Looking out looking in 14th edition chapter 1 pdf

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How does understanding cultural difference relate to tolerance?

Why is it important to recognize that differences exist in nonverbal rules of different cultures?

Which is the more challenging response skill to use, empathy or sympathy? Why?

Which listening responses do you feel you need to improve, and why?

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READINGS Social Networking, Survival, and Healing 19

Talking with Little Girls 48

Is Misleading Your Spouse Fraud or Tact? 68

Parents as Facebook Friends: Too Much Information? 87

Learning Empathy by Doing 101

Introverts: Thoughtful, Not Shy 118

My First Flame 127

Critic’s Math 139

Finding the Words to Talk About Disability 163

The Look of a Victim 199

The Way You Talk Can Hurt You? 204

Meetings Going “Topless” 229

Why Won’t Anyone Let Me Feel Sad? 237

Online Liars Leave Leads 252

Learning the Languages of Love 298

Rankism: The Poison that Destroys Relationships 324

Paying It Forward Pays Back 355

ON THE JOB Communication and Career Success 8

Sexual Harassment and Perception 95

Emotion Labor in the Workplace 125

Swearing in the Workplace 167

Nonverbal Communication in Job Interviews 201

Listening in the Workplace 220

Memorable Messages: Initiating Company Newcomers 257

Romance in the Workplace 283

Communication Climate and Job Satisfaction 316

Workplace Bullying 351

PAUSE AND REFLECT How Personal Are Your Facebook Relationships? 14

How Networked Are You? 20

Your Self-Esteem 40

“Ego Boosters” and “Ego Busters” 43

Recognizing Your Strengths 45

Your Many Identities 53

Building a Johari Window 61

Your Perceptual Schema 80

Role Reversal 93

Recognizing Your Emotions 120

Expanding Your Emotional Vocabulary 130

Talking to Yourself 137

How Irrational Are You? 142

Avoiding Troublesome Language 158

Your Linguistic Rules 162

Conjugating “Irregular Verbs” 168

Exploring Gender Differences in Communication 176

High- and Low-Context Communication 180

Body Language 195

The Rules of Touch 207

Distance Makes a Difference 209

Listening Breakdowns 223

Speaking and Listening with a “Talking Stick” 228

When Advising Does and Doesn’t Work 239

What Would You Say? 241

Quick Reference Guide

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E Your Relational Stage 262

Your Dialectical Tensions 266

Your IQ (Intimacy Quotient) 281

Your Family’s Communication Patterns 290

Gender and Friendship 293

Relational Turning Points 296

Maintaining Your Relationships 301

Your Relational Transgressions 303

Evaluating Communication Climates 319

Defensiveness Feedback 325

Understanding Conflict Styles 359

Your Conflict Rituals 361

SKILL BUILDERS Stages in Learning Communication Skills 25

Check Your Competence 27

Appropriate Self-Disclosure 66

Punctuation Practice 83

Perception Checking Practice 100

Pillow Talk 107

Feelings and Phrases 131

Rational Thinking 145

Down-to-Earth Language 158

Practicing “I” Language 172

Paraphrasing Practice 235

Behaviors and Interpretations 328

Name the Feeling 328

Putting Your Message Together 331

Coping with Criticism 337

LOOKING AT DIVERSITY Igor Ristic: Competent Communication around

the World 28

Lexie Lopez-Mayo: Culture, Gender, and Self- Disclosure 59

Christa Kilvington: Socioeconomic Stereotyping 89

Todd Epaloose: A Native American Perspective on Emotional Expression 123

Pilar Bernal de Pheils: Speaking the Patient’s Language 178

Annie Donnellon: Blindness and Nonverbal Cues 203

Austin Lee: Culture and Listening Responses 223

Kevin Schomaker: Forging Relationships with Social Media 254

Scott Johnson: Multicultural Families and Communication Challenges 288

Abdel Jalil Elayyadi: Promoting Understanding 326

Marilynn Jorgensen: Conflict and Cultural Style 365

IN REAL LIFE Appropriate and Inappropriate Self-Disclosure 64

Perception Checking in Everyday Life 98

The Pillow Method in Action 108

Guidelines for Emotional Expression 133

Rational Thinking in Action 146

“I” and “You” Language on the Job 172

Recognizing Nonverbal Cues 211

Paraphrasing on the Job 232

The Assertive Message Format 330

Responding Nondefensively to Criticism 338

Win–Win Problem Solving 370

ETHICAL CHALLENGES Martin Buber’s I and Thou 13

Must We Always Tell the Truth? 71

Empathy and the Golden Rule 105

Aristotle’s Golden Mean 132

Unconditional Positive Regard 243

Nonviolence: A Legacy of Principled Effectiveness 336

Dirty Fighting with Crazymakers 353

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i

F O U R T E E N T H E D I T I O N

Ronald B. Adler Santa Barbara City College

Russell F. Proctor II Northern Kentucky University

Looking Out Looking In

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Looking Out/Looking In, Fourteenth Edition Ronald B. Adler, Russell F. Proctor II

