Non judgemental in social work

COMMON ASSIGNMENT

This assignment will require students to demonstrate their ability to practice from a nonjudgmental stance with individuals, families, groups, and communities in addressing both personal and professional boundaries. Required reading for this assignment is Chapter 5 in the Social Work Skills Workbook (Cournoyer, 8th edition).

1. Answer 3 questions based on the required reading and the scenario below related to practicing from a non-judgmental approach. (3 pages)

Imagine that you serve as a supervisor in a nonsectarian social services agency that provides social and counseling services to families and children of all kinds and compositions. One of the professionals you supervise is a relatively young social worker who has worked in the agency for just a few weeks. During one of your early supervisory meetings, you begin to discuss a case that you plan to assign to her. The case involves a lesbian couple who recently migrated to your community. They want professional help to accomplish two goals: First, they want to get married. They want to know if gay marriage is legal in this state and, if it is not, how and where they can go to become legally married couple. Second, they hope to have a child – preferably through artificial insemination or,

if that fails, through adoption. They would like help in discussing these issues and making plans to accomplish these goals. As you describe the case, the young social worker says, “I’m sorry, I am a religious person who believes that homosexuality is a sin and gay marriage is simply wrong.”

Questions:

As the young social worker’s supervisor,

a) What would you identify as the ethical issues in this situation?

b) What would you advise her to consider?

c) What would you suggest that she do?

For parts 2) and 4), please incorporate other relevant, outside readings to the responses.

2. Provide a critique on the Common Assignment conversation. (CONVERSTION IS ATTACHED)

the demonstration of skills (or lack of skills) of practicing from a non-judgmental

approach. (3-4 pages)

a) Critique the beginning of the session on how the social worker began the session.

b) Critique how the social worker handled the discussion of confidentiality.

c) Find five places in the video where the social worker is not practicing from a nonjudgmental

approach.

So what brings you in here today?

Well, I guess I just wanted to see what-- because I'm not totally ready to do anything. I just wanted to know what sort ofhelp you could give me, or your group can-- you know what I mean? Can do for me.

Yeah. Well, you came to the right place. This is a safe space for you to talk. Why don't you just tell me a little bit aboutmaybe what's been going on with you? How's your home life? What don't you just give me a little picture of what broughtyou in here?

Well, I'm married, obviously. And I have two kids. Where does all of this-- where-- I know, obviously, you have to take notes.

This is all confidential. This just keeps for my records so that when you come in, I know where to pick up from where weleft off. So I'm not going to do anything with this.

So it's not anything registered anywhere, or like--

No, absolutely not. We have doctor-patient confidentiality, so you don't have to worry about that.

So if I say something that-- so what does that-- so if I say something that someone did that was not legal?

OK.

Do you have to report-- what is your--

The only thing I would have to report is if you tell me you're going to harm yourself or harm someone else. So anythinganyone else has done is between you and me, and we will come up with a plan how to address it.

OK. So this doesn't even go to your supervisor or anything.

No, you are safe here.

OK. OK. It's just weird, I haven't really told too many people this. So sometimes my-- I guess I just wanted to see-- I don'teven remember the question, or what's going on. OK.

Tell me about your kids. How old are they?

So my son, Chase, is 13. And my daughter Lily is 9.

And do you have a good relationship with both of them?

I think I used to have a really good relationship with them. Lily, I still think it's pretty good. She's just a lot more-- she'sgotten a lot quieter. But I still feel like-- especially when we're just the two of us doing more like girl time, I still feel close to her.

It's not like I don't feel close to my son, but the past year or two-- and I don't know if it's puberty, or it's just everything that'sgoing on. He's just becoming a lot harder to handle. And--

Do you think that you can tell if there was like a certain time it started? Were there certain signs, maybe a pattern thatstarted that started to seem off to you?

He just sort of-- but I can't-- I wasn't-- I was telling myself for a while he was going through a phase, or he was acting outwhere he just-- or he wanted attention or something. He just-- certain things that I see that his father does, which is just--he has a really hard time when things don't go his way immediately, it's like it's the end of the world. Everybody's againsthim. Everybody else has done something wrong for him. He doesn't see how any of it is his fault.

He's starting to get a little bit more into trouble with school, fights in school. He doesn't seem to listen to me. I have to tellhim 800 times to do something, just like his dad--

This is all pretty new?

I'd say it's the past maybe two-ish years.

OK.

