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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by …
ACTIVELY engaging students by appealing to their interests in popular culture, media, and technology. SHOWING students how online connections affect the media generation and the dynamics of the interpersonal experience. PROVIDING abundant opportunities for students to actively apply and practice what they are learning. EXPLORING how gender and culture influence interaction. SHEDDING NEW LIGHT on the everyday interactions and relationships of students.
This text uses an applied approach and an interactive style to engage students. Every chapter considers how media and technology affect the dynamics of relationships and self-expression. The authors also focus on diversity and developing cultural understanding through explorations in every chapter of how gender and culture help shape experiences of interpersonal communication.
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication through abundant interactive pedagogical features throughout the text, including:
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
“I liked how it had a true/false section in the beginning of the chapter so you can see what you know before you even read the chapter.”
—Margaret Rountree, Student Old Dominion University
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“The ‘What Do You Know’ sections are excellent because they provide a framework for students to read the chapter. It helps them determine what is most important.”
—Todd Lee Goen, Professor Christopher Newport University
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Try This
“My favorite feature is ‘Try This.’” —Wayne Thomas, Student
Old Dominion University
“I really like the ‘Try This’ because it provides instant ability for students to put into action what they are reading about in the text. Application is often the best way to learn so this is an awesome addition.”
—Christa Tess Kalk, Professor Minneapolis Community & Technical College
“The ‘Try This’ sections really seemed to spark some good discussion in the class. This allowed students to see their communication as effective or ineffective, appropriate or inappropriate, and allowed them to look inward. It gave them a chance to reflect on how/why they experience difficulties in relationships and how they can better approach conflict.”
— Lee Lavery, Professor Ivy Tech Community College
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.......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication through abundant interactive pedagogical features throughout the text, including:
Analyze This
ANALYZE THIS: Edward de Bono
Edward de Bono is a physician and leading authority on creative thinking. What does the following excerpt from de Bono’s I Am Right—You Are Wrong suggest about how the Japanese handle conflict?
Every day the leading executives in the Japanese motor industry meet for lunch in their special club. They discuss problems common to the whole motor industry. But a soon as lunch is over and they step over the threshold of the club, out into the street, they are bitter enemies seeking to kill each other’s business by marketing, technical changes, pricing policy, etc. For the Japanese, who do not have the tradition of Western logic, there is no contradiction at all between “friend” and “enemy.” They find it easy to conceive of someone as a friend–enemy or enemy–friend.
SOURCE: Edward de Bono, I Am Right—You Are Wrong, New York: Viking, 1991, p. 196.
Reflect on This
“…so many opportunities to really engage learning throughout the chapter with reflection questions, application ideas, etc. Excellent!”
—Christa Tess Kalk, Professor Minneapolis Community & Technical College
REFLECT ON THIS: The Cell Effect
Researcher Noelle Chesley wanted to find out if the time people spent on cell-phones enhanced or detracted from their overall feelings of happiness. To answer the question, Chesley surveyed more than
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1,200 adults, concluding that a correlation existed: the more time individuals spent on cell-phones the less happy and less satisfied they became with their family relationships. Chesley attributed this, at least in part, to the work lives of people spilling over into their personal lives and causing stress at home.
Consider these questions:
1. Do your experiences confirm Chesley’s findings? Does time spent on your cell stress the relationships you share with people important to you, perhaps because you divide your attention, with less attention being paid to the person(s) with you?
2. Do you think Chesley would have found the same results if she had studied the time we spend on tablets or computers? Explain your answer.
3. What recommendations can you offer for alleviating such relationship stressors? For example, would you expect others to abide by rules specifying when to use cell phones or other digital tools?
Source: Noelle Chesley, “Blurring Boundaries? Linking Technology Use, Spillover, Individual Distress, and Family Satisfaction.” Journal of Marriage and Family, 67, 2005, p. 1237–1238.
and with even more pedagogy like: • Sections in every chapter which focus on Gender, Culture,
Media, and Technology • Connect the Case feature ends chapter with a case study for
further application • SAGE Original Interpersonal Communication Scenario Videos • Review This section at the end of each chapter including a
• Chapter Summary • Chapter Review • Check Your Understanding • Check Your Skills • Key Terms • SAGE Student Study Site Details
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FREE AND OPEN-ACCESS STUDENT SITE
“SAGE’s free and open-access site will be the biggest draw for all of those tools since many online accompanying tools usually cost students quite a bit extra. The flashcards and study questions would draw my personal interest the most.”
—Lyndsi Earle, Student Old Dominion University
SAGE provides comprehensive and free online resources at sagepub.com.gambleic designed to support and enhance both instructors’ and students’ experiences.
Students maximize their understanding of introduction to interpersonal communication through the free, open-access Student Study Site.
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STUDENT RESOURCES INCLUDE:
• SAGE Journal Articles
• SAGE Original Videos
• Web resources
• eFlashcards
• Web quizzes
• Study questions
• Social media guidelines
• Video resources
• Self-assessment quizzes
PASSWORD-PROTECTED INSTRUCTOR TEACHING SITE
Strikes a never-before-seen balance between general education goals AND preparation for Communication majors (links to journal articles in Communication are a major plus).”