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Brief Contents

CHAPTER ONE A FIRST LOOK AT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION 2

PART I LOOKING IN

CHAPTER TWO COMMUNICATION AND IDENTITY: CREATING AND PRESENTING THE SELF 36

CHAPTER THREE PERCEPTION: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET 76

CHAPTER FOUR EMOTIONS: FEELING, THINKING, AND COMMUNICATING 114

PART II LOOKING OUT

CHAPTER FIVE LANGUAGE: BARRIER AND BRIDGE 152

CHAPTER SIX NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION: MESSAGES BEYOND WORDS 186

CHAPTER SEVEN LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 216

PART III LOOKING AT RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

CHAPTER EIGHT COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS 248

CHAPTER NINE INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS 276

CHAPTER TEN IMPROVING COMMUNICATION CLIMATES 310

CHAPTER ELEVEN MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS 344

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Contents

Preface xi About the Authors 1

CHAPTER ONE A FIRST LOOK AT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION 2 Why We Communicate 4

Physical Needs 5 Identity Needs 5 Social Needs 6 Practical Goals 7

The Process of Communication 7 A Linear View 8 A Transactional View 9 Interpersonal and Impersonal Communication 12

Communication Principles and Misconceptions 15 Communication Principles 15 Communication Misconceptions 17

Social Media and Interpersonal Communication 18 Benefits of Social Media 18 Challenges of Social Media 21

What Makes an Effective Communicator? 22 Communication Competence Defined 22 Characteristics of Competent Communicators 23 Competence in Intercultural Communication 27 Competence in Social Media 30

Summary 32 Key Terms 32 Online Resources 33 Search Terms 33 Film and Television 34

PART I LOOKING IN

CHAPTER TWO COMMUNICATION AND IDENTITY: CREATING AND PRESENTING THE SELF 36

Communication and the Self 38 Self-Concept and Self-Esteem 38 Biological and Social Roots of the Self 40 Characteristics of the Self-Concept 43 Culture, Gender, and Identity 47 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and Communication 49

Presenting the Self: Communication as Identity Management 51 Public and Private Selves 51 Characteristics of Identity Management 52 Why Manage Identities? 54

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S Managing Identities in Person and Online 55 Identity Management and Honesty 57

Self-Disclosure in Relationships 58 Models of Self-Disclosure 58 Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure 61 Guidelines for Self-Disclosure 63

Alternatives to Self-Disclosure 66 Silence 67 Lying 67 Equivocating 69 Hinting 70 The Ethics of Evasion 70

Summary 72 Key Terms 72 Online Resources 73 Search Terms 73 Film and Television 74

CHAPTER THREE PERCEPTION: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET 76 The Perception Process 78

Selection 79 Organization 79 Interpretation 84 Negotiation 85

Influences on Perception 86 Access to Information 86 Physiological Influences 86 Cultural Differences 89 Social Roles 91

Common Tendencies in Perception 93 We Judge Ourselves More Charitably Than We Judge Others 93 We Cling to First Impressions 94 We Assume that Others Are Similar to Us 94 We Are Influenced by Our Expectations 95 We Are Influenced by the Obvious 96

Perception Checking 96 Elements of Perception Checking 97 Perception Checking Considerations 97

Empathy, Cognitive Complexity, and Communication 100 Empathy 100 Cognitive Complexity 102

Summary 110 Key Terms 110 Online Resources 111 Search Terms 111 Film and Television 112

CHAPTER FOUR EMOTIONS: FEELING, THINKING, AND COMMUNICATING 114 What Are Emotions? 116

Physiological Factors 117 Nonverbal Reactions 117 Cognitive Interpretations 117 Verbal Expression 119

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Influences on Emotional Expression 121 Personality 121 Culture 121 Gender 122 Social Conventions 122 Fear of Self-Disclosure 124 Emotional Contagion 124

Guidelines for Expressing Emotions 126 Recognize Your Feelings 126 Recognize the Difference between Feeling, Talking, and Acting 128 Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary 128 Share Multiple Feelings 129 Consider When and Where to Express Your Feelings 130 Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings 132 Be Mindful of the Communication Channel 132

Managing Difficult Emotions 134 Facilitative and Debilitative Emotions 134 Sources of Debilitative Emotions 135 Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Emotions 138 Minimizing Debilitative Emotions 143

