Interpersonal messages communication and relationship skills pdf

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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by …

ACTIVELY engaging students by appealing to their interests in popular culture, media, and technology. SHOWING students how online connections affect the media generation and the dynamics of the interpersonal experience. PROVIDING abundant opportunities for students to actively apply and practice what they are learning. EXPLORING how gender and culture influence interaction. SHEDDING NEW LIGHT on the everyday interactions and relationships of students.

This text uses an applied approach and an interactive style to engage students. Every chapter considers how media and technology affect the dynamics of relationships and self-expression. The authors also focus on diversity and developing cultural understanding through explorations in every chapter of how gender and culture help shape experiences of interpersonal communication.

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication through abundant interactive pedagogical features throughout the text, including:

Learning Objectives

What Do You Know?

“I liked how it had a true/false section in the beginning of the chapter so you can see what you know before you even read the chapter.”

—Margaret Rountree, Student Old Dominion University

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“The ‘What Do You Know’ sections are excellent because they provide a framework for students to read the chapter. It helps them determine what is most important.”

—Todd Lee Goen, Professor Christopher Newport University

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Try This

“My favorite feature is ‘Try This.’” —Wayne Thomas, Student

Old Dominion University

“I really like the ‘Try This’ because it provides instant ability for students to put into action what they are reading about in the text. Application is often the best way to learn so this is an awesome addition.”

—Christa Tess Kalk, Professor Minneapolis Community & Technical College

“The ‘Try This’ sections really seemed to spark some good discussion in the class. This allowed students to see their communication as effective or ineffective, appropriate or inappropriate, and allowed them to look inward. It gave them a chance to reflect on how/why they experience difficulties in relationships and how they can better approach conflict.”

— Lee Lavery, Professor Ivy Tech Community College

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.......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication through abundant interactive pedagogical features throughout the text, including:

Analyze This

ANALYZE THIS: Edward de Bono

Edward de Bono is a physician and leading authority on creative thinking. What does the following excerpt from de Bono’s I Am Right—You Are Wrong suggest about how the Japanese handle conflict?

Every day the leading executives in the Japanese motor industry meet for lunch in their special club. They discuss problems common to the whole motor industry. But a soon as lunch is over and they step over the threshold of the club, out into the street, they are bitter enemies seeking to kill each other’s business by marketing, technical changes, pricing policy, etc. For the Japanese, who do not have the tradition of Western logic, there is no contradiction at all between “friend” and “enemy.” They find it easy to conceive of someone as a friend–enemy or enemy–friend.

SOURCE: Edward de Bono, I Am Right—You Are Wrong, New York: Viking, 1991, p. 196.

Reflect on This

“…so many opportunities to really engage learning throughout the chapter with reflection questions, application ideas, etc. Excellent!”

—Christa Tess Kalk, Professor Minneapolis Community & Technical College

REFLECT ON THIS: The Cell Effect

Researcher Noelle Chesley wanted to find out if the time people spent on cell-phones enhanced or detracted from their overall feelings of happiness. To answer the question, Chesley surveyed more than

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1,200 adults, concluding that a correlation existed: the more time individuals spent on cell-phones the less happy and less satisfied they became with their family relationships. Chesley attributed this, at least in part, to the work lives of people spilling over into their personal lives and causing stress at home.

Consider these questions:

1. Do your experiences confirm Chesley’s findings? Does time spent on your cell stress the relationships you share with people important to you, perhaps because you divide your attention, with less attention being paid to the person(s) with you?

2. Do you think Chesley would have found the same results if she had studied the time we spend on tablets or computers? Explain your answer.

3. What recommendations can you offer for alleviating such relationship stressors? For example, would you expect others to abide by rules specifying when to use cell phones or other digital tools?

Source: Noelle Chesley, “Blurring Boundaries? Linking Technology Use, Spillover, Individual Distress, and Family Satisfaction.” Journal of Marriage and Family, 67, 2005, p. 1237–1238.

and with even more pedagogy like: • Sections in every chapter which focus on Gender, Culture,

Media, and Technology • Connect the Case feature ends chapter with a case study for

further application • SAGE Original Interpersonal Communication Scenario Videos • Review This section at the end of each chapter including a

• Chapter Summary • Chapter Review • Check Your Understanding • Check Your Skills • Key Terms • SAGE Student Study Site Details

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FREE AND OPEN-ACCESS STUDENT SITE

“SAGE’s free and open-access site will be the biggest draw for all of those tools since many online accompanying tools usually cost students quite a bit extra. The flashcards and study questions would draw my personal interest the most.”

