Clarence otis jr net worth

Analyzing A Corporate Message

Analyzing a Corporate Message Instructions In July 2015, Stephen Elop announced major changes at Microsoft. Read the file entitled:

Chapter 6 Stephen Elop Email to Employees (attached to the assignment instructions in Canvas).

You will now complete the following:

1. Identify and revise five sentences that are not complete.

2. Identify and revise five sentences that are not concise.

3. Identify and revise five sentences that are not natural.

4. Explain 3 strategies (from Chapter 6) for designing the document for faster navigation.

5. Revise the document. Attempt to cut the length in half. Use headings, bullets, and other design features to improve navigation.

Improving Ease of Reading with Conciseness

When you write concisely, your message is far easier to read. Conciseness does not imply removing relevant information. Rather, it implies omitting needless words so that readers can rapidly process your main ideas. In response to the question “[Do you have] any thoughts on how language is used in the business world?” Clarence Otis Jr., CEO of Darden Restaurants, responded this way:

I think writing in the business world is more functional than elegant. I felt that way making the transition from law to business. Lawyers write much better. They spend a lot more time on it. In the business world, it’s less about how well you say it and more about how efficiently you say it. Otis’s primary point is that your language should be efficient. You should say as much as you can in as few words as possible. His distinction between functionality and elegance means that your primary focus is not impressing with words, but rather impressing with ideas. In this section, we describe strategies for writing concisely, including controlling paragraph length, using shorter sentences, avoiding redundancy, avoiding empty phrases, and avoiding wordy phrases.

Control Paragraph Length Before they even begin to read, readers form impressions about ease of reading by looking at paragraph length. When they see long paragraphs, they often enter skim mode—searching for certain words and ideas rather than reading. Long paragraphs can signal disorganization and even disrespect for the reader’s time.

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Improving Ease of Reading with Writing

Style

Typically, paragraphs should contain 40 to 80 words. For routine messages, paragraphs as short as 20 to 30 words are common and appropriate. As the level of information and analysis grows deeper, some paragraphs will be longer. Rarely should paragraphs exceed 150 words. In a matter of seconds, you can easily check how many words are in your paragraphs with nearly all word processing software.

One primary cause of overly lengthy paragraphs is placing more than one main idea or topic in the paragraph. Your readers can process the information in your message far more easily if you create unified paragraphs in which each paragraph focuses on one idea or topic. Paragraphs with more than one idea often confuse readers. Even worse, readers may miss some ideas altogether. The process of unifying helps you control paragraph length and even tighten your business reasoning (see Table 6.3 ).

Completeness

Provide all relevant

information.

Be accurate.

Be specific.

Conciseness

Control paragraph

length.

Use short sentences.

Avoid redundancy.

Avoid empty

phrases.

Avoid wordy

prepositional

phrases.

Natural Style

Use action verbs

when possible.

Use active voice.

Use short and

familiar words and

phrases.

Use parallel

language.

Avoid buzz words

and figures of

speech.

Avoid it is/there are.

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Visit http://connect.mhedu cation.com for an exercise on this topic.

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TABLE 6.3 Controlling Paragraph Length

Less Effective More Effective

As far as financial requirements, you must

have a minimum net worth of $350,000.

Also, you will need minimum

unencumbered assets of between

$120,000 and $265,000. You may not

finance more than two-thirds of the initial

investment to open the store. You must

also have access to financing in the range

of $170,000 to $340,000 (assuming that

you finance two-thirds of the initial

investment costs). Confirmation of loan,

terms, and collateral is required. You will

need to show that you can maintain an

outside income of at least 80 percent of

your present income for a period of at

least two years. This allows you to have

adequate financial stability as you get your

business started. You will need to show

that your liquid assets are available for

investment and operations of your new

Sunrise Greeting Cards and Flowers shop.

Capital must be from your personal assets;

capital in a current business will not be

recognized as available to a new store.

Sunrise does not provide loans.

Minimum financial

requirements

include a net worth

of $350,000 with

unencumbered

liquid assets of

between $120,000

and $265,000

(these financial

requirements must

be from personal

assets, not from

capital in a current

business). You will

need to show that

these liquid assets

are available for

investment in your

Sunrise store. You

will also need to

show that you can

maintain an outside

income of at least

80 percent of your

present income for

a period of at least

two years.

You are required to

finance less than

two-thirds of the

initial investment

costs. Assuming

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that you can, you

will need access to

financing in the

range of $170,000

to $340,000.

Confirmation of

loan, terms, and

collateral is

required. Sunrise

does not provide

loans.

This paragraph contains 168 words. It also

contains excessive numerical figures.

This paragraph

contains the same

information but has

been edited for

conciseness and

divided into two

paragraphs. It

contains one

paragraph of 80

words and one

paragraph of 44

words. Altogether,

the information has

been presented in

30 fewer words.

The right to open a new Sunrise store will

be awarded based on the business plan,

market potential in your chosen area,

personal interviews, and financial criteria.

Running a Sunrise store can be extremely

The right to open a

new Sunrise store

will be awarded

based on the

business plan,

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profitable. Once approved, new Sunrise

stores can typically be opened in 3 to 12

months. The minimum store size is based

on location. In shopping malls, the

minimum size should be approximately

2,500 square feet. In strip shopping

centers, the minimum size should be

approximately 3,400 square feet.

Currently, average annual profit per

Sunrise store is $153,000, with ranges

between $49,000 and $215,000. Profit

level depends on many factors, including

choosing the right location, market

demand, square footage, and managing

the store effectively. Typically, profits

become relatively stable after the first

three years of operation.

market potential in

your chosen area,

personal

interviews, and

financial criteria.

Once approved,

new Sunrise stores

can typically be

opened in 3 to 12

months.