—Kathleen Glenister Roberts, Professor
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Duquesne University
SAGE provides comprehensive and free online resources at sagepub.com.gambleic designed to support and enhance both instructors’ and students’ experiences.
Instructors benefit from access to the password-protected Instructor Teaching Site.
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INSTRUCTOR RESOURCES INCLUDE:
• Test bank
• PowerPoint slides
• Sample syllabi
• Class assignments
• Video resources
• Web resources
• SAGE WATCH THIS scenario videos and video links
• SAGE Journal Articles with articles for every chapter (includes information on how to read and critique a journal article)
• Social media guidelines
.......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by asking them what they think of our text. Here is what they are saying:
WRITING STYLE AND RELATABILITY
“The writing was really easy to comprehend. I really like all the self- assessments. After taking all the self-assessments I could learn a little bit more about myself.”
—Juliana Pires, Student Old Dominion University
“The text is user-friendly, seems to be geared toward an introductory student level, and offers real-life examples that promote understanding/application.”
—Lee Lavery, Professor Ivy Tech Community College
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“My favorite chapter was the constructive communication behaviors, and it has helped me by teaching me about the role reversal technique, which I didn’t know about before—it will allow me to see the other person’s side more clearly.”
—Gabriel Lopez, Student Old Dominion University
ACTIVITIES, ASSESSMENTS, AND FEATURES
“I really liked the GUIDELINES FOR RESOLVING CONFLICT because having the proper knowledge to resolve conflicts can help us to improve our interpersonal skills and communicate better with people, avoiding problems.”
—Rosario Villagra, Student Old Dominion University
“The activities give a better idea of a complex subject. The way the information is written and laid out is simple to understand and involves the reader more. I liked how it had a true/false section in the beginning of the chapter so you can see what you know before you even read the chapter.”
—Margaret Rountree, Student Old Dominion University
“The nonverbal chapter is the best I’ve seen.” —Todd Lee Goen, Professor
Christopher Newport University
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OVERALL TEXTBOOK EXPERIENCE
“…relatable stories and examples, as well as fun learning activities.” —Amanda Osborn, Student
Old Dominion University
“…interesting, easily understood, and I liked the fact that current pop culture examples were mentioned.”
—Stacy Evans, Student Ohlone College
.......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by offering them a lower-priced option
SAGE VALUE PRICE
“Of course as a college student I think the SAGE value price is great!” —Melissa Temple, Student
Old Dominion University
“Price is always a concern for students. As educators, we need to make certain our students are getting the best materials possible at a reasonable price.”
—Lee Lavery, Professor Ivy Tech Community College
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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
........... Building Connections Together ...........
TERI KWAL GAMBLE
COLLEGE OF NEW ROCHELLE
& MICHAEL W. GAMBLE
NEW YORK INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY
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FOR INFORMATION:
SAGE Publications, Inc. 2455 Teller Road Thousand Oaks, California 91320 E-mail: order@sagepub.com
SAGE Publications Ltd. 1 Oliver’s Yard 55 City Road London EC1Y 1SP United Kingdom
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Copyright © 2014 by SAGE Publications, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Gamble, Teri Kwal.
Interpersonal communication : building connections together / Teri Kwal Gamble, College of New Rochelle, Michael W. Gamble, New York Institute of Technology.
pages cm Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978–2-4522–2-0 (pbk.)
1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Communication—Psychological aspects. I. Gamble, Michael, 1943- II. Title.
HM1166.G36 2013 302—dc23 2012046294
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
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13 14 15 16 17 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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Brief Contents
PREFACE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
PART I FOUNDATIONS
CHAPTER 1 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: A First Look CHAPTER 2 THE IMPACT OF SELF-CONCEPT CHAPTER 3 PERCEPTION
PART II MESSAGES
CHAPTER 4 LISTENING CHAPTER 5 COMMUNICATING WITH WORDS CHAPTER 6 NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION CHAPTER 7 CONVERSATIONS
PART III DYNAMICS
CHAPTER 8 EMOTIONS CHAPTER 9 TRUST AND DECEPTION
CHAPTER 10 POWER AND INFLUENCE CHAPTER 11 CONFLICT
PART IV RELATIONSHIPS IN CONTEXT
CHAPTER 12 RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS CHAPTER 13 INTIMACY AND DISTANCE IN RELATIONSHIPS CHAPTER 14 RELATIONSHIPS IN OUR LIVES: Family, Work, and
Health-Related Contexts
GLOSSARY
NOTES
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PHOTO CREDITS
INDEX
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Detailed Contents
PREFACE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
PART 1: FOUNDATIONS
CHAPTER 1. INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: A FIRST LOOK
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? What Is Interpersonal Communication?