Summary 148 Key Terms 148 Online Resources 149 Search Terms 149 Film and Television 150

PART II LOOKING OUT

CHAPTER FIVE LANGUAGE: BARRIER AND BRIDGE 152 Language Is Symbolic 154 Understandings and Misunderstandings 156

Understanding Words: Semantic Rules 156 Understanding Structure: Syntactic Rules 158 Understanding Context: Pragmatic Rules 160

The Impact of Language 161 Naming and Identity 161 Affiliation 162 Power 165 Disruptive Language 166 The Language of Responsibility 169

Gender and Language 173 Content 173 Reasons for Communicating 174 Conversational Style 174 Nongender Variables 175

Culture and Language 177 Verbal Communication Styles 177 Language and Worldview 180

Summary 182 Key Terms 182 Online Resources 183 Search Terms 183 Film and Television 184

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S CHAPTER SIX NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION: MESSAGES BEYOND WORDS 186 Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication 188

Nonverbal Skills Are Vital 188 All Behavior Has Communicative Value 189 Nonverbal Communication Is Primarily Relational 189 Nonverbal Communication Serves Many Functions 190 Nonverbal Communication Offers Deception Clues 192 Nonverbal Communication Is Ambiguous 193

Influences on Nonverbal Communication 195 Gender 195 Culture 196

Types of Nonverbal Communication 198 Body Movement 198 Voice 202 Touch 205 Appearance 206 Physical Space 208 Physical Environment 210 Time 210

Summary 212 Key Terms 212 Online Resources 213 Search Terms 213 Film and Television 214

CHAPTER SEVEN LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 216 Listening Defined 219

Hearing versus Listening 219 Mindless Listening 219 Mindful Listening 220

Elements in the Listening Process 221 Hearing 221 Attending 221 Understanding 222 Responding 222 Remembering 222

The Challenge of Listening 224 Types of Ineffective Listening 224 Why We Don’t Listen Better 225 Meeting the Challenge of Listening Better 227

Types of Listening Responses 228 Prompting 229 Questioning 230 Paraphrasing 231 Supporting 235 Analyzing 238 Advising 238 Judging 240 Choosing the Best Listening Response 240

Summary 244 Key Terms 244 Online Resources 245 Search Terms 245 Film and Television 246

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PART III LOOKING AT RELATIONAL DYNAMICS

CHAPTER EIGHT COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS 248 Why We Form Relationships 250

Appearance 250 Similarity 251 Complementarity 252 Reciprocal Attraction 253 Competence 253 Disclosure 253 Proximity 254 Rewards 254

Models of Relational Dynamics 255 A Developmental Perspective 255 A Dialectical Perspective 262

Characteristics of Relationships 266 Relationships Are Constantly Changing 267 Relationships Are Affected by Culture 267

Communicating about Relationships 268 Content and Relational Messages 268 Types of Relational Messages 269 Metacommunication 271

Summary 272 Key Terms 272 Online Resources 273 Search Terms 273 Film and Television 274

CHAPTER NINE INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS 276 Intimacy in Close Relationships 278

Dimensions of Intimacy 278 Masculine and Feminine Intimacy Styles 279 Cultural Influences on Intimacy 281 Intimacy in Mediated Communication 282 The Limits of Intimacy 283

Communication in Families 284 Characteristics of Family Communication 284 Families as Systems 286 Communication Patterns Within Families 287

Communication in Friendships 290 Types of Friendships 290 Sex, Gender, and Friendship 291 Friendship and Social Media 294

Communication in Romantic Relationships 294 Romantic Turning Points 295 Couples’ Conflict Styles 295 Languages of Love 297

Improving Close Relationships 298 Relationships Require Commitment 299 Relationships Require Maintenance and Support 299 Repairing Damaged Relationships 302

Summary 306 Key Terms 306

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S Online Resources 307 Search Terms 307 Film and Television 308

CHAPTER TEN IMPROVING COMMUNICATION CLIMATES 310 Communication Climate and Confirming Messages 312

Levels of Message Confirmation 312 How Communication Climates Develop 317

Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies 319 Face-Threatening Acts 319 Preventing Defensiveness in Others 320

Saving Face 326 The Assertive Message Format 326 Responding Nondefensively to Criticism 332

Summary 340 Key Terms 340 Online Resources 341 Search Terms 341 Film and Television 342

CHAPTER ELEVEN MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS 344 The Nature of Conflict 346

Conflict Defined 346 Conflict Is Natural 348 Conflict Can Be Beneficial 348

Conflict Styles 348 Avoiding (Lose–Lose) 349 Accommodating (Lose–Win) 350 Competing (Win–Lose) 351 Compromising (Partial Lose–Lose) 354 Collaborating (Win–Win) 356 Which Style to Use? 356