—Lyndsi Earle, Student Old Dominion University

SAGE provides comprehensive and free online resources at sagepub.com.gambleic designed to support and enhance both instructors’ and students’ experiences.

Students maximize their understanding of introduction to interpersonal communication through the free, open-access Student Study Site.

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STUDENT RESOURCES INCLUDE:

• SAGE Journal Articles

• SAGE Original Videos

• Web resources

• eFlashcards

• Web quizzes

• Study questions

• Social media guidelines

• Video resources

• Self-assessment quizzes

PASSWORD-PROTECTED INSTRUCTOR TEACHING SITE

Strikes a never-before-seen balance between general education goals AND preparation for Communication majors (links to journal articles in Communication are a major plus).”

—Kathleen Glenister Roberts, Professor

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Duquesne University

SAGE provides comprehensive and free online resources at sagepub.com.gambleic designed to support and enhance both instructors’ and students’ experiences.

Instructors benefit from access to the password-protected Instructor Teaching Site.

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INSTRUCTOR RESOURCES INCLUDE:

• Test bank

• PowerPoint slides

• Sample syllabi

• Class assignments

• Video resources

• Web resources

• SAGE WATCH THIS scenario videos and video links

• SAGE Journal Articles with articles for every chapter (includes information on how to read and critique a journal article)

• Social media guidelines

.......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by asking them what they think of our text. Here is what they are saying:

WRITING STYLE AND RELATABILITY

“The writing was really easy to comprehend. I really like all the self- assessments. After taking all the self-assessments I could learn a little bit more about myself.”

—Juliana Pires, Student Old Dominion University

“The text is user-friendly, seems to be geared toward an introductory student level, and offers real-life examples that promote understanding/application.”

—Lee Lavery, Professor Ivy Tech Community College

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“My favorite chapter was the constructive communication behaviors, and it has helped me by teaching me about the role reversal technique, which I didn’t know about before—it will allow me to see the other person’s side more clearly.”

—Gabriel Lopez, Student Old Dominion University

ACTIVITIES, ASSESSMENTS, AND FEATURES

“I really liked the GUIDELINES FOR RESOLVING CONFLICT because having the proper knowledge to resolve conflicts can help us to improve our interpersonal skills and communicate better with people, avoiding problems.”

—Rosario Villagra, Student Old Dominion University

“The activities give a better idea of a complex subject. The way the information is written and laid out is simple to understand and involves the reader more. I liked how it had a true/false section in the beginning of the chapter so you can see what you know before you even read the chapter.”

—Margaret Rountree, Student Old Dominion University

“The nonverbal chapter is the best I’ve seen.” —Todd Lee Goen, Professor

Christopher Newport University

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OVERALL TEXTBOOK EXPERIENCE

“…relatable stories and examples, as well as fun learning activities.” —Amanda Osborn, Student

Old Dominion University

“…interesting, easily understood, and I liked the fact that current pop culture examples were mentioned.”

—Stacy Evans, Student Ohlone College

.......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by offering them a lower-priced option

SAGE VALUE PRICE

“Of course as a college student I think the SAGE value price is great!” —Melissa Temple, Student

Old Dominion University

“Price is always a concern for students. As educators, we need to make certain our students are getting the best materials possible at a reasonable price.”

—Lee Lavery, Professor Ivy Tech Community College

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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

........... Building Connections Together ...........

TERI KWAL GAMBLE

COLLEGE OF NEW ROCHELLE

& MICHAEL W. GAMBLE

NEW YORK INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY

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FOR INFORMATION:

SAGE Publications, Inc. 2455 Teller Road Thousand Oaks, California 91320 E-mail: order@sagepub.com

SAGE Publications Ltd. 1 Oliver’s Yard 55 City Road London EC1Y 1SP United Kingdom

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Editorial Assistant: Stephanie Palermini

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Permissions Editor: Karen Ehrmann

Copyright © 2014 by SAGE Publications, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Gamble, Teri Kwal.

Interpersonal communication : building connections together / Teri Kwal Gamble, College of New Rochelle, Michael W. Gamble, New York Institute of Technology.

pages cm Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978–2-4522–2-0 (pbk.)