Interpersonal Communication Is about Relationships Interpersonal Communication Takes Two Interpersonal Communication Is a Lifelong Project
TRY THIS: Today, Who Is a Stranger? Models of Interpersonal Communication
ANALYZE THIS: Are You in a Disguise? People
TRY THIS: Rating Relationships Messages Channels
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Noise Feedback Context Effect Visualizing Communication
How Does Interpersonal Communication Enhance Our Lives? It Fulfills Psychological Functions
TRY THIS: Making Model Sense It Fulfills Social Functions It Fulfills Information Functions It Fulfills Influence Functions
TRY THIS: Functions in Action Understanding Interpersonal Contact: Characteristics, Patterns, and Axioms
of Communication Five Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication Is a Dynamic Process Interpersonal Communication Is Unrepeatable Interpersonal Communication Is Irreversible Interpersonal Communication Is Learned Interpersonal Communication Is Characterized by Wholeness and
Nonsummativity Interpersonal Patterns Five Communication Axioms
Axiom 1: You Cannot Not Communicate Axiom 2: Every Interaction Has Content and Relationship Dimensions Axiom 3: Every Interaction Is Defined by How It Is Punctuated Axiom 4: Messages Consist of Verbal Symbols and Nonverbal Cues Axiom 5: Interactions Are Either Symmetrical or Complementary
The Impact of Diversity and Culture Diversity and Communication Style Orientation and Cultural Context
Individual and Collective Orientation High-Context and Low-Context Communication
The Impact of Gender Gender and Communication Style
The Impact of Media and Technology
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TRY THIS: What’s Okay with You? On the Way to Gaining Communication Competence
Add to Your Storehouse of Knowledge about Interpersonal Communication
Recognize How Your Relationships Affect You Analyze Your Options Interact Ethically, Respect Diversity, and Think Critically about Your
Person-to-Person Contacts
REFLECT ON THIS: The Cell Effect Practice and Apply Skills to Improve Interpersonal Performance
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Sylvia and Khalil Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
CHAPTER 2. THE IMPACT OF SELF-CONCEPT
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? The Self-Concept: Your Answer to Who You Are
ANALYZE THIS: The Clown TRY THIS: Who Are You? How Are the Self and Self-Concept Related?
How Accurate Is the Self-Concept? Self-Esteem: Assessing Self-Worth
High versus Low Self-Esteem
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Self-Esteem and Performance How Others Shape Our Self-Concept
We Reflect Others’ Appraisals
TRY THIS: Feelings about Age and Physical Ability We Compare Ourselves with Others We Have Perceived, Ideal, and Expected Selves
Goffman’s Dramaturgical Approach Imagining a Future Self
TRY THIS: The “Authentic” Self Reactions to You: Confirming, Rejecting, and Disconfirming Responses
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: The Influence of Positive and Negative Pygmalions
TRY THIS: Ups and Downs Revising Your Self-Concept: Reexamining Impressions and Conceptions
Diversity and Culture in Relationships: How Important Is the “I”? The Self in Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultures
REFLECT ON THIS: Changes The Self in High- and Low-Context Cultures The Self in High- and Low-Power-Distance Cultures
TRY THIS: Are You an “I” or Part of a “We”? Attitudes toward the Self across Cultures
Gender and Self-Concept
TRY THIS: Young and Old Seeing the Self through the Media and Technology Looking Glass
REFLECT ON THIS: Beauty Standards and Dying to Be Thin The Impact of the Media The Impact of Technology
ANALYZE THIS: MEdia Gaining Communication Competence: Ways to Strengthen Your Self-Concept
Update Pictures Take Lots and Lots of Pictures Explore Others’ Pictures of You
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Picture Possibilities
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Aisha’s Term Paper Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
CHAPTER 3. PERCEPTION
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? Our Perception Defines Our Reality
Do We See the Same Realty? Perception in Action: The Process at Work
Selection Organization Evaluation and Interpretation Memory Response
ANALYZE THIS: The Deceptiveness of Appearance Frameworks of Perception
Schemata Perceptual Sets and Selectivities
REFLECT ON THIS: Attribution Theory
TRY THIS: Lessons Learned Ethnocentrism and Stereotypes
Barriers to Accurate Perception
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REFLECT ON THIS: Stereotypes Age and Person Perception
TRY THIS: The Appearance Factor Fact-Inference Confusions
TRY THIS: Can You Tell the Difference? Allness Indiscrimination
ANALYZE THIS: Is That All There Is? Frozen Evaluations and Snap Judgments Blindering Judging Others More Harshly than Ourselves
Diversity and Culture: Interpreting through Different I’s
Gender and Perception
The Media, Technology, and Perception The Media and Perception Technology and Perception
Gaining Communication Competence: Enhancing Your Perceptual Abilities Recognize the Part You Play Be a Patient Perceiver
TRY THIS: Facebook in Focus Become a Perception Checker Widen Your Perception See through the Eyes of Another Build Perceptual Bridges, Not Walls Consider How Technology Is Changing How We Perceive
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Dax’s Trial Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
PART II: MESSAGES
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CHAPTER 4. LISTENING
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? Listening in Your Life
Differences between Hearing and Listening
The Differences between Effective and Ineffective Listeners
ANALYZE THIS: Understanding “Understanding” Stages of Listening
TRY THIS: How’s Your LQ (Listening Quotient)? Stage 1: Hearing Stage 2: Understanding Stage 3: Remembering Stage 4: Interpreting Stage 5: Evaluating Stage 6: Responding
Styles and Types of Listening Styles of Listening
People-Oriented Listening
REFLECT ON THIS: When Is Listening Not First and Foremost? Action-Oriented Listening Content-Oriented Listening Time-Oriented Listening
Types of Listening Appreciative Listening Comprehensive Listening Critical/Deliberative Listening Empathetic Listening
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Listening Ethics Do You Tune Out?