Conflict in Relational Systems 358 Complementary, Symmetrical, and Parallel Styles 358 Destructive Conflict Patterns: The Four Horsemen 360 Conflict Rituals 360

Variables in Conflict Styles 362 Gender 362 Culture 363

Constructive Conflict Skills 364 Collaborative Problem Solving 365 Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answers 368

Summary 372 Key Terms 372 Online Resources 373 Search Terms 373 Film and Television 374

Endnotes 376 Feature Box Notes 407 Glossary 409 Name Index 416 Subject Index 419

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xi

Preface

In a world where change seems like the only constant, some truths about education endure. Talented and inspiring professors can transform lives. Learning is best when there’s a connection between abstract ideas and the student’s own life. Interaction makes learning more effective and exciting. And, we believe, textbooks—whether in print or digital form—continue to play an important role by organizing course material into a coherent whole that reinforces and expands on information presented in class and online.

What’s Familiar This edition of Looking Out/Looking In retains the elements that have made it the best- selling interpersonal communication textbook for over four decades, used by over one million students. As always, the user-friendly approach connects scholarship and everyday life. Virtually every page spread contains an attention-grabbing assortment of materials that support the text: articles from print and online sources, poetry, car- toons, photography, and profiles of popular films and television shows. A prominent treatment of ethical issues helps readers explore how to communicate in a principled manner. An extensive package of ancillary resources (described below) aims at helping students learn and instructors teach efficiently and effectively.

Looking Out/Looking In presents communication not as a collection of techniques we use on others, but as a process we engage in with them. Readers also learn that even the most competent communication doesn’t always seek to create warm, fuzzy relationships, and that even less personal interaction usually has the best chance of success when handled in a constructive, respectful manner.

The discussion of gender and culture is integrated throughout the book, rather than being isolated in separate chapters. The treatment of these important topics is non-ideological, citing research that shows how other variables are often at least as important in shaping interaction. The basic focus of the chapters has remained con- stant, and Chapters 2 through 11 can be covered in whatever order works best for individual situations.

New to This Edition Users of Looking Out/Looking In will find that the new edition has been improved in several ways while remaining true to its approach.

In response to many requests, the new Chapter 9 focuses on communication in the types of close relationships that matter most: with family, friends, and

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romantic partners. In addition, this chapter retains information about the various ways intimacy can be expressed. This new chapter concludes with guidelines for managing communication in all types of close relationships.

Material on self-disclosure is now in Chapter 2, where it fits most logically with the topics of self and identity management.

Most notably, coverage of social media has expanded to reflect the importance of mediated communication in personal relationships. For example, Chapter 1 includes a new section on competence in social media, Chapter 2 expands coverage of online impression management, and Chapter 8 explains how social media both shapes personal relationships and how people misrepresent themselves online. A reading in Chapter 2 describes the tensions that arise when parents try to connect with their children on Facebook. In Chapter 8, a young man with cerebral palsy describes how social media has opened doors for him to create and sustain relationships. In addition to in-text material, a bonus chapter dedicated to mediated communication, written by David DeAndrea of Ohio State University and Stephanie Tom Tong of Wayne State University, provides additional coverage of this important topic. To learn more about including the bonus chapter as part of a custom learning solution, please contact your Cengage Learning sales representative.

In addition to social media, every chapter describes updated research on inter- personal communication. For example, Chapter 1 updates the relationship between communication and physical health. Chapter 3 explains how expectations influence perception. Chapter 9 contains new material on relational maintenance and support. Chapter 11 includes an expanded discussion of toxic messages that can pollute a relationship. A new bonus chapter on military communication by Brandi Frisby is also available for inclusion as part of a custom learning solution, which you can learn more about by contacting your Cengage Learning sales representative.

This edition is loaded with examples that depict how communication operates in a variety of relationships. Television profiles include comedies like Parks and Recre- ation, How I Met Your Mother, and The Office; reality shows including Intervention, The Bachelor, and Undercover Boss; and dramas such as Mad Men, Parenthood, Glee, Downton Abbey, and Modern Family. Many other profiles come from popular films including The Invention of Lying, Easy A, The Hangover, The Artist, Irreconcilable Differences, Friends With Benefits, The Hunger Games, and the Harry Potter series.

Compelling readings have distinguished Looking Out/Looking In from the beginning. This edition features a new lineup that shows how principles in the text operate in a wide range of settings and relationships. For example, in Chapter 2, an observant dinner guest explains how even casual messages can shape the self-concept of young children. In Chapter 4, a self-confident introvert offers insights on—and appreciation of—people who prefer to observe instead of talk. In Chapter 5, a mother explains how labels make a dif- ference for describing her special needs daughter. Chapter 7 includes an essay explaining what messages are—and aren’t—helpful when confronting someone grieving over a loss. Chapter 11 includes insights about how “paying it forward” pays in the business world.