1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Communication—Psychological aspects. I. Gamble, Michael, 1943- II. Title.

HM1166.G36 2013 302—dc23 2012046294

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

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13 14 15 16 17 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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Brief Contents

PREFACE

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

PART I FOUNDATIONS

CHAPTER 1 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: A First Look CHAPTER 2 THE IMPACT OF SELF-CONCEPT CHAPTER 3 PERCEPTION

PART II MESSAGES

CHAPTER 4 LISTENING CHAPTER 5 COMMUNICATING WITH WORDS CHAPTER 6 NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION CHAPTER 7 CONVERSATIONS

PART III DYNAMICS

CHAPTER 8 EMOTIONS CHAPTER 9 TRUST AND DECEPTION

CHAPTER 10 POWER AND INFLUENCE CHAPTER 11 CONFLICT

PART IV RELATIONSHIPS IN CONTEXT

CHAPTER 12 RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS CHAPTER 13 INTIMACY AND DISTANCE IN RELATIONSHIPS CHAPTER 14 RELATIONSHIPS IN OUR LIVES: Family, Work, and

Health-Related Contexts

GLOSSARY

NOTES

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PHOTO CREDITS

INDEX

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Detailed Contents

PREFACE

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

PART 1: FOUNDATIONS

CHAPTER 1. INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: A FIRST LOOK

Learning Objectives

What Do You Know? What Is Interpersonal Communication?

Interpersonal Communication Is about Relationships Interpersonal Communication Takes Two Interpersonal Communication Is a Lifelong Project

TRY THIS: Today, Who Is a Stranger? Models of Interpersonal Communication

ANALYZE THIS: Are You in a Disguise? People

TRY THIS: Rating Relationships Messages Channels

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Noise Feedback Context Effect Visualizing Communication

How Does Interpersonal Communication Enhance Our Lives? It Fulfills Psychological Functions

TRY THIS: Making Model Sense It Fulfills Social Functions It Fulfills Information Functions It Fulfills Influence Functions

TRY THIS: Functions in Action Understanding Interpersonal Contact: Characteristics, Patterns, and Axioms

of Communication Five Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal Communication Is a Dynamic Process Interpersonal Communication Is Unrepeatable Interpersonal Communication Is Irreversible Interpersonal Communication Is Learned Interpersonal Communication Is Characterized by Wholeness and

Nonsummativity Interpersonal Patterns Five Communication Axioms

Axiom 1: You Cannot Not Communicate Axiom 2: Every Interaction Has Content and Relationship Dimensions Axiom 3: Every Interaction Is Defined by How It Is Punctuated Axiom 4: Messages Consist of Verbal Symbols and Nonverbal Cues Axiom 5: Interactions Are Either Symmetrical or Complementary

The Impact of Diversity and Culture Diversity and Communication Style Orientation and Cultural Context

Individual and Collective Orientation High-Context and Low-Context Communication

The Impact of Gender Gender and Communication Style

The Impact of Media and Technology

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TRY THIS: What’s Okay with You? On the Way to Gaining Communication Competence

Add to Your Storehouse of Knowledge about Interpersonal Communication

Recognize How Your Relationships Affect You Analyze Your Options Interact Ethically, Respect Diversity, and Think Critically about Your

Person-to-Person Contacts

REFLECT ON THIS: The Cell Effect Practice and Apply Skills to Improve Interpersonal Performance

CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Sylvia and Khalil Chapter Summary

Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms

CHAPTER 2. THE IMPACT OF SELF-CONCEPT

Learning Objectives

What Do You Know? The Self-Concept: Your Answer to Who You Are

ANALYZE THIS: The Clown TRY THIS: Who Are You? How Are the Self and Self-Concept Related?

How Accurate Is the Self-Concept? Self-Esteem: Assessing Self-Worth

High versus Low Self-Esteem

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Self-Esteem and Performance How Others Shape Our Self-Concept

We Reflect Others’ Appraisals

TRY THIS: Feelings about Age and Physical Ability We Compare Ourselves with Others We Have Perceived, Ideal, and Expected Selves

Goffman’s Dramaturgical Approach Imagining a Future Self

TRY THIS: The “Authentic” Self Reactions to You: Confirming, Rejecting, and Disconfirming Responses

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: The Influence of Positive and Negative Pygmalions

TRY THIS: Ups and Downs Revising Your Self-Concept: Reexamining Impressions and Conceptions

