5.1 refusal skills part 2

Site 1

First you must determine the answer to some very important questions. Using your incident you thought about at the "dangerous curves" sign post, answer the following questions.

What

exactly are they asking me to do? (i.e. They are asking me to sneak out of the house.)

Why

are they asking me to do this? (They want me to go to a party with them, but my parents said I could not go.)

Label

exactly what they want you to do, i.e. smoke. After you have labeled the incident, you can always use statements as, "This means," or "That's wrong." (They are asking me to deceive my family and to lie. Deception is wrong.)

Consider

what consequences this action will entail. (i.e. If I do this, I may become addicted to cigarettes and that would ruin my lungs.) There may be many kinds of consequences in areas such as school, family, health, spiritual, and legal. These consequences could impact you, your friends, and your family. Using your personal incident described previously, continue working through this process. This part can be done verbally or introspectively, but for our purposes, please write your response.

(For example...My parents will lose trust in me if they find out. I will be put on restriction. My family will have a huge fight about this.)

Site 2

Suggesting an alternative activity can be especially effective if the person asking you to do something that makes you uncomfortable is just trying to make conversation, to be friendly, or to appear cool. Sometimes people really don't care if the offer is accepted or not.

Remember when you offer an alternative, it does not have to be more exciting than the friend's idea, but can be simple, like "going for a walk" or "sitting and talking." Have some alternative suggestions ready just in case you find yourself in a situation that may require one. Rejecting the activity - not the person - is less likely to generate hostility. Hostility can lead to dangerous situations. Sample suggestions are below.

"No, but I would like to spend some time/talk with you."

"No, but let's go see a movie instead."

"No, let's go outside and talk."

"No, but I sure would like to order a pizza."

"No, but let's call Cindy and see what she is up to."

"No, but I'm going to the mall if you want to come along."

Suggest a couple of alternatives to your personal situation.

Site 3

It can be very difficult for us to use refusal skills if a friend or acquaintance pressures us.

STOP THE PRESSURE SQUEEZE

1. Ask yourself why this person is acting this way. Are they insecure? Why do they want me to do something I do not want to do?

2. You don't have to give a reason if you don't want to. You can just repeat, "no," "I'd rather not," or "I don't want to," over and over again.

3. You can use other strategies as, "I have already said no," or "I really meant it when I said no."

LEAVE THE SCENE

You will need someone to call just in case you are in a situation that requires you to exit. Sometimes leaving can mean joining another group at the party or walking to another area in the room. You may need to leave completely even though it makes you feel isolated or alone. Anytime you feel afraid or threatened, try to leave the scene immediately.

You may leave by gracefully saying:

"No," and "I've got to go now," or

"I have to be home by _____o'clock."

AVOID QUESTIONABLE PLACES

Avoid places you know are likely to expose you to pressure. All kids know there are places that are more likely to place them in an awkward situation. Sometimes you may feel alone; however, being safe can be a bigger and more significant issue than being included. These negative feelings can be countered by the following.

People who reject, pressure, or make you feel threatened are not real friends in the first place.

Being resistant can enhance your self-esteem because it shows you that you are strong and in control

Using the above 3 site information fill out the following work file answers

5.1 Refusal Skills – Work File

Read each of the case studies located on the

activities page in the 5.1 assignment and choose one of the case studies to complete the refusal sequence.

Assignment

Using the refusal skills sequence, complete the case scenario by indicating how you would refuse to be involved in the situation. Include all eight steps of the refusal sequence, and use the format indicated below for each step.

(List the step then the action)

Answer the reflection question below the eight steps.

Example:

1. What are they asking me to do and why?

They are asking me to participate in an activity that is illegal and against my personal values.

(Double space after each answer.)

Case Study Number ____________

1. What are they asking me to do and why?

(10 points)

2. Label what they are asking you to do (i.e. illegal, dangerous, etc.).

(10 points)

3. Determine the consequences if you get caught or if you participate in this activity.

(10 points)

4. Communicate my refusal.

(10 points)

5. Say no.

(10 points)

6. Use "I" statements.

(10 points)

7. Suggest an alternative.

(10 points)