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P refaceThroughout the book, Looking at Diversity profiles—many new to this edition—provide

first-person accounts by communicators from a wide range of backgrounds. In Chapter 1, a man born and raised in Europe describes the challenges of communicating across cultures. Chapter 5 offers the perspective of a healthcare clinician whose job requires her and her associates to translate patients’ needs from Spanish to English. In Chapter 7, an intercultural scholar explains how listening responses in South Korea, where he was raised, are different from those in the United States. And Chapter 9 describes the challenges faced by a family in which the parents and children are from different races.

In-Text Learning Resources Every chapter contains a variety of resources to help students understand and use the prin- ciples introduced in the text. These include:

Looking at Diversity , many new to this edition, provide first-person accounts by communicators from a wide range of cultural, physical, ethnic, and occupa- tional backgrounds. These profiles help readers appreciate that interpersonal communication is shaped by who you are and where you come from.

On the Job in every chapter highlight the importance of interpersonal com- munication in the workplace. Grounded in scholarly research, these sidebars equip readers with communication strategies that will enhance career success.

In Real Life describe how the skills and concepts from the text sound in everyday life. Seeing real people use the skills in familiar situations gives students both the modeling and confidence to try them in their own relationships. Drama- tized versions of many of these transcripts are featured in the Looking Out/Looking In online resources described below.

in every chapter help readers engage with important concepts. They are labeled by type: Pause and Reflect (formerly Invitation to Insight) boxes help readers understand how theory and research apply to their own lives. Skill Builders help them improve their communication skills. Ethical Challenges offer wisdom about dilemmas that communicators face as they pursue their own goals.

Other Teaching and Learning Resources Along with the text itself, Looking Out/Looking In is accompanied by an extensive array of materials that will make teaching and learning more efficient and effective. : If you want your students to have access to the online resources for this text, please be sure to order them for your course. The content in these resources can be bundled with every new copy of the text or ordered separately. If you do not order them, your students will not have access to the online resources for the start of class. Contact your local Wads worth Cengage Learning sales representative for more details.

The Looking Out/Looking In is available for instructors who are interested in an alternate version of the book. Part of the Cengage Learning Advantage Series, this version of the book is paperback and black and white, and it offers a built- in student workbook at the end of each chapter that has perforated pages so material can be submitted as homework.

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The has been revised by Justin Braxton-Brown, Hopkins- ville Community College. It contains a wealth of resources to help students understand and master concepts and skills introduced in the text.

The more you study, the better the results. Make the most of your study time by accessing everything you need to succeed in one place. The

for Looking Out/Looking In includes these features.

The Looking Out/Looking In provides students with inter- active exercises, highlighting and bookmarking tools, search tools, and an online text-specific activity manual. The Student Activities Manual contains a wealth of resources to help students understand and master concepts and skills introduced in the text.

feature real-life communication scenarios, which allow students to watch and analyze videos of communication encounters that illustrate concepts discussed in the book. In addition, Interpersonal Simulations ask students to consider the consequences of their choices in hypothetical interper- sonal situations.

provide unscripted clips of students talking about their struggles and successes in college. Topics covered include taking notes to improve your grades, time management, and learning styles.

is a virtual library featuring more than 18 million reliable, full-length articles from five thousand academic and popular periodicals that can be retrieved almost instantly.

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Go to CengageBrain.com to access these resources, and look for this icon to find resources related to your text in Speech Communication CourseMate.

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A comprehensive , revised by Heidi Murphy, Central New Mexico Community College, provides tips and tools for both new and experi- enced instructors. The manual also contains hard copy of over 1,200 class-tested exam questions, indexed by page number and level of understanding.

The contains an electronic version of the Instructor’s Resource Manual, ExamView® Computerized Testing, predesigned Microsoft Power- Point® presentations, and JoinIn® classroom quizzing. The PowerPoint presentations contain text, images, and videos of student speeches and can be used as they are or customized to suit your course needs.

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include additional sce- narios covering interviewing and group work. Contact your Wadsworth Cengage Learning sales representative for details.

Communication in Film III: Teaching Communication Courses Using Feature Films by Russell F. Proctor II, Northern Kentucky University, expands on the film tips in each chapter of Looking Out/Looking In. This guide provides detailed suggestions for using both new and classic films to illustrate communication principles introduced in the text.

Media Guide for Interpersonal Communication by Charles G. Apple, University of Michigan-Flint, provides faculty with media resource listings focused on general inter- personal communication topics. Each listing provides compelling examples of how interpersonal communication concepts are illustrated in particular films, books, plays, websites, or journal articles. Discussion questions are provided.