Diversity and Culture in Relationships: How Important Is the “I”? The Self in Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultures

REFLECT ON THIS: Changes The Self in High- and Low-Context Cultures The Self in High- and Low-Power-Distance Cultures

TRY THIS: Are You an “I” or Part of a “We”? Attitudes toward the Self across Cultures

Gender and Self-Concept

TRY THIS: Young and Old Seeing the Self through the Media and Technology Looking Glass

REFLECT ON THIS: Beauty Standards and Dying to Be Thin The Impact of the Media The Impact of Technology

ANALYZE THIS: MEdia Gaining Communication Competence: Ways to Strengthen Your Self-Concept

Update Pictures Take Lots and Lots of Pictures Explore Others’ Pictures of You

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Picture Possibilities

CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Aisha’s Term Paper Chapter Summary

Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms

CHAPTER 3. PERCEPTION

Learning Objectives

What Do You Know? Our Perception Defines Our Reality

Do We See the Same Realty? Perception in Action: The Process at Work

Selection Organization Evaluation and Interpretation Memory Response

ANALYZE THIS: The Deceptiveness of Appearance Frameworks of Perception

Schemata Perceptual Sets and Selectivities

REFLECT ON THIS: Attribution Theory

TRY THIS: Lessons Learned Ethnocentrism and Stereotypes

Barriers to Accurate Perception

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REFLECT ON THIS: Stereotypes Age and Person Perception

TRY THIS: The Appearance Factor Fact-Inference Confusions

TRY THIS: Can You Tell the Difference? Allness Indiscrimination

ANALYZE THIS: Is That All There Is? Frozen Evaluations and Snap Judgments Blindering Judging Others More Harshly than Ourselves

Diversity and Culture: Interpreting through Different I’s

Gender and Perception

The Media, Technology, and Perception The Media and Perception Technology and Perception

Gaining Communication Competence: Enhancing Your Perceptual Abilities Recognize the Part You Play Be a Patient Perceiver

TRY THIS: Facebook in Focus Become a Perception Checker Widen Your Perception See through the Eyes of Another Build Perceptual Bridges, Not Walls Consider How Technology Is Changing How We Perceive

CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Dax’s Trial Chapter Summary

Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms

PART II: MESSAGES

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CHAPTER 4. LISTENING

Learning Objectives

What Do You Know? Listening in Your Life

Differences between Hearing and Listening

The Differences between Effective and Ineffective Listeners

ANALYZE THIS: Understanding “Understanding” Stages of Listening

TRY THIS: How’s Your LQ (Listening Quotient)? Stage 1: Hearing Stage 2: Understanding Stage 3: Remembering Stage 4: Interpreting Stage 5: Evaluating Stage 6: Responding

Styles and Types of Listening Styles of Listening

People-Oriented Listening

REFLECT ON THIS: When Is Listening Not First and Foremost? Action-Oriented Listening Content-Oriented Listening Time-Oriented Listening

Types of Listening Appreciative Listening Comprehensive Listening Critical/Deliberative Listening Empathetic Listening

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Listening Ethics Do You Tune Out?

ANALYZE THIS: Active and Inactive Listening Do You Fake Attention? Do You Ignore Specific Individuals? Do You Lose Emotional Control? Do You Avoid Challenging Content? Are you Egocentric? Do You Waste Potential Listening Time? Are You Overly Apprehensive? Are You Suffering Symptoms of Listening Burnout?

Hurdling Listening Roadblocks

Responding with Feedback Defining Feedback Feedback Options

Feedback May Be Immediate or Delayed Feedback May Be Person- or Message-Focused Feedback May Be Low- or High-Monitored Feedback May Be Evaluative or Nonevaluative

Culture’s Influence on Listening

TRY THIS: It’s in the “I”s

TRY THIS: Culture, Communication Style, and Feedback Gender’s Influence on Listening

Media and Technological Influences on Listening Media Influences Technology’s Influences

TRY THIS: The Ethics of Illusionary Listening Gaining Communication Competence: Becoming a Better Listener

Catch Yourself Exhibiting a Bad Habit Substitute a Good Habit for a Bad Habit Listen with Your Whole Body Consistently Use Your Ears, Not Just Your Mouth See the Other Side

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Don’t Listen Assumptively Participate Actively

CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Nonlistening Flora Chapter Summary

Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms

CHAPTER 5. COMMUNICATING WITH WORDS

Learning Objectives

What Do You Know? Defining Language

The Meaning of Words The Triangle of Meaning

Removing Semantic Barriers Differentiate Denotative and Connotative Meaning Recognize How Time and Place May Change Meaning

TRY THIS: Measuring Meaning Consider the Effect of Your Words

Euphemisms and Linguistic Ambiguity Recognize Emotive Language

TRY THIS: Euphemisms and Strategic Ambiguity Acknowledge the Power of Polarizing Language Balance Politically Correct Language Beware of Bypassing

REFLECT ON THIS: Which Do You Prefer?