ANALYZE THIS: Active and Inactive Listening Do You Fake Attention? Do You Ignore Specific Individuals? Do You Lose Emotional Control? Do You Avoid Challenging Content? Are you Egocentric? Do You Waste Potential Listening Time? Are You Overly Apprehensive? Are You Suffering Symptoms of Listening Burnout?
Hurdling Listening Roadblocks
Responding with Feedback Defining Feedback Feedback Options
Feedback May Be Immediate or Delayed Feedback May Be Person- or Message-Focused Feedback May Be Low- or High-Monitored Feedback May Be Evaluative or Nonevaluative
Culture’s Influence on Listening
TRY THIS: It’s in the “I”s
TRY THIS: Culture, Communication Style, and Feedback Gender’s Influence on Listening
Media and Technological Influences on Listening Media Influences Technology’s Influences
TRY THIS: The Ethics of Illusionary Listening Gaining Communication Competence: Becoming a Better Listener
Catch Yourself Exhibiting a Bad Habit Substitute a Good Habit for a Bad Habit Listen with Your Whole Body Consistently Use Your Ears, Not Just Your Mouth See the Other Side
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Don’t Listen Assumptively Participate Actively
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Nonlistening Flora Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
CHAPTER 5. COMMUNICATING WITH WORDS
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? Defining Language
The Meaning of Words The Triangle of Meaning
Removing Semantic Barriers Differentiate Denotative and Connotative Meaning Recognize How Time and Place May Change Meaning
TRY THIS: Measuring Meaning Consider the Effect of Your Words
Euphemisms and Linguistic Ambiguity Recognize Emotive Language
TRY THIS: Euphemisms and Strategic Ambiguity Acknowledge the Power of Polarizing Language Balance Politically Correct Language Beware of Bypassing
REFLECT ON THIS: Which Do You Prefer?
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Don’t Be Misled by Labels
TRY THIS: Is It Politically Correct or Incorrect? Language and Relationships: Communication Style, Words, and Feelings
ANALYZE THIS: Hurtful Words Culturespeak
TRY THIS: The Language-Culture Link Genderspeak
Language Can Diminish and Stereotype Women and Men Language Practices Reflect Goals and Feelings about Power
Age and Language
REFLECT ON THIS: The Muted Group Language, Media, and Technology
Experiencing Media
TRY THIS: How Would You Reengineer a Media Image? Experiencing Technology
Gaining Communication Competence: Making Your Words Work Are My Words Clear? Are My Words Appropriate? Am I Using Words That Are Concrete? Do My Words Speak to the Other Person and Reflect the Context? Do I Share “to Me” Meaning? Do I Respect Uniqueness? Do I Look for Growth?
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Wounding Words Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
CHAPTER 6. NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
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Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? Defining Nonverbal Communication
The Functions and Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication The Functions of Nonverbal Cues Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication
All Nonverbal Behavior Has Message Value Nonverbal Communication Is Ambiguous Nonverbal Communication Is Predominantly Relational Nonverbal Behavior May Reveal Deception
TRY THIS: It’s Not Just What You Say ... Reading Nonverbal Messages
Kinesics: The Messages of Movement Face and Eye Talk Putting on a Face: The Ethics of Face-Work
ANALYZE THIS: Facecrime Gestures and Posture: The Body in Motion and at Rest
TRY THIS: The Ethics of Impression Creation Decoding the Body’s Messages
Paralinguistics: The Messages of the Voice Pitch Volume Rate Articulation and Pronunciation
REFLECT ON THIS: Ummmmmmm ... Hesitations and Silence
Proxemics: Space and Distance Talks Spatial Relationships: Near or Far Places and Their Spaces: Decoding the Environment
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Territoriality: Yours and Mine Haptics: Touch Artifactual Communication and Appearance Olfactics: Smell Color: Associations and Connections Chronemics: The Communicative Value of Time
Culture and Nonverbal Behavior
REFLECT ON THIS: Does Beauty Pay? Gender and Nonverbal Behavior
TRY THIS: The Race Factor Nonverbal Cues and Flirting: Expressing Interest or Disinterest
TRY THIS: Top Billing Media, Technology, and Nonverbal Messages
TRY THIS: Can You Read the Cues? Gaining Communication Competence in Nonverbal Communication
Pay Attention to Nonverbal Messages When Uncertain about a Nonverbal Cue’s Meaning, Ask! Realize Inconsistent Messages Have Communicative Value Match the Degree of Closeness you Seek with the Nonverbal Behavior
You Display Monitor Your Nonverbal Behavior Acknowledge That Abilities to Encode and Decode Nonverbal
Messages Vary
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Surprised Sam Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
CHAPTER 7. CONVERSATIONS
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Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? The Importance of Conversational Contact
TRY THIS: Do You Like to Talk? What Is Conversation?