The Teaching Assistant’s Guide to the Basic Course by Katherine G. Hendrix, Univer- sity of Memphis, is based on leading communication teacher training programs and covers general teaching and course management topics, as well as specific strategies for communication instruction, such as providing effective feedback on performance, managing sensitive class discussions, and conducting mock interviews.

A Guide to the Basic Course for ESL Students by Esther Yook, Mary Washington Col- lege, is available bundled with the text and assists the nonnative English speaker. It features FAQs, helpful URLs, and strategies for accent management and overcoming speech apprehension.

The Art and Strategy of Service Learning by Rick Isaacson and Jeff Saperstein can be bundled with the text and is an invaluable resource for students in a basic course that integrates a service-learning component. The handbook provides guidelines for con- necting service learning work with classroom concepts and advice for working effec- tively with agencies and organizations. The handbook also provides model forms and reports and a directory of online resources.

can help you get trained, get connected, and get the support you need for the seamless integration of digital resources into your course. This unparalleled technology service and training program provides robust online resources, peer-to-peer instruction, personalized training, and a customizable program you can count on. Visit cengagebrain.com/coursecare/ to sign up for online seminars, first day of class services, technical support, or personalized, face-to-face training. Our online and onsite trainings are frequently led by one of our Lead Teachers, faculty members who are experts in using Wadsworth Cengage Learning technology and can provide best practices and teaching tips.

As part of our , you can add your personal touch to Looking Out/Looking In with a course-specific cover and up to 32 pages of your own content at no additional cost. Create a text as unique as your course: quickly, simply, and afford- ably. Two bonus chapters unique to Looking Out/Looking In are available now: one about computer-mediated communication, the other about communication and the military.

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Acknowledgments We are grateful to the many people who helped bring you this new edition. Thanks are due to the colleagues whose reviews helped shape this new edition: Ronald Biddle, Clovis Community College; Jack Byer, Bucks County Community College; Jan Caldwell, Asheville- Buncombe Technical Community College; Linda Di Desidero, University of Maryland University College; Donna Ditton, Ivy Tech Community College; Clark Friesen, Lone Star College-Tomball; Laura Garcia, Washington State Community College; Julie Simanski, Des Moines Area Community College; Walt Thielen, Paradise Valley Community College; and Joseph Valenzano, University of Nevada-Las Vegas.

We are grateful to the authors of the bonus chapters that accompany this edition: Brandi Frisby of the University of Kentucky, as well as David DeAndrea of Ohio State Uni- versity and Stephanie Tom Tong of Wayne State University. We also thank Heather Burns for her suggestions on television programs and films.

Our thanks also go to the hardworking team at Cengage Learning who have played a role in this edition from start to finish: Monica Eckman, Michael Lepera, Jessica Badiner, Colin Solan, Kara Kindstrom, Justin Lacap, and Ben Rivera. In addition, we are grateful to the publishing professionals who helped with this edition: Christopher Black, Jennifer Bonnar, Eric Zeiter, Aaron Kantor, Steven Summerlight, Lucy Campos, and Rita Dienst. We are especially indebted to Janet Alleyn for designing the handsome book you are reading, and to Sherri Adler for selecting the photos that help make it unique.

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About the Authors Since this is a book about interpersonal communication, it seems appropriate for us to introduce ourselves to you, the reader. The “we” you’ll be reading throughout this book isn’t just an editorial device: It refers to two real people—Ron Adler and Russ Proctor.

lives in Santa Barbara, California, with his wife, Sherri, an artist and photo researcher who selected most of the images in this book. Their three adult children were infants when early editions of Looking Out/Looking In were conceived, and they grew up as guinea pigs for the field testing of many concepts in this book. If you asked them, they would vouch for the value of the information between these covers.

Ron spends most of his professional time writing about communication. In addition to helping create Looking Out/Looking In, he has contributed to six other books about topics including business communication, public speaking, small group communication, asser- tiveness, and social skills. Besides writing and teaching, Ron teaches college courses and helps professional and business people improve their communication on the job. Cycling and hiking help keep Ron physically and emotionally healthy.

is a professor at Northern Kentucky University, where his sons R. P. and Randy both attended. Russ’s wife, Pam, is an educator too, training teachers, students, and businesses to use energy more efficiently.

Russ met Ron at a communication conference in 1990, where they quickly discovered a shared interest in using feature films as a teaching tool. They have written and spoken extensively on this topic over the years, and they have also co-authored several textbooks and articles. When Russ isn’t teaching, writing, or presenting, his hobbies include sports (especially baseball), classic rock music (especially Steely Dan), and cooking (especially for family and friends on his birthday each year).