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Don’t Be Misled by Labels

TRY THIS: Is It Politically Correct or Incorrect? Language and Relationships: Communication Style, Words, and Feelings

ANALYZE THIS: Hurtful Words Culturespeak

TRY THIS: The Language-Culture Link Genderspeak

Language Can Diminish and Stereotype Women and Men Language Practices Reflect Goals and Feelings about Power

Age and Language

REFLECT ON THIS: The Muted Group Language, Media, and Technology

Experiencing Media

TRY THIS: How Would You Reengineer a Media Image? Experiencing Technology

Gaining Communication Competence: Making Your Words Work Are My Words Clear? Are My Words Appropriate? Am I Using Words That Are Concrete? Do My Words Speak to the Other Person and Reflect the Context? Do I Share “to Me” Meaning? Do I Respect Uniqueness? Do I Look for Growth?

CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Wounding Words Chapter Summary

Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms

CHAPTER 6. NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

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Learning Objectives

What Do You Know? Defining Nonverbal Communication

The Functions and Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication The Functions of Nonverbal Cues Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication

All Nonverbal Behavior Has Message Value Nonverbal Communication Is Ambiguous Nonverbal Communication Is Predominantly Relational Nonverbal Behavior May Reveal Deception

TRY THIS: It’s Not Just What You Say ... Reading Nonverbal Messages

Kinesics: The Messages of Movement Face and Eye Talk Putting on a Face: The Ethics of Face-Work

ANALYZE THIS: Facecrime Gestures and Posture: The Body in Motion and at Rest

TRY THIS: The Ethics of Impression Creation Decoding the Body’s Messages

Paralinguistics: The Messages of the Voice Pitch Volume Rate Articulation and Pronunciation

REFLECT ON THIS: Ummmmmmm ... Hesitations and Silence

Proxemics: Space and Distance Talks Spatial Relationships: Near or Far Places and Their Spaces: Decoding the Environment

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Territoriality: Yours and Mine Haptics: Touch Artifactual Communication and Appearance Olfactics: Smell Color: Associations and Connections Chronemics: The Communicative Value of Time

Culture and Nonverbal Behavior

REFLECT ON THIS: Does Beauty Pay? Gender and Nonverbal Behavior

TRY THIS: The Race Factor Nonverbal Cues and Flirting: Expressing Interest or Disinterest

TRY THIS: Top Billing Media, Technology, and Nonverbal Messages

TRY THIS: Can You Read the Cues? Gaining Communication Competence in Nonverbal Communication

Pay Attention to Nonverbal Messages When Uncertain about a Nonverbal Cue’s Meaning, Ask! Realize Inconsistent Messages Have Communicative Value Match the Degree of Closeness you Seek with the Nonverbal Behavior

You Display Monitor Your Nonverbal Behavior Acknowledge That Abilities to Encode and Decode Nonverbal

Messages Vary

CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Surprised Sam Chapter Summary

Check Your Understanding Check Your Skills Key Terms

CHAPTER 7. CONVERSATIONS

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Learning Objectives

What Do You Know? The Importance of Conversational Contact

TRY THIS: Do You Like to Talk? What Is Conversation?

TRY THIS: The Elevator Conversation: Games and Players Conversational Structure

TRY THIS: Conversational Analysis The Greeting Topic Priming The Heart of the Conversation Preliminary Processing The Closing

Conversational Management Turn Taking: Maintaining and Yielding the Floor The Cooperation Principle

TRY THIS: Whose Turn Is It, Anyway? The Dialogue Principle

ANALYZE THIS: Relationship Turns Repairing Conversational Damage

Cultural Differences and Conversation

Gender Differences and Conversation

REFLECT ON THIS: Interruptitis Media and Technology Talk