TRY THIS: The Elevator Conversation: Games and Players Conversational Structure
TRY THIS: Conversational Analysis The Greeting Topic Priming The Heart of the Conversation Preliminary Processing The Closing
Conversational Management Turn Taking: Maintaining and Yielding the Floor The Cooperation Principle
TRY THIS: Whose Turn Is It, Anyway? The Dialogue Principle
ANALYZE THIS: Relationship Turns Repairing Conversational Damage
Cultural Differences and Conversation
Gender Differences and Conversation
REFLECT ON THIS: Interruptitis Media and Technology Talk
ANALYZE THIS: Don’t Finish My Thoughts
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TRY THIS: Squawk Talk Media Talk Technology Talk
Gaining Communication Competence: Improving Your Conversation Skills Develop Metaconversational Abilities Develop Awareness of How Culture and Gender Differences Affect
Conversation Strive to Improve Conversation Initiation, Management, and
Termination Abilities
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Company Party Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
PART III: DYNAMICS
CHAPTER 8. EMOTIONS
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? What Are Emotions?
Why Emotional Intelligence Is Important The Look and Feel of Emotions
Surprise! Anger Happiness Sadness
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REFLECT ON THIS: Can Exercise Make You Happy and Less Stressed? Fear Disgust Emotions: Primary, Mixed, and Contagious
Emotions Affect Evaluations
TRY THIS: Emotional Checkup Relationships and Emotions
Are Your Emotions Facilitative or Debilitative? What Do You Tell Yourself?
TRY THIS: Do You Have Resilience? What Do You Tell Another Person?
ANALYZE THIS: Should You Tell? What Is Your Emotional Attachment Style?
Culture and the Expression of Emotion
TRY THIS: Are You a Face-Saver? Gender and the Expression of Emotion
Media and Technology: Channeling Feelings Media Models
TRY THIS: Sharing Feelings Technological Channels
TRY THIS: Modeling Gaining Communication Competence: Communicating Emotion
Recognize That Thoughts Cause Feelings Choose the Right Words Show That You Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings Share Feelings Fully Decide When, Where, and to Whom to Reveal Feelings Describe the Response You Seek
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Late Jean Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
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CHAPTER 9. TRUST AND DECEPTION
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? What Is Trust?
The Bases of Trust The Components of Trust
Trusting Behavior Trustworthy Behavior
TRY THIS: Can I Depend on You? Can You Depend on Me? Failed Trust
Forgiveness: Rebuilding a Relationship after Trust Is Betrayed
ANALYZE THIS: Misplaced Trust Cost-Benefit Theory: The Price We Are Willing to Pay for a Relationship
Defining the Relational Situation
TRY THIS: Relationship Balance Sheet Cooperative and Competitive Relationships
TRY THIS: Cooperative or Competitive? Supportive and Defensive Relationships
Evaluation versus Description Control versus Problem Orientation Strategy versus Spontaneity
ANALYZE THIS: On the Defensive Neutrality versus Empathy Superiority versus Equality Certainty versus Provisionalism
Deception and Relationship Ethics
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TRY THIS: Cornered Why Do We Lie?
REFLECT ON THIS: Building Company Trust White Lies: Motivation Matters Lying to Ourselves: Defensive Strategies
Displacement Repression Rationalization
Relational Counterfeiters The Effects of Lying
REFLECT ON THIS: Richard S. Lazarus and the Case for White Lies The Effects of Gossip
Culture and Trust
TRY THIS: How Prepared Are You to Trust? Gender and Trust
Media, Technology, and Lessons on Trust The Media and Trust Technology and Trust
Gaining Communication Competence: Nurturing a Trusting Relationship Be Willing to Disclose Yourself to Another Person Let the Other Person Know You Accept and Support Him or Her Develop a Cooperative/Supportive Rather than a
Competitive/Defensive Orientation Trust Another When Warranted
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Trusting Agent Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
CHAPTER 10. POWER AND INFLUENCE
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Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? The Control Factor: Exploring the Balance of Power in Relationships
Feeling Powerful versus Powerless Are You Socially Anxious? Are You on a Power Trip?
Where Does Power Come From? Power Categories
TRY THIS: What’s Your Power Orientation? Reward Power Coercive Power Expert Power Legitimate Power Referent Power Persuasive Power
Exercising Persuasion The Role of Attitudes
What Is an Attitude?
TRY THIS: Powerful People and Power Plays Where Do Our Attitudes Come From?
The Role of Beliefs What Are Beliefs?
