sixty degrees turn.

How Do You Bring About Self Awareness?

Breathing: We breathe but do you know there is something called breathing consciously. Breathing is essential for many situations in life. I notice that when I control my breathing, I make a better judgment in high-tension situations. I take a few deep breaths and gently breath out. It instantly relaxes me.

Breathing helps you to come back in the present time. Breathing consciously is great addition in meditation. Breathing can ground our self-awareness and make a framework where body and mind is in more relaxed form. Yogic breathing is very helpful especially in times of stress.

Oxygen is the most essential natural resource required by our cells. We can go without food for up to 40 days and without water for 3 days, yet we can die after just a few minutes of not breathing. From a purely physical point of view, breath equals life.

Yogic breathing helped me a lot in completing this book. When I want my mind to wander, I take deep breaths, I experienced many changes like I became more focused for my taste. This tip stayed as a companion for me. So, I really want you all to do this while you are dealing with difficult fight with your own self deep down

Breathing Tip: If you are ever caught in a very tense situation, take a deep breath in through your nostrils.  Hold for a count of four and release slowly through your mouth. Repeat that for 5 breaths, and you will see yourself calm down.

Meditation: Meditation is not just about sitting in one spot and humming ‘Om Om Om’ over and over again in your yoga pants. Meditation is a way to get to know yourself. It is inherently necessary for you to venture into your own being and become familiar with your wants and your needs, your likes and your dislikes. Unless you focus on learning about yourself, you can never possibly succeed in any relationship, be it a personal or a professional one. Know yourself to know your partner.

TASK TIME 

Get your phone and go to your alarm settling and set an alarm for 1omin earlier then your original alarm, so basically you will have two alarm. The first one to wake you up to meditate and the 2nd one is to wake you up to wake your day 

2nd part of the task is you could lay down in your bed (try not to go back to bed) or you could sit up. Try not to think about noting just let your mind wonder. You could do this daily

 Meditate to know yourself. This is the spiritual start to the life you want to have. While you are meditating, you are actually training your mind to think what you want into. Usually, when you are thinking, you have no actual choice or pattern involving the way in which you think or what you are thinking of. In meditation, however, you can actively train your mind and consciously focus on what you want to think about for long periods of time. When I meditate, I close my eyes and think about what my next thought is going to be.

I do that by observing the mind. 

So, you ask, how do I observe my mind?

If you overthinking on what you want to do 95% you won’t do it. Get out your head. That’s where self-awareness come to play. Being self-aware means, you know what you are thinking. You are aware of your feelings and emotions as they will keep on unfolding. And then you can see your behavior without being attached to something right or wrong. Distressing the emotions and realizing about your abilities can allow you to take a break, examine yourself and make a correct decision about how to take the next step instead of reacting in furry and impulsively.

Quick story- I was on my way back to school on the bus when this gorgeous girl enters on the bus. I see her from a far but she was walking toward me, then I thought she’ll seat next to me but she seats in the seat in front of me. In my mind I was contemplating should I get up and seat next her. I had a funny feeling that the guy that was seating across me was eyeing her too. So less than a minute went pass the guy across from me got up from his seat and sat with the girl I want to talk to.  In a soft voice I said motherfucker. At the point I can’t get upset towards the guy, cause the only person that stopped me was (you know who?) my mind aka the best finesser. Your mind could talk you out of anything until you control it.

The point of the story is your mind is powerful and you could control it-

Below are 7 effective steps. Do not skip the order. Follow these steps exactly as described below for the steps to work for you.

1. Eyes Closed: This helps you remove the external distractions and concentrate on what is internal.

2. Take 5-6 Deep Breaths: This allows for you to have clarity and stay focused.

3. Allow for thoughts to enter the mind

Observe the thoughts which are coming in and thoughts going out.

4. Analyze the thoughts

Is there a pattern to your thoughts, what is the frequency of recurring through?

5. How are you identifying with your thoughts?

This part is very important as this has an impact on your well-being. Are these thoughts consuming you, are they destructive or constructive?

6. Take 5-6 Deep Breaths

Bring the focus back to your breathing.

7. Observe your reaction

What seemed like a failed date or a fear of prejudice, racism, anxiety all seem to have a lesser impact than initially thought/anticipated. Observing your mind allows you to soften the impact of certain events/actions which happen in life. 

With practice, I recommend a daily practice for at least 10 minutes. This will allow you to heal, grow, connect with your inner-self and this will then be translated to real life when you have to deal with situations where instead of feeling anxious or nervous, you have more control over your emotions, and can make better decisions and be able to cope with rejections.

Since this book is about relationships, I came across this fascinating You-Tuber, Aaron Doughty. He has quite a collection of videos on mediation and the law of attraction but what fascinated me the most was one of his videos on Reality Transurfing Meditation for Decreasing Importance. 

The essence of his message is as follows:

He gives an example of being at the DMV and how annoying it is about how long it is taking. He explains there are so many people and collectively, everyone is thinking of the same thing. Everyone is linking to the same thoughts, and that is why everyone is feeling it is taking so long there. Aaron explains that you must be aware of your thoughts and your emotions. We share our thoughts with so many people, and we must choose what we want to experience to balance the forces of energy. 

