Essay 2 (MLA format) Responses

I am posting two drafts assigned to me I need to provide feedbacks.

For a description of the peer review process, including instructions for providing feedback. The goal of the peer review process is to provide purposeful and helpful feedback. So you are not correcting and grading your peer's draft.

Review from other students should be based on

1. How well did I understood?

2. Interesting part or impressive part or saying like it would be better if you add more details to~

This peer review is not finished yet. For it to be considered finished, you need to leave at least one comment.

For a description of the peer review process, including instructions for providing feedback. The goal of the peer review process is to provide purposeful and helpful feedback. So you are not correcting and grading your peer's draft.

Review from other students should be based on

1. How well did I understood?

2. Interesting part or impressive part or saying like it would be better if you add more details to~

// Student 1 //

When talking about border policy, almost every time one fact about it comes up. This fact is about how dangerous the travels has become because of the policies the United States have passed. All the podcasts touch on similar topics to this, this specific policy is called, “Prevention Through Deterrence.” When thinking about crossing illegally everyone knows it is not easy by any means and is also not safe. The reason why it is thought of this way is because of Prevention Through Deterrence. Since it was passed the death rates for illegal immigrants spiked up dramatically. This creates a tough topic to bring up and it makes people question what is right and what is wrong about what the United States is doing. There is a reason we really do not hear about these statistics and there is a reason why it is rarely talked about on the news. The reason is because when people see what is really going on and how many people are dying, they start to question if it is right.

This policy was changing the route that these immigrants had to take and it led them straight into the dessert. The hope was to try and make them not want to go through it, making the rate of illegally crossing go down. The problem with this was that the number of deaths increased to a way higher number. People started to question the morality of it and if we were right to do this. They started to see that the government turned a blind eye to these deaths, the reason why was because it was no longer United States troops killing these people it was the environment. Soon people started to see it that way too, but there is still a large amount of people who think that there is a better way than that. It is a long, “war” that is going on and it needs to be resolved in a humane way. In the podcast, “Border Trilogy Part 3: What Remains” they talked about finding the body of Maricela, someone who was trying to cross the border. They were the first to discover her and had to contact the family themselves to inform them. It was a sad thing to hear about and it makes people wonder if there are more out there waiting to be discovered. Then that is when people start to think about it again, and the topic comes up. Talking about why they do it in the first place, why risk their lives.

There is always a reason for someone to try and cross illegally. They try and come here for hope, they come here to try and change their families lives. They are trying to find hope in their future when they could no longer see it. They are forced to make the decisions that they do. The legal process takes way too long, and a lot of the times these people do not have time to waste and need to make something happen right away. That is why this policy is so big, it is because the people that are dying because of this policy are people who are just trying to get another chance in life. They are not bad people and that is what makes it sad to talk or even hear about. So that is why this topic is not really talked about, when people really see what is happening they start to question what is the right thing to do. They see that this disturbing and realize that they would not want that for themselves so why do it to other people. That is also the problem, people do not like to talk about it because the reality is hard to swallow.

It is wrong what is happening, preventing people from crossing the border by leading them to a high chance of death. It is not humane, and it is sad. There is a better way of doing, we must find the best solution. Knowing that it is difficult to get in legally and knowing that they are doing it just to have a better life, having them dying because of it is not right. These things happen on a daily basis and people tend to forget about it because it is something we feel we do not have control over and it is sad. So, we push it away until we hear one of the rare stories that cover things that happen at the border. We can change it, we have to come together to change it.

// Student 2 //

The Constitution upon which America is built contains the foundations of John Locke’s writings about each individual’s natural rights, the rights to life, liberty, and property. These are the rights that are guaranteed to every American citizen. You can finish your thesis when you figure out the focus of the body paragraphs you wrote.

I must ask myself, what has forced them to enter the United States illegally? In “What Remains,” researcher Jason De Leon discovered the body of one Marciela Ahguipolla in the Sonoran Desert and the family she never got to meet up with in America. The family she left behind had to go through a human trafficking service where her brother-in-law was raped three times. The desert that Marciela died in contains the bones of thousands of other bodies and families just like hers with families who migrated from Mexico to seek opportunities to create a more prosperous life for them and their families. Why is it then, that when Border Patrol Sector Chief, Dale Musegades, was questioned about his harassment towards Hispanic US citizens, he responded by saying “they (Mexican migrants) do not have rights to come into the United States illegally…” Border Patrol, and by extension the U.S government, violates constitutional rights and harrasses teenage students in order to let human trafficking and the deaths of thousands of people continue. All of this just to keep some drugs out of the country. Musegades’ replacement had the strategy to make a line of Border Patrol agents to catch anyone trying to cross the border in El Paso. Then that creates the issue of billions of taxpayer dollars going to a bunch of people standing around not contributing to the economy and keeping out thousands of people who just want to work. So I return to that question of why it is so important to keep migrants out of the country rather than making it easier to get into the country. At least, at that point, a majority of well-intentioned people who wish to work don’t have to illegally cross the border. That is the issue with saying that these “illegal immigrants” are “criminals”-- the American government is criminalizing the poor who see that America has opportunities for them to work for a better life but any avenue that would allow them to do so is either blocked behind a paywall, or wouldn’t even consider them as a worthy candidate for becoming an American citizen. Thus, the very thing that some would characterize as an American trait, working yourself into a more prosperous lifestyle, is actively punished by that same country. Instead, it has created a government sponsored industry to snuff out the American dream in the heads of non-Americans.

So who does make it in America? The drug traffickers and the human traffickers have already developed systems and routes to circumvent Border Patrol and make extra money off of people who have no other option than to use them to cross the border. Every step of the process is just littered with people who abuse the system being rewarded and the people who follow the “proper” process of immigration get punished. It can take five years for someone to even be allowed to apply for a green card. Insert some interesting thoughts here that expand and segue into this thingy.

When the people who die in the Sonoran deserts are denied that right to life, liberty, and property, they are not just denied American rights, they are denied the “unalienable and God-given rights of individuals,” the government isn’t just letting them die, they are dehumanizing them and they are implying that they are not equal to Americans, not deserving of rights, nor deserving of life. And it feels weird that I have to justify why the American Government shouldn’t be letting people die in the desert. Even the reasoning for keeping borders tight is flawed because if those drugs were legalized and regulated by the government, the U.S government would be able to make money off of it, they could heavily regulate it, rehabilitation would be way easier, and they could corner the market to prevent it from being profitable for drug lords. It’s a self perpetuating system where drugs are deemed illegal, illegal immigrants are bringing drugs into the U.S, all illegal immigrants are bringing drugs in, and so on.

So who benefits from the deaths of migrants and the perpetuation of current drug laws? Most likely politicians, Border Patrol, and companies who use illegal immigrants to cut costs in production. Politicians get to say they’re lowering illegal immigration numbers, Border Patrol agents get paid for aiding politician’s agendas, and companies get to profit by the mass of illegal immigrants who make it past the border. Just how the current immigration system benefits drug/human traffickers who abuse people and the system to benefit, the people in power and those with wealth benefit by taking advantage of the disadvantaged and by skewing the rules to always favor them. Conclusioonnnnnn!

This is a very first draft type thing going on, so if you could help pick and choose which ideas you found the most interesting or some threads you’d like to see greatly expanded upon, I’d greatly appreciate it! I’m having some trouble choosing which thoughts are the most important/relevant and how to make them less preachy I suppose-- I want it to feel more like a cohesive analysis while still maintaining that feeling of “it feels weird that I have to justify why the American Government shouldn’t be letting people die in the desert.”