TRY THIS: Assessing Attitudes and Surveying Beliefs Defining and Characterizing Values
Gaining Compliance in Interpersonal Relationships Strategies for Compliance Gaining
ANALYZE THIS: The Diary of a Young Girl TRY THIS: Graphing Your Values
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Strategies for Balancing Attitudes Routes to Interpersonal Influence
TRY THIS: Tensions and Tactics Diversity, Values, and Relational Power
Gender and the Balance of Power
TRY THIS: Who Has the Power? REFLECT ON THIS: Power Issues by Gender Media, Technology, and Power Shifts
Media Power Technological Power
Gaining Communication Competence: Controlling Relationships Use Power Wisely Understand How Beliefs, Values, and Attitudes Affect Interactions Capitalize on the Need for Balance
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Power Moment Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
CHAPTER 11. CONFLICT
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? The Meaning of Conflict
Conflict Defined Conflict Is Based on Interaction
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Feelings about Conflict Functional Conflict Dysfunctional Conflict
TRY THIS: Thinking through Conflict Conflict’s Sources
Interactions among Individuals Conflict-Generating Behaviors
Preemptive Striking Forcing Blaming
Classifying Conflicts The Nature of the Goal The Intensity Level of the Conflict
TRY THIS: How Verbally Aggressive Are You? The Character of the Conflict
Conflict Management Styles Avoiding Competitive Compromising Accommodative Collaborative
TRY THIS: Where Are You on the Grid? Communication Behavior in the Face of Conflict
Destructive Communication Behaviors Constructive Communication Behaviors DESC Scripts
Describe Express Specify Consequences
Your Expressive Style: Nonassertive, Aggressive, or Assertive
TRY THIS: A Self-Assessment Nonassertiveness
Why We Do Not Assert Ourselves Nonassertive Language
Aggressiveness Why We Act Aggressively Aggressive Language
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Assertiveness Learning Assertive Behavior Assertive Language
Culture and Conflict Resolution
ANALYZE THIS: Edward de Bono Gender and Conflict Resolution
Media, Technology, and Conflict Resolution: Models or Madness Media Portrayals: Model the Way
REFLECT ON THIS: Lessons Learned Technology: Real and Unreal
TRY THIS: It’s War! Gaining Communication Competence: Guidelines for Resolving Conflict
Recognize That Conflict Can Be Resolved Rationally Agree about How to Define the Conflict Exchange Perceptions: Describe, Express, Specify, and Note
Behavioral Consequences Assess Alternative Solutions and Choose the One That Seems Best
Implement and Evaluate the Selected Solution
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Jousting Roommates Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
PART IV: RELATIONSHIPS IN CONTEXT
CHAPTER 12. RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS
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Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? Why Do We Need Relationships?
Relationships Preserve Happiness and Health Relationships Prevent Isolation Relationships Meet Interpersonal Needs
ANALYZE THIS: By Yourself Relationships Serve as Behavioral Anchors Relationships Function as Communication Conduits
TRY THIS: How Do You Feel about Being In /Out, Up/Down, or Close/Far?
When Good, Relationships Help Maintain Our Sense of Worth Relationship Characteristics
Duration Contact Frequency Sharing Support Interaction Variability Goals
Forming Friendships The Nature of Intimacy The Nature of Acquaintanceship
TRY THIS: Measuring Intimacy The Nature of Friendship
Role-Limited Interaction Friendly Relations Moving toward Friendship Nascent Friendship Stabilized Friendship Waning Friendship
Romance: Coming Together and Breaking Apart Love’s Dimensions The Triangle of Love Love’s Stages
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Stage 1: Initiating Stage 2: Experimenting Stage 3: Intensifying Stage 4: Integrating Stage 5: Bonding Stage 6: Differentiating Stage 7: Circumscribing
ANALYZE THIS: Status Updates Stage 8: Stagnating Stage 9: Avoiding Stage 10: Terminating
TRY THIS: Looking at Your Relationships Relationship Attractors
Physical Attractiveness Social Attractiveness
REFLECT ON THIS: The Romantic Attraction Factor Task Attractiveness Proximity Reinforcement Similarity Complementarity
TRY THIS: Attractors Culture and Connection
Does the Culture Place More Stress on Individuals or on Social Relationships?
Does the Culture Promote the Development of Short- or Long-Term Relationships?
Does the Culture Value Results or the Interactional Process? Gender and Relationship Formation
Media, Technology, and Social Worlds Media Portrayals of Friendship and Romance
TRY THIS: Ties That Bind Technology: Meeting in Cyberspace
Gaining Communication Competence: Mastering Relationship Complexities Understand That Relationships Don’t Just Happen
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Recognize Why We Need Others Understand the Nature of Friendship and Romantic Relationships Meet the Challenges Posed by Media and Technology
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Job Promotion Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
CHAPTER 13. INTIMACY AND DISTANCE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? Self-Disclosure and Intimacy
Social Penetration Theory
TRY THIS: Social Penetration—in Casual and Intimate Relationships The Johari Window and Self-Disclosure
REFLECT ON THIS: Sharing in Close Relationships Using Relational Dialectics to Understand Relationships
TRY THIS: Window Gazing Integration-Separation Stability-Change Expression-Privacy Working through Dialectical Tensions
TRY THIS: Try to See It My Way Relationship Maintenance
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TRY THIS: What’s Fair? Relationship Repair: Fix It or End It
Identify the Problem Identify Strategies to Repair the Problem Decide to Dissolve or Save the Relationship
The Dark Side of Relationships:
Dysfunctions and Toxic Communication
REFLECT ON THIS: Abusive Relationships Relationships and Death: Processing Grief
Culture and Relational Intimacy
Gender, Intimacy, and Distance
ANALYZE THIS: Feelings Media and Technology: The Decline of Privacy and Distance
Gaining Communication Competence: Handling Both Relational Closeness and Distance
TRY THIS: At a Distance How Important to You Is This Person? Are You Willing to Initiate Interaction? How Much and What Kind of Intimacy Do You Desire? How Accepting Are You of the Other Person? How Are You Willing to Support the Other Person? Do You Recognize That Your Relationship Will Change? Can Your Relationship Survive the Distance Test? Do You Know When to Continue and When to End a Relationship?