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N EA First Look at Interpersonal Communication

Here are the topics discussed in this chapter:

Why We Communicate Physical Needs Identity Needs Social Needs Practical Goals

The Process of Communication A Linear View A Transactional View Interpersonal and Impersonal Communication

Communication Principles and Misconceptions Communication Principles Communication Misconceptions

Social Media and Interpersonal Communication Benefits of Social Media Challenges of Social Media

What Makes an Effective Communicator? Communication Competence Defined Characteristics of Competent Communicators Competence in Intercultural Communication Competence in Social Media

Summary Key Terms Online Resources Search Terms Film and Television

After studying the topics in this chapter, you should be able to:

1. Assess the needs (physical, identity, social, and practical) that communicators are attempting to satisfy in a given situation or relationship.

2. Apply the transactional communication model to a specific situation.

3. Describe how the communication principles and misconceptions identified in this chap- ter are evident in a specific situation.

4. Describe the degree to which communica- tion (in a specific instance or a relationship) is qualitatively impersonal or interpersonal, and describe the consequences of this level of interaction.

5. Diagnose the effectiveness of various com- munication channels in a specific situation.

6. Determine the level of communication competence in a specific instance or a relationship.

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E erhaps you played this game as a child. The group of children chooses a victim— either as punishment for committing a real or imagined offense or just for “fun.”

Then for a period of time, that victim is given the silent treatment. No one speaks to him or her, and no one responds to anything the victim says or does.

If you were the subject of this silent treatment, you probably experienced a range of emotions. At first you might have felt—or at least acted—indifferent. But after a while

the strain of being treated as a nonperson probably began to grow. If the game went on long enough, it’s likely you found yourself either retreating into a state of depression or lashing out with hostility— partly to show your anger and partly to get a response from the others.

Adults, as well as children, have used the silent treatment in vir- tually every society throughout history as a powerful tool to express displeasure and for social control.1 We all know intuitively that communication—the company of others—is one of the most basic human needs, and that lack of contact is among the cruelest punish- ments a person can suffer.

Besides being emotionally painful, being deprived of compan- ionship is so serious that it can affect life itself. Fredrick II, emperor of Germany from 1196 to 1250, may have been the first person to prove the point systematically. A medieval historian described one of his significant, if inhumane, experiments:

He bade foster mothers and nurses to suckle the children, to bathe and wash them, but in no way to prattle with them, for he wanted to learn whether they would speak the Hebrew language, which was the oldest, or Greek, or Latin, or Arabic, or perhaps the language of their parents, of whom they had been born. But he labored in vain because all the children died. For they could not live without the petting and joyful faces and loving words of their foster mothers.*

Fortunately, contemporary researchers have found less barbaric ways to illustrate the importance of communication. In one study of isolation, subjects were paid to remain alone in a locked room. Of the five subjects, one lasted for eight days. Three held out for two days, one commenting, “Never again.” The fifth subject lasted only two hours.2

The need for contact and companionship is just as strong outside the labora- tory, as individuals who have led solitary lives by choice or necessity have discovered. W. Carl Jackson, an adventurer who sailed across the Atlantic Ocean alone in fifty-one days, summarized the feelings common to most loners:

I found the loneliness of the second month almost excruciating. I always thought of myself as self-sufficient, but I found life without people had no meaning. I had a definite need for somebody to talk to, someone real, alive, and breathing.†

Why We Communicate You might object to stories like this, claiming that solitude would be a welcome relief from the irritations of everyday life. It’s true that all of us need solitude, often more than we get, but each of us has a point beyond which we do not want to be alone. Beyond this point, solitude changes from a pleasurable to a painful condition. In other words, we all need relationships. We all need to communicate. *Ross, J. B., & McLaughlin, M. M. (Eds.). (1949). A portable medieval reader. New York, NY: Viking. †Jackson, W. C. (1978, September 7). Lonely dean finishes “excruciating” voyage. Wisconsin State Journal. Retrieved from http://newspaperarchive.com/wisconsin-state-journal/1978-09-07/page-2/. Reprinted with permission.