Currently, average

annual profit per

Sunrise store is

$153,000, with

ranges between

$49,000 and

$215,000. Profit

level depends on

many factors,

including location,

market demand,

square footage,

and management.

Typically, profits

become relatively

stable after the first

three years of

operation.

This paragraph has two ideas or topics: (a)

awarding the right to open a store and (b)

The revised

paragraph is

broken into two

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average annual profit per store. This

paragraph contains 130 words.

separate, unified

paragraphs with 42

and 41 words,

respectively.

Use Short Sentences in Most Cases Like relatively short paragraphs, short sentences allow your readers to comprehend your ideas more easily. Consider Figure 6.2 , which depicts the data from a study conducted by the American Press Institute. Readers were tested on their overall comprehension based on the length of sentences. When sentences had 10 words or fewer, readers had nearly 100 percent comprehension. Once sentence lengths reached around 20 words, comprehension dropped to about 80 percent. Thereafter, comprehension dropped rapidly. Sentence lengths of 28 words resulted in just 30 percent comprehension.

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FIGURE 6.2 Comprehension Rate and Sentence Length Source: Figure adapted from Ann Wylie, “How to Make Your Copy More Readable: Make Sentences Shorter,” Comprehension, January 14, 2009, retrieved March 3, 2012, from http://compr ehension.prsa.org/?p=217.

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As a rule of thumb, then, for routine messages, aim for average sentence length of 15 or fewer words. For more analytical and complex business messages, you may have an average sentence length of 20 or fewer words. Of course, you will often deal with complex ideas and need to go above 20 words in some of your sentences. Use your judgment to minimize sentence length (see Table 6.4 ).

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TABLE 6.4 Using Short Sentences

Less Effective More Effective

Our brand is strongly recognized

among our customers and is

associated with positive

characteristics such as quality

and reliability, and our customers

associate these qualities with the

special occasions in their lives.

To our customers, our brand

represents quality products

that help them celebrate

special occasions.

This sentence contains 32 words. This sentence contains the

same ideas in just 14 words.

Our team of experienced

managers will apply our well-

developed formula for analyzing

the demographics, traffic

patterns, local competitors, and

other factors of your chosen

location to provide you with

estimates of retail sales and

revenue.

Our team of experienced

managers will apply our well-

developed formula for

analyzing the demographics,

traffic patterns, local

competitors, and other

factors of your chosen

location. From this analysis,

we will provide you with

estimates of retail sales and

revenue.

This sentence contains 35 words. The less effective sentence

has been split into one 25-

word sentence and one 14-

word sentence.

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Sunrise has aggressively

advertised in print and radio in

regional markets in recent years,

and Sunrise has developed

excellent brand recognition with

its various advertising and

promotional materials that will

directly benefit your store, which,

of course, depends and varies on

your chosen store location.

In recent years, Sunrise has

aggressively advertised in

print and radio in regional

markets. As a result, Sunrise

brand recognition is strong.

Your store will benefit

from Sunrise regional

advertising and promotional

campaigns.

This sentence contains 45 words. The less effective sentence

has been split into three

sentences with 14, 8, and 11

words, respectively.

Avoid Redundancy One way to reduce word count and make your messages easier to read is to avoid redundancies, which are words or phrases that repeat the same meaning. For example, consider the phrase past history; history can only be past, so there’s no need to use both words. By eliminating redundancies, you can reduce overall word count (see Table 6.5 ).

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TABLE 6.5 Avoiding Redundancy

Less Effective More Effective

To help you reach your goals, we

provide you with the products and

resources to succeed.

We provide you with the

products and resources to

succeed.

This sentence has 16 words. To

help you reach your goals and to

succeed are redundant phrases.

This sentence has 10 words.

It removes redundancy.

We organize a fun-filled annual

retreat each year for store owners

and managers to share and

discuss problems, solutions, and

opportunities with one another.

We organize a fun-filled

annual retreat for store

owners and managers to

share and discuss

problems, solutions, and

opportunities.

This sentence has 24 words.

Annual and each year are

redundant. Share and discuss

implies with one another, making

with one another redundant.

This sentence has 19 words.

It removes redundancies.

Avoid Empty Phrases Many phrases simply fill space without adding additional meaning. Many of these phrases are common in conversations but are not needed for written messages (see Table 6.6 ).

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TABLE 6.6 Avoiding Empty Phrases

Less Effective More Effective

Needless to say, the

profitability of a store depends

on many factors.

The profitability of a store

depends on many factors.

This sentence contains 12

words.

This revision contains 9 words.

With all due respect, Sunrise

suggests other locations for

your store based on our

marketing formula.

Sunrise suggests other

locations for your store based

on our marketing formula.

This sentence contains 16

words.

This revision contains 12

words.

Avoid Wordy Prepositional Phrases Eliminating extra words allows you to get your ideas across as efficiently as possible. You will often find that you can reduce word count by 30 to 40 percent simply by converting many of your prepositional phrases into single-word verbs. Like other elements of style we have discussed already, prepositional phrases are not bad in themselves. In many cases, they are perfectly appropriate. Rather, their overuse leads to wordiness and less clarity (see Table 6.7 ).

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TABLE 6.7 Avoiding Wordy Prepositional Phrases

Less Effective More Effective

In an effort to maximize your

profitability as a Sunrise owner,

you should be in attendance at

each annual retreat.

Attending the annual Sunrise

retreats helps you maximize

profitability.

This sentence contains 20

words.

This revision of the less

effective sentence contains 9

words.

In the business planning

process, please keep in mind

that at Sunrise, we are here for

you.

Please remember that we will

help you with business

planning.

This sentence contains 17

words.

This revision of the less

effective sentence contains 10

words.