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Plane Trip Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
CHAPTER 14. RELATIONSHIPS IN OUR LIVES: FAMILY, WORK, AND HEALTH-RELATED CONTEXTS
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Learning Objectives
What Do You Know? The Nature of Familial Communication The Family as Communication
System Family Members Are Interdependent The Family Is Greater than the Sum of Its Parts Family Members Engage in Mutual Influence
TRY THIS: Virginia Satir on “Peoplemaking” Family Communication: Roles and Rules
ANALYZE THIS: Transitions
TRY THIS: The Rules We Live By Communication Patterns in Families
Problematic Communication Patterns Productive Communication Patterns Your Family Network
Culture and the Family Varying Family Composition Varying Communication Styles Varying Family Roles
TRY THIS: Role Call Gender and the Family Media, Technology, and the Family
Interpersonal Communication at Work
TRY THIS: The TV Family Relationships Are the Organization The Dyad and the Organization
A Question of Dependence and Independence A Question of Trust
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A Question of Perception Networks, Interaction, and Relationship Satisfaction Working in Teams
Create Healthy Work Climates Practice Effective Decision Making
REFLECT ON THIS: The Effects of Groupthink Culture and the Workplace
Are Workers Dominant or Submissive? Are Workers Individualistic or Collectivistic? How Do Workers Perceive the Need for Space? How Do Workers Perceive Time? How Diverse Are the Interpersonal Needs and Skills of Workers? Are Members of Different Generations Prepared to Work Together?
Gender and the Workplace
TRY THIS: Culture Can Shock Stereotypes of Women in Organizations Stereotypes of Men in Organizations Gender and Work-Life Balance Leadership and Management Style Workplace Pathologies: Bullying and Sexual Harassment
Media, Technology, and the Workplace Media Portrayals Technological Realities
Interpersonal Communication in Health Care Settings The Consumer–Health Care Provider Dyad
Sensitivity Matters Clear Communication Matters Perceptions Matter Decision Making Matters
Culture and Health Communication Gender and Health Care Media, Technology, and Health Care
Media Messages Technology Messages
Gaining Communication Competence across Contexts Prepare to Handle Conflict across Contexts Recognize That You Cannot Stay as You Are or Always Be Happy
and in Good Health
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Learn about Each Other
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Problematic Reunion Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms
GLOSSARY
NOTES
PHOTO CREDITS
INDEX
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Preface
AN APPLIED APPROACH Interpersonal Communication: Building Connections Together takes an applied approach to exploring the central role of interpersonal communication in our twenty-first-century lives. Whether with family, friends, or coworkers, in personal or professional contexts, enacted face-to-face and up close and personal or online with technological assistance, interpersonal communication skills affect the nature and development of all relationships.
FOCUS ON CULTURE, MEDIA, AND TECHNOLOGY
We had a number of goals in writing this text. First, we wanted to reach students by appealing to their interests in and fascination with popular culture, media, and technology. This volume actively engages students by facilitating their personal observation, processing, and analysis of what occurs as individuals connect interpersonally in the real world and as depicted in popular culture, media, and online. We offer many examples from popular culture and social networking sites to enter students’ worlds and meet them where they are.
FOCUS ON ACTIVE LEARNING AND SKILL BUILDING
Second, we wanted to provide numerous opportunities for students to cocreate content and actively apply and practice what they are learning. Exercises in the text encourage students to compose personal observations as they observe and process interpersonal interactions. As a result, Interpersonal Communication: Building Connections Together is one text that students will be able to call “their own.”
As we noted, this text offers an applied approach. Its strengths are its interactive style and its pedagogy, which affirm the reader as the central player in the life of the textbook. We place our text’s emphasis on how we connect with others and on “how we can do it better” so that the book’s users will discover how they can employ interpersonal skills to enrich their personal and professional lives.
FUNDAMENTAL PREMISES OF THE TEXT
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Premise 1: A text on interpersonal communication should consider how popular culture, media, and technology influence the imagined and actual person-to-person interactions of students. Whether subtly or overtly, the impressions of interpersonal communication that we derive from popular culture and online shape our relationships, influencing our views of self and others, affecting what we expect from relationships, and ultimately influencing how we evaluate the effectiveness of our person-to-person relationships and skills.
Premise 2: A text on interpersonal communication should consider how technology, culture, and gender influence person-to-person interactions. We no longer interact with others solely face-to-face. Thus, a key theme of any new book on interpersonal communication needs to be how online connections affect the “MEdia” generation and the dynamics of the interpersonal experience. We also can no longer expect to communicate solely with people who are mirror images of or just like us. Our world is both too complex and too small, and the people with whom we interact are too diverse, for us even to imagine that we could succeed without understanding how gender and culture influence our person-to-person connections. Thus, by developing two additional text themes, how gender and culture preferences influence interaction, we encourage students to take a step toward improving relationship outcomes. No longer are cultural understanding and sensitivity to difference merely assets; now they are prerequisites of effective and insightful interpersonal communication.
Premise 3: A text on interpersonal communication should consider the effects of the varied contexts of our lives. Although it is important to consider the content traditionally covered in interpersonal communication courses, it is also important to widen the scope of our consideration to include interactions occurring in the family, in the workplace, and in health care arenas. The ability to interact effectively across our life spans with friends, family members, coworkers and employers, peers, and health professionals is essential for both personal wellness and professional well-being.
ORGANIZATION OF THE TEXT The book is divided into four main parts: Foundations, Messages, Dynamics, and Relationships in Context. We begin with the building blocks of interpersonal communication (Part I: Foundations), then we consider the kinds of information that we share when we connect interpersonally (Part II: Messages), then we look more closely at the variable factors that affect our interpersonal communication (Part III: Dynamics), and finally we explore the full range of relationships that we build together through communication (Part
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IV: Relationships in Context).
Part I comprises three chapters: Chapter 1, “Interpersonal Communication: A First Look”; Chapter 2, “The Impact of Self-Concept”; and Chapter 3, “Perception.” Together, these initial chapters set the stage for our subsequent study of the sharing of messages during interpersonal communication, our consideration of factors influencing how we personally enact interpersonal communication, and, finally, our in-depth exploration of different relational contexts.
Part II includes four chapters: Chapter 4, “Listening”; Chapter 5, “Communicating with Words”; Chapter 6, “Nonverbal Communication”; and Chapter 7, “Conversations.” Together these chapters explore the kinds of messages we share during interpersonal communication and whether these messages are listened to and responded to appropriately.
Part III is composed of four chapters: Chapter 8, “Emotions”; Chapter 9, “Trust and Deception”; Chapter 10, “Power and Influence”; and Chapter 11, “Conflict.” Each of these chapters looks at a different variable affecting the courses of our relationships.
Part IV concludes the book with three chapters: Chapter 12, “Relationship Dynamics”; Chapter 13, “Intimacy and Distance in Relationships”; and Chapter 14, “Relationships in Our Lives: Family, Work, and Heath-Related Contexts.” These chapters explore how the context of a relationship influences its nature and outcomes. Being able to have healthy and meaningful relationships in all spheres of life makes our lives better.
TOOLS FOR LEARNING TOGETHER We have worked hard to ensure that Interpersonal Communication: Building Connections Together fulfills the following four requisites: (1) The text respects and acknowledges student interest in popular culture, media, and technology; (2) the text recognizes the impact that the MEdia age, with its emphasis on self-expression and self-obsession, is having on the interpersonal skills of students and the outcomes of the interpersonal relationships they share; (3) the text expands the communication knowledge base of students, encouraging them to apply interpersonal communication theory and research to their own lives; and (4) the text gives students opportunities to reflect on, practice, and master skills to facilitate their becoming interpersonally competent.
FEATURES
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To this end, the text includes pedagogical features that are designed to help students enrich their understanding of fundamental concepts and theories and to help them apply what they have learned to their own interpersonal communication and relationships. The following features reinforce the chapter material and guide students to enhance their interpersonal communication skills:
• Every chapter begins with a list of Learning Outcomes that outlines the key objectives of the chapter, followed by an opening vignette that introduces the relevance of the chapter content through a contemporary example of interpersonal communication in action.
• At the start of each chapter, students will assess their current understanding of interpersonal communication with a quiz feature titled “What Do You Know?” Students can find the answers to the quiz’s true/false items printed upside down at the bottom of the box feature, and they will also find these answers revisited in the margins alongside discussion of the relevant topics within the chapter text. This self-quiz prepares students for the content to be covered and for the outcomes they can expect to achieve by chapter’s end.
• All chapters offer an array of skills-oriented “Try This” boxes, which are introduced regularly to promote active learning and skill building as students make their way through each chapter. The material in these boxes encourages critical inquiry and thought as well as exploration of the role of ethics in interpersonal communication. These boxes feature self-inventories designed to help students assess their learning, skill level, and personal insights into such topics as empathy, reading nonverbal cues, and listening, as well as activities that promote experiential learning and build interpersonal communication skills.
• Every chapter contains one or more “Reflect on This” boxes, designed to make the theories discussed in the text come alive. These boxes highlight the research and/or the experiences of professionals whose work has widened the field’s understanding of interpersonal communication and, at the same time, guide students in applying the theories’ lessons to their own lives.
• Every chapter features “Analyze This” boxes, which encourage students to apply critical thinking to examples of interpersonal
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encounters from literature and popular culture. The material in these boxes is designed to promote discussion and facilitate analysis of interpersonal messages and interpersonal communication in action.
• Near the end of every chapter, “Connect the Case” presents a case study that spotlights one or more challenges occurring during interpersonal communication in a face-to-face or mediated environment. Examining these cases involves students in considering chapter content and assessing interpersonal outcomes.
• Special sections in every chapter focus on the topics of gender, culture, media, and technology. These sections address how the concepts covered in the chapter intertwine with these underlying themes of the text.
• At the end of every chapter is a Summary that connects chapter content to the chapter’s Learning Objectives. This is followed by a section titled “Look Back,” which contains two series of questions, “Check Your Understanding” and “Check Your Skills,” that are focused on the concepts and the practical applications the student should have mastered after experiencing the chapter. Page references accompany both sets of questions to guide students back to the relevant sections of the text for further study.