To put it simply, if it is a relationship or a crush you have developed, be careful not to put it up on a pedestal; thinking this person is far more important than you are that it makes it so hard to connect with them. It creates resistance and that will most likely repel the person. By putting them on the pedestal, you are distancing yourself from that person, not getting close to them. If you put someone so high up and think you cannot match up to them, you won’t. You should think that you have already achieved it and that feeling of exhilaration and excitement should be there from the get-go. Also, your self-image takes an unnecessary beating when you think someone or something is more important than you.

So, guys, listen up. You are you. It is about equality in a relationship and in most cases, when you put someone on a pedestal, that to me is not equality. You are hero-worshipping someone who is going to be a potential long-term partner.

Ask yourself this important question: Do you want to be with a superheroine or with someone grounded and genuine like you. Remember, it can sometimes backfire if you put a person on a pedestal because then they think that you will do anything for them in a relationship and may threaten to walk away if they do not get that “attention” you initially showered on them.

Also, why on earth would you sell yourself short? Seriously think about this!!

One thing that help me dealing with beautiful girl is looking at them as 5s, I use to act shy when I’m around beautiful girl because I thought they should be treated differently. I became more comfortable to any beautiful girl that comes my way and every girl getting 

Meditation Tip: When you meditate, close your eyes and think about what your next thought is going to be... Go ahead try it now... your mind was peaceful for 5 to 10 seconds before the first thought popped up. With practice over time, you can actively choose a thought that you would like to focus on and try to think about that for the next 5 minutes. Try doing that right now, but the more you practice it, the more peaceful and stable that thought becomes.

Motivation: Motivate yourself with the best things you see couples enjoying. Maybe it is the fact that you want someone to come home to after a long day of work. This can act as your motivator to struggle to find someone. Or maybe you desire to have kids and grow old with someone can be motivation to search for someone with the same shared interest. Perhaps you want to be passionate with someone you are in love with, and this can act as your end reward and, hence as a motivator. The control you have over your motivation is ultimately self-discipline, and this discipline is crucial. Otherwise, any task becomes futile. 

The main ways of gaining discipline, in the simplest of terms, are focusing on a task, completing it, and rewarding yourself. Smaller rewards are also very beneficial as positive reinforcement and increase your likelihood of doing the task again for example after reading this book, award yourself with a watch because you put the time to improve yourself and you earned it or anything else you value.

This habit of self-discipline will help you in many life situations; it's one of the reasons why people who have been successful in losing weight stress the importance of a cheat day after a week. Now that you are prepared to act, know your purpose, can focus on your motivator and are disciplining yourself, in turn, you are equipped to understand what exactly you need to do to achieve that purpose; a journey which might end up changing your life.

While you might be keeping yourself motivated by all of the things mentioned above, remember that this is not the only thing you must do. You cannot simply dream of all the things you want in the future. Think in the, NOW! Think in terms of everything you can do in the present that can aid your journey towards what you wish to achieve. It will not be easy. There are times when the present and everything in it will discourage you so much so that you will want to give up. But the thing is, this present is the key to that future. Unless you learn to think in the present, you can never be the future you that you wish to be.

My Journey with Motivation: When I started writing this book about five years ago, I had inconsistent, lazy days, weeks and even months on end. I would stop writing for and would not feel motivated to continue with this book. It became so bad that I would stay at home and not do anything because I did not have any motivation at all. Even though I would be thinking about this book and what my plan for this book was, it would have no effect whatsoever on me writing it. I was not motivated to act on what I wanted to do, which is why there would be days in which I accomplished nothing. I started to look up motivation videos on YouTube which helped for a day or two, but it would all fade away eventually. 

“True motivation starts inside of you. The rest will just fade

away.”

It was then that I realized that I could never find motivation from the outside. I had to look within myself to figure out what motivation I truly needed, and after some introspection, I actually found it.  I would never want to live with the regret of not doing something in life or not giving it my all. I would never want to be that guy who is on his deathbed thinking about how I should have worked on my goal in life. You can only find faith after you actually act on it, which is why finding the motivation to work on your goal is incredibly important. 

Whilst saying all that, I still urge you to remember to be grateful for what you have and who you are today. Why? Unless you become grateful for who you are and what you have, you will never learn to truly be appreciative of what you have. Even when you are in a relationship, you will never be truly happy with it. You will not appreciate her or the love you have. It all starts with being grateful for the now. All the things I say go hand in hand.

Also, remember that this journey might have negative effects on you, for example, you may be doing everything right but the other person acts unfair and makes the wrong decisions and you, in turn, get your heart broken. Relationships are sensitive, with factors influencing them from all sides; this is why it is tough to write books on them. You should understand that even if you read a million books on how to gain material success, that can still not be guaranteed that you will gain it. Those books are just there to explain to your ways of how to gain success and sure it might increase your chances of gaining success, but at the end, you have to leave part of your life on destiny. 

So, know that your life can change for the better or, the worse, be prepared for that and keep your headstrong, and do not stalk me and murder me in an alley if things do not work out (not giving any ideas). Do not come looking for me to start any problems because I’ll give you the business, just a side not. (back to the book) If you have genuinely prepared well before you launch into action, you will be able to get past anything. And if at this point you think the risk is too high, then remember why you started reading this book and rank your reasons. (list of five)

Still willing? 

Let’s continue.