Analyzing A Corporate Message
Analyzing a Corporate Message Instructions In July 2015, Stephen Elop announced major changes at Microsoft. Read the file entitled:
Chapter 6 Stephen Elop Email to Employees (attached to the assignment instructions in Canvas).
You will now complete the following:
1. Identify and revise five sentences that are not complete.
2. Identify and revise five sentences that are not concise.
3. Identify and revise five sentences that are not natural.
4. Explain 3 strategies (from Chapter 6) for designing the document for faster navigation.
5. Revise the document. Attempt to cut the length in half. Use headings, bullets, and other design features to improve navigation.
Introduction
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CHAPTER 6
Improving Readability with Style and Design
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ESTABLISHING CREDIBILITY
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
PRINCIPLES FOR & TYPES OF BUSINESS MESSAGES
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Learning Objectives
After studying this chapter, you should be able to do the
following:
LO6.1 Describe and apply the following principles
of writing style that improve ease of reading:
completeness, conciseness, and natural
processing.
LO6.2 Explain and use navigational design to
improve ease of reading.
LO6.3 Describe and apply the components of the
reviewing stage, including a FAIR test,
proofreading, and feedback.
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Hear Pete Cardon
explain why this
matters.
bit.ly/cardon6
WHY DOES THIS MATTER?
In Chapter 5 , we
focused on getting your
message right with the AIM
planning process. Then we
introduced the importance
of tone as you begin
formally drafting your
message. In this chapter, we
focus on style and design—
the next considerations as
you draft your message. At
this point, your entire focus
should be making your
message easy to read.
In short, your audience members—whether executives,
managers, other professionals, or clients and customers—
are typically preoccupied with many projects and
overwhelmed with messages and information. When you
make your messages easy to read, your audience is more
likely to read them carefully and understand them as you
intended.
Many of the principles in this chapter focus on simplifying
your words and sentences. This should not be confused
with oversimplifying and minimizing your message. Your
messages should contain the best of ideas with strong
support. If your message is difficult to read, however, your
ideas may not even be considered.
In this chapter, we discuss four broad goals. The first three
goals relate to writing style and include being complete,
concise, and natural. The final goal is to design your
1
http://bit.ly/cardon6
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document for rapid navigation. Throughout the chapter, you
will find less effective and more effective examples of each
of these style and design elements. These examples come
directly from the chapter case. Make sure to skim -
Stephanie’s original difficult-to-read brochure draft (see
Figure 6.1 ) so you understand the context for the chapter
examples. By the end of the chapter, you will see the
revisions that result in the final version of the brochure (see
Figure 6.3 ).
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FIGURE 6.1 Stephanie’s Original, Difficult-to-Read Brochure
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CHAPTER CASE: PROMOTING FRANCHISES AT SUNRISE GREETING CARDS AND FLOWERS
THE SITUATION
Over the past 20 years, Sunrise Greeting Cards and Flowers
has succeeded far beyond Stephanie Jorgenson’s original
expectations. Her model of high-end greeting cards, flower
arrangements, and other special-occasion gifts appealed to a
growing customer base. In fact, even with increasing
accessibility to low-end greeting cards at department stores
and free e-cards, she found that her customers had grown
more loyal and purchased more than ever.
In recent years, Stephanie has received many requests from
people to open franchises. Because she was not in a position
to expand as quickly as the market seemed to dictate, she
thought franchising would be a good option.
Six months ago, she hired a franchising consultant,
who provided her with a basic strategy and action
plan to make franchising possible. With her top management
team, she set up the basic terms for franchises.
Stephanie Jorgenson, owner and founder © Ariel Skelley/Blend Images LLC
Started her greeting
card business 20 years
ago
Has expanded to 32
stores
Wants to set up
franchises
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One of Stephanie’s immediate goals was to produce a
brochure to explain opportunities for franchisee opportunities.
Stephanie had thought carefully about the audience for the
brochure. She wanted financially strong and ambitious
individuals. She also wanted people with a strong sense of
optimism and customer orientation. She felt that success in her
business was strongly related to genuine delight in helping
others celebrate their special moments.
In terms of message structure, she had seen a number of
brochures that she felt could be good models. Generally, they
included an introductory message from the company
president. Then, they typically contained information about
financial qualifications and application procedures. She wanted
a brochure that would be upbeat but also clear about the
strong financial position needed to qualify for a franchise.
Her plan was to distribute the brochure personally to contacts
at industry expos she attended throughout the year. She also
envisioned mailing it, placing it on the company website, and
sending it by email.
Stephanie drafted a document (see Figure 6.1 ) for the
brochure. She asked several of her colleagues for input on the
content. They all told her the same thing: “This is hard to read.”
TASK
1. How can Stephanie improve the writing style of the
document so that potential franchisees will easily read it?
(See the “Improving Ease of Reading with
Completeness ,” “Improving Ease of Reading with
Conciseness ,” and “Improving Ease of Reading with
Natural Style ” sections.)
2. How can Stephanie improve her document’s navigational
design so that potential franchisees can find important
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pieces of information rapidly? (See the “Improving Ease of
Reading with Navigational Design ” section.)
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