Advantages and disadvantages of authoritative parenting

Authoritarian or Authoritative Parenting Style: Which Is in Best Interest for Children

Tough Love has gone viral on internet. It is a fanfic musical production about the stepmothers of Disney princesses. It is quite a mockery for the self-pitying but in fact cruel upbringing of the young girls. It is fictional and the stepmothers don’t love their stepdaughters necessarily, but we have to reflect on it: when we are parents, what are the best method to be taken so that our children can be responsible and positive grownups. Authoritarian or authoritative? It is a hot topic that never grows old; every parent has their reason to act upon. Experiencing quite a mix of harsh and lenient ways in my childhood, I find authoritative one more favorable. In the following paragraphs, I will talk about the advantages and disadvantages of both parenting styles.

Positive authoritative are defined as parents to be instructive and highly responsive to the development of child growth (Baumrind, 1966); On the contrary, authoritarian is control over most aspects of children’s lives, to make sure they stay on track (Kuppens & Ceulemans, 2019). There are pros and cons to both sides.

As of authoritarian, the most important outcome is the high academic performances. Authoritarian parents put a lot of effort into student’s schoolwork and extracurricular activities, such as playing piano or violin. They closely follow children’s daily routine, make sure every minute will not go wasted. They want every investment to give harvests. They take their children to all kinds of competitions, and win loads of certificates to quantify how successful and extraordinary the child is. They see children as another form of themselves, impose their dreams on children. Indeed, children who have worked all day, with all kinds of championships and scholarships could end up in ivy league and possibly win a prestigious job when graduated. It seems they have lived a life everyone desires and so it satisfies the parents.

However, it is not the most favorable approach in academia, and there are a lot of downsides to it. First, it restrains the possibility of cultivating comprehensive personalities. Children become obedient to their parents, they cannot communicate well with their peers, their only profound relationship are with their parents throughout their lives, and it is no sign of a fully grown man. I personally have seen too much of a case. People who grow up under the shadow of their parents tend to be indecisive and too dependent on their parents. It is the consequence of psychological control of the authoritarian parenting. Whenever they speak of their mind, they got turned down or shouted back. Then they don’t speak much about themselves with self-centered parents, who think they are doing the best for kids. Under high pressures from parents and with no one can turn to, children are also bearing overwhelming stress and defeated feelings, which could evolve to anxiety or depression (Bean, Barber, & Crane, 2006).

For they lean on parents for so long, it is inevitable that it cultivates a sense of irresponsibility. They have given their right to choose to their parents for their life, it is not easy for them to pick it up when sudden let into the wild. When parents curse their children to be useless, will they think about how come they bear fruit like this. When child speaks about it, they grow angry and claim they only do what is the best. Leaving child with agony and pain.

Another trait of tough parenting is low creativity. They live under the regime of the supervisory parents; they learn to bend down to the hierarchy when they are small. The punishment will come harsh when you do something that is deemed wrong in their eyes. It is highly subjective of their opinions (Barber, 1996). But as a child, you rely on them financially and mentally. You begin to question and forsake your standards of right and wrong. By adopting theirs, life would be a lot easier. Then it may develop into some sick pattern of giving up thinking for oneself and solely relying on adopted rules. It is poison to one’s mind, and it happens all around Asian regions. When you grow up, you internalize what you have learned in youth, adopting rules wherever you go, and despise anyone try to undo it. However, by following rules, one cannot break and create. Thus, authoritarian parenting does irreversible damage to children’s healthy growth.

Furthermore, with lack of effective communication, family tension is relatively high. Parents being stubborn to what they believe, they show little compassion to what difficulties children are going through, nor did they make efforts to mend it. They remain the high-up attitude, even when they offer advice, it is not doable from children’s perspective; in the end, children feel weak and incompetent when one is not able to find solution by oneself. It deepens self-loathing even it is not their fault.

Authoritative parenting is between authoritarian and permissive parenting. It aims to be instructive and highly responsive. This is the pattern most likely to yield positive outcome of all parenting styles. it makes children see parents as helping friends and they can solve problems together shown in early stage. As contrast to Asian “Tough love” education, the concept of authoritative is more widely accepted in western countries.

Authoritative parenting brings up child in a relatively equal status. Children are encouraged to speak their mind when they see fit. They are active in raising problems both in class and at home. The feeling of mutual understanding would reduce the possibility of alcohol usage and violent behaviors (Chaudhuri, Easterbrooks, & Davis, 2009).

Children brought up in the fashion of authoritative parenting tend to be more decisive of their matters. Parents take up the role of counseling, in talks deepen the understanding of both sides’ opinions.

Their may be times that parents letting the leash too loose and child go too far. When authoritative blurs into low-motive and low-responsive, it is the sign for parents to reflect the educating styles and talk properly with kids.

It does not mean authoritative parents completely give up discipline of certain behaviors. It tends not to facilitate body punishment, but use some other way to leave a warning mark in children’s head (Ceulemans & Kiers, 2006).

However, it does put up a high standard that requires parents to take up proper responsibilities to maintain the harmonious atmosphere. At the end of the day, it is the parents’ duty to digest and guide the child’s emotional feelings not the other way round.

To conclude, both parenting styles has its suitable background to make the utmost for their children. What works for one does not work necessarily for the other, and parenting styles are the fruit of social and cultural factors. A sudden change in parenting styles, an inconsistency could also disturb the normal child growth. If parents want the best for their kids, they should heed their voices and be willing to work with them, so a better environment could be provided.

REFERENCE BarberKB. (1996). Parental psychological control: revisiting a neglected construct. Child Development, pp 67, 3296, 3319, 10.2307/1131780. BaumrindD. (1966). Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child Development, pp 37, 887, 907, 10.2307/1126611. BeanA R, BarberKB, & CraneRD. (2006). Parental support, behavioral control, and psychological control among African American youth: The relationships to academic grades, delinquency, and depression. Journal of Family Issues, pp 1335–1355. Ceulemans E, & KiersAH. (2006). Selecting among three-mode principal component models of different types and complexities: A numerical convex hull based method. British Journal of Mathematical and Statistical Psychology, pp 59, 133, 150, 10.1348/000711005X6481. ChaudhuriHJ, EasterbrooksAM, & DavisRC. (2009). The relation between emotional availability and parenting style: cultural and economic factors in a diverse sample of young mothers. Parenting: Science and Practice, pp 9, 277, 299, 10.1080/15295190902844613. KuppensS, & CeulemansE. (2019年1月28日). Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept. Journal of Child & Family Studies, pp 168–181.