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Analyzing A Corporate Message

Analyzing a Corporate Message Instructions In July 2015, Stephen Elop announced major changes at Microsoft. Read the file entitled:

Chapter 6 Stephen Elop Email to Employees (attached to the assignment instructions in Canvas).

You will now complete the following:

1. Identify and revise five sentences that are not complete.

2. Identify and revise five sentences that are not concise.

3. Identify and revise five sentences that are not natural.

4. Explain 3 strategies (from Chapter 6) for designing the document for faster navigation.

5. Revise the document. Attempt to cut the length in half. Use headings, bullets, and other design features to improve navigation.

Introduction

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CHAPTER 6

Improving Readability with Style and Design

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ESTABLISHING CREDIBILITY

PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

PRINCIPLES FOR & TYPES OF BUSINESS MESSAGES

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Learning Objectives

After studying this chapter, you should be able to do the

following:

LO6.1 Describe and apply the following principles

of writing style that improve ease of reading:

completeness, conciseness, and natural

processing.

LO6.2 Explain and use navigational design to

improve ease of reading.

LO6.3 Describe and apply the components of the

reviewing stage, including a FAIR test,

proofreading, and feedback.

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Hear Pete Cardon

explain why this

matters.

bit.ly/cardon6

WHY DOES THIS MATTER?

In Chapter 5 , we

focused on getting your

message right with the AIM

planning process. Then we

introduced the importance

of tone as you begin

formally drafting your

message. In this chapter, we

focus on style and design—

the next considerations as

you draft your message. At

this point, your entire focus

should be making your

message easy to read.

In short, your audience members—whether executives,

managers, other professionals, or clients and customers—

are typically preoccupied with many projects and

overwhelmed with messages and information. When you

make your messages easy to read, your audience is more

likely to read them carefully and understand them as you

intended.

Many of the principles in this chapter focus on simplifying

your words and sentences. This should not be confused

with oversimplifying and minimizing your message. Your

messages should contain the best of ideas with strong

support. If your message is difficult to read, however, your

ideas may not even be considered.

In this chapter, we discuss four broad goals. The first three

goals relate to writing style and include being complete,

concise, and natural. The final goal is to design your

1

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document for rapid navigation. Throughout the chapter, you

will find less effective and more effective examples of each

of these style and design elements. These examples come

directly from the chapter case. Make sure to skim -

Stephanie’s original difficult-to-read brochure draft (see

Figure 6.1 ) so you understand the context for the chapter

examples. By the end of the chapter, you will see the

revisions that result in the final version of the brochure (see

Figure 6.3 ).

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FIGURE 6.1 Stephanie’s Original, Difficult-to-Read Brochure

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CHAPTER CASE: PROMOTING FRANCHISES AT SUNRISE GREETING CARDS AND FLOWERS

THE SITUATION

Over the past 20 years, Sunrise Greeting Cards and Flowers

has succeeded far beyond Stephanie Jorgenson’s original

expectations. Her model of high-end greeting cards, flower

arrangements, and other special-occasion gifts appealed to a

growing customer base. In fact, even with increasing

accessibility to low-end greeting cards at department stores

and free e-cards, she found that her customers had grown

more loyal and purchased more than ever.

In recent years, Stephanie has received many requests from

people to open franchises. Because she was not in a position

to expand as quickly as the market seemed to dictate, she

thought franchising would be a good option.

Six months ago, she hired a franchising consultant,

who provided her with a basic strategy and action

plan to make franchising possible. With her top management

team, she set up the basic terms for franchises.

Stephanie Jorgenson, owner and founder © Ariel Skelley/Blend Images LLC

Started her greeting

card business 20 years

ago

Has expanded to 32

stores

Wants to set up

franchises

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One of Stephanie’s immediate goals was to produce a

brochure to explain opportunities for franchisee opportunities.

Stephanie had thought carefully about the audience for the

brochure. She wanted financially strong and ambitious

individuals. She also wanted people with a strong sense of

optimism and customer orientation. She felt that success in her

business was strongly related to genuine delight in helping

others celebrate their special moments.

In terms of message structure, she had seen a number of

brochures that she felt could be good models. Generally, they

included an introductory message from the company

president. Then, they typically contained information about

financial qualifications and application procedures. She wanted

a brochure that would be upbeat but also clear about the

strong financial position needed to qualify for a franchise.

Her plan was to distribute the brochure personally to contacts

at industry expos she attended throughout the year. She also

envisioned mailing it, placing it on the company website, and

sending it by email.

Stephanie drafted a document (see Figure 6.1 ) for the

brochure. She asked several of her colleagues for input on the

content. They all told her the same thing: “This is hard to read.”

TASK

1. How can Stephanie improve the writing style of the

document so that potential franchisees will easily read it?

(See the “Improving Ease of Reading with

Completeness ,” “Improving Ease of Reading with

Conciseness ,” and “Improving Ease of Reading with

Natural Style ” sections.)

2. How can Stephanie improve her document’s navigational

design so that potential franchisees can find important

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pieces of information rapidly? (See the “Improving Ease of

Reading with Navigational Design ” section.)

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