That's why I'm like-- is this-- I don't know if this is hormone change. I'm sure I'm kidding myself if I say it's not related to myrelationship with his dad. But I don't know.

So you said you're married. Are you married to their dad?

Yes.

So tell me a little bit about your husband, and your relationship with him.

I don't think he's a bad person. He's had a really bad childhood himself. And I knew that. And at first, I thought he had littleflashes of-- things were-- he would get angry about stuff, or he'd seem overly upset about certain things. But I just thoughtit was one of those things, and generally speaking, given everything he'd been through, he was in a really good place orwhatever.

But it just seems that, for a while now-- and it kind of grad-- I can't even-- I don't even know when it started, or if it wasalways there and I just didn't see it, or what. But he just seems to-- he's always had drinking off and on. But now, I guessjust he's more stressed. Over the past couple of years, he's gotten more stressed, so he's been drinking more, and he justseems a lot more volatile.

And some days, he's great. Or sometimes, in the morning, he's great. And then he'll just get-- little things will set him off,and he'll just get really upset.

So you guys fight a lot?

Yeah. I try to not fight as much as possible. And I'll go-- it'll seem like things are going a little bit better with him. He'll seema little more normal, for a lack of a better word.

And so I'll try to-- I guess I'll try to seize the opportunity to bring up some stuff that he's done that's been not that helpful.Hasn't been helping that much with the kids, or he hasn't-- I'm trying to teach them to be responsible, and he's--

Is he receptive?

Sometimes he can be a little bit, and it's a little bit better. And then I don't know whether I just push too hard, or he's havinga bad day, and then I'll say something that was fine yesterday, but then today, it's not fine. And it's like the end of the world.

So you feel like he's unpredictable, right?

Right.

OK.

Right. Right.

And has he ever gotten physical with you?

A little bit.

Do you want to tell me about that?

It's gotten worse over the past couple years, I guess. The first couple times, it was like I wasn't even-- it was just-- again,something where I told him something that I thought was-- I was a little bit-- I was. I was a little bit annoyed, and maybe Iwas more annoyed than I should have been, or I came off and I was yelling because I was having a bad day. Whatever.And he just reacted, and it would be just kind of like a push.

Like he was-- he's constantly-- it's this constant battle with him and his smoking, and so I was just like, can you stick-- canyou-- like you're-- it's like the window's here, and he's smoking like this. And I'm like, can you just go out the window?

And it was just-- I guess I was too close to him or whatever, and he just kind of pushed me, I guess. And then I don't know.It was like I didn't say anything enough that one time, and it was like it gave him permission, or something, to do--

So when you guys do fight, and a line that gets crossed, and he gets physical, what do you do then?

I don't really fight back, because I just-- I know he's a lot bigger than me.

Feel helpless? And has any of this ever happened while your kids were present?

Yeah.

Frequently, or just a couple times?

I don't know that I would say frequently, but it's more than a couple times too.

OK. So don't you think that it probably has something to do with your son, and maybe your daughter as well?

Probably.

Yeah?

I mean, I'm sure. I don't want to think that, but I do think that. I don't know. I just feel really guilty about it.

So would you say that, overall, your relationship with your husband is good enough for you to stay with him?

I really wanted it to work because there are really a lot of good things about him. And I believe that the man I love is still in there somewhere. And he's my kids' father. And I know he loves them. I know he does.

Even though he's like-- whatever issues he has, he just can't get out of his own way, or whatever. And I feel really bad forhim, because I know he doesn't want to be this person. And I just-- but I guess I'm just--

So you blame yourself a little bit?

Yeah. I know it's his fault too, but I feel like he just-- and that's the thing. I didn't-- I had a good childhood. I don't even knowhow I got here.

I don't even understand how I got here. I guess I feel like maybe I should be able to figure it out. And I keep trying to figureit out, like, how do I fix this?

And I guess it really has gotten-- I guess now, I feel like he's been getting worse and not better. And I'm starting to getmore worried about my daughter too. I know being withdrawn is bad, but at least she still listens to me, and she's stillyounger. And I don't know, I guess I'm more worried about--

About your children?

I'm worried about my son turning into his dad.

It can be really hard sometimes when you love someone and you know that there is love there for you as well, tounderstand that sometimes love is not everything. And I can see very clearly how much you love him and love yourchildren. And I believe that he does love you and the children.

But sometimes, you have to understand that these situations happen. They're not your fault. And sometimes, you have tojust take off and do what's right for you and your children. And if this is not working for you guys, maybe you should justleave him and get away from the situation.

I don't-- I feel-- like, I don't-- I just don't want to feel like I'm pressured into-- you know what I mean? I feel like I'm alreadypressured way too much from him, and even work stuff, and the kid. I just don't want to-- I don't know that I'm fully readyto--

That's OK. We're just here to talk.

OK.

So tell me about your own life. Do you work? What do you do day to day?

I have a part-time job. I work from home, so I can also-- because my husband works full-time. And he actually works really,sort of like, sometimes really long hours, and schedule can be a little erratic. So I'm a homemaker, but I also have a part-time job for [INAUDIBLE].

So--

So I don't-- most of my-- I don't go to-- I talk to people on the phone. There's people that I interact with, but I don't go to anoffice, really. There's no office.

And do you have friends that you see during the week? What do you do on the weekends? You spend it mostly with yourkids?

Yeah. The weekends are really-- I mean, sometimes-- because sometimes, my husband has to work during the weekends.Because he also does his own-- he works in construction, so he also has his-- he has a employer that he works for, but healso has a side business. And so sometimes he has to work, a lot of times, on the weekends.

And so because he works a lot, I really try to-- and he's very weird about me spending time with other people when I couldbe spending time with him. And then my kids need someone to be around for them, and take them places. And so I dohave one or two friends that I try to see occasionally.

OK. And do you wish that you got to see them more, or are you fine with how it is?

I guess it's hard, because a lot of them-- I used to see a lot more people a lot more often. Sometimes it can be harddepending upon the week, because a lot of them don't really know what's going on. So I feel like I have to pretend whenI'm around them, which is work, you know what I mean? And it's like--

Why don't you feel like you can be honest with them?

I guess I'm really stressed out about him finding out. I feel like they wouldn't understand, really.

Well, don't you think, if they are friends, that they'd want to help you and protect you against him?

Part of it, I don't really want them involved just in case-- I can't-- I feel like I used to know what his lines were. But then hecrossed them a while ago, and they keep changing, and I'm just getting a little bit more and more concerned about him. Idon't know what he'll do, and I'd rather them not know. And then just, for some of them, even the ones-- some of it is just--I don't know. It feels like that's a lot to put on certain people that I don't know as well. You know what I mean?

So don't you have any family that could help you as well? Someone that you could trust more than a friend?

I don't really want to get my parents involved, because they're older. And I'm just worried what that would do for them,really. I mean, I told my mom--

Well, you said you had a good childhood, so I'm sure they'd want to help you.

I'm sure they would, but they have health problems. They don't live around here. I don't know what they could do. And Idon't have siblings. And so-- I have cousins, but then I don't know them well enough. I don't know.

Mm-hm. So I just want you to know that you're not the first person who's come in here with problems like this. You mightfeel alone, but you're not alone. This is something that happens to a lot of people like yourself. Good people who havechildren that they love, and are married to people that they love.

Like I said, sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes, like you said, he didn't have a good childhood. Sometimes peoplegrow up. There's unresolved pain. And to get rid of that pain, they inflict pain on other people.

Now, what I would do, if I were in your position, I would come up with a plan. I would start thinking of people you couldlean on that maybe you could start to feel comfortable opening up to. Maybe they could take you in. Maybe you could getsome steps towards getting away from the drama.

And I'm not saying that you should get a divorce or anything. I think that you love him. And maybe there is a way for this tobe resolved.

But it sounds like right now, there is a lot of lines. It's almost like there's bombs that go off, and you don't know whereexactly they are. Maybe it could just take a little bit of space between you and him. And it seems that your children mightneed this space too. What do you think about all that?

I don't-- that's a lot. Like I said, I'm definitely not ready to do anything permanent. But I feel like-- I already feel bad enoughabout what I'm doing with-- if this whole situation, what it's doing to the kids.

The idea of imposing all of-- just telling somebody, hey, I need you to take me in. I can't-- I came here because I feel like Ican't do that. I was hoping you could tell me something I could do that wasn't that.

Because that's like, if he finds out, and he freaks out, and he goes there, and now I've put them in danger, I can't handlethat. That's like an extra level of-- I don't need to feel guilty about putting somebody else in the line of fire. Do you knowwhat I'm saying? I got myself into this mess. I don't know.

The thought of just packing up and going-- and some of-- I guess, if it really came down to, I don't even know, I think he'sgoing to like blow up the house or something, or whatever, if I had to, I'm