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PHYSICAL NEEDS Communication is so important that its presence or absence affects physical health. In extreme cases, communication can even become a matter of life or death. When he was a Navy pilot, U.S. Senator John McCain was shot down over North Vietnam and held as a prisoner of war for six years, often in solitary confinement. He and his fellow POWs set up clandestine codes in which they sent messages by tapping on walls to laboriously spell out words. McCain describes the importance of keeping contact and the risks that inmates would take to maintain contact with one another:

The punishment for communicating could be severe, and a few POWs, having been caught and beaten for their efforts, had their spirits broken as their bodies were battered. Terri- fied of a return trip to the punishment room, they would lie still in their cells when their comrades tried to tap them up on the wall. Very few would remain uncommunicative for long. To suffer all this alone was less tolerable than torture. Withdrawing in silence from the fellowship of other Americans . . . was to us the approach of death.*

Other prisoners have also described the punishing effects of social isolation. Reflecting on his seven years as a hostage in Lebanon, former news correspondent Terry Anderson said flatly, “I would rather have had the worst companion than no companion at all.”3

The link between communication and physical well-being isn’t restricted to pris- oners. Medical researchers have identified a wide range of health threats that can result from a lack of close relationships. For instance:

A meta-analysis of nearly 150 studies and over 300,000 participants found that socially connected people—those with strong networks of family and friends—live an average of 3.7 years longer than those who are socially isolated.4

A lack of social relationships jeopardizes coronary health to a degree that rivals ciga- rette smoking, high blood pressure, blood lipids, obesity, and lack of physical activity.5

Socially isolated people are four times more susceptible to the common cold than are those who have active social networks.6

Divorced, separated, and widowed people are five to ten times more likely to need mental hospitalization than their married counterparts. Happily married people also have lower incidences of pneumonia, surgery, and cancer than do single peo- ple.7 (It’s important to note that the quality of the relationship is more important than the institution of marriage in these studies.)

By contrast, a life that includes positive relationships created through communi- cation leads to better health. As little as ten minutes per day of socializing improves memory and boosts intellectual function.8 Conversation with others reduces feelings of loneliness and its accompanying maladies.9 Stress hormones decline the more often people hear expressions of affection from loved ones.10

Research like this demonstrates the importance of having satisfying personal rela- tionships. Not everyone needs the same amount of contact, and the quality of commu- nication is almost certainly as significant as the quantity. The key point is that personal communication is essential for our well-being.

IDENTITY NEEDS Communication does more than enable us to survive. It is the way—indeed, the only way—we learn who we are. As Chapter 2 explains, our sense of identity comes from the way we interact with other people. Are we smart or stupid, attractive or ugly, skill- ful or inept? The answers to these questions don’t come from looking in the mirror. We decide who we are based on how others react to us. *McCain, J. (1999). Faith of my fathers (p. 212). New York, NY: Random House.

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E Deprived of communication with others, we would have no sense of ourselves. A dramatic example is the “Wild Boy of Aveyron,” who spent his early childhood without any apparent human contact. The boy was discovered in January 1800 digging for vegetables in a French village garden. He showed no behaviors that one would expect in a social human. The boy could not speak but rather uttered only weird cries. More significant than this lack of social skills was his lack of any identity as a human being. As author Roger Shattuck put it, “The boy had no human sense of being in the world. He had no sense of himself as a person related to other persons.”11

Only with the influence of a loving “mother” did the boy begin to behave—and, we can imagine, think of himself—as a human.

Like the boy of Aveyron, each of us enters the world with little or no sense of identity. We gain an idea of who we are from the way others define us. As Chapter 2 explains, the messages we receive in early childhood are the strongest, but the influ- ence of others continues throughout life.

SOCIAL NEEDS Besides helping to define who we are, communication provides a vital link with oth- ers. Researchers and theorists have identified a whole range of social needs that we satisfy by communicating. These include pleasure, affection, companionship, escape, relaxation, and control.12

Research suggests a strong link between effective interpersonal communication and happiness. In one study of more than 200 college students, the happiest 10 per- cent described themselves as having a rich social life. (The very happy people were no different from their classmates in any other measurable way such as amount of sleep, exercise, TV watching, religious activity, or alcohol consumption.)13 In another study, women reported that “socializing” contributed more to a satisfying life than virtually any other activity, including relaxing, shopping, eating, exercise, TV, or prayer.14 Mar- ried couples who are effective communicators report happier relationships than less skillful husbands and wives—a finding that has been supported across cultures.15

Despite knowing that communication is vital to social satisfaction, a variety of evidence suggests that many people aren’t very successful at managing their inter- personal relationships. For example, one study revealed that one-quarter of the more than 4,000 adults surveyed knew more about their dogs than they did about their neighbors’ backgrounds.16 Research also suggests that the number of friendships is in decline. One widely recognized survey reported that, in 1985, Americans had an average of 2.94 close friends. Twenty years later, that number had dropped to 2.08.17 It’s worth noting that educated Americans reported having larger and more diverse networks. In other words, a higher education can enhance your relational life as well as your intellect.

Because connections with others are so vital, some theorists maintain that positive relationships may be the single most important source of life satisfaction and emotional

In the film Up in the Air, Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) learns the hard way that life without friendship, family, and love is void of meaning. (See the film summary at the end of this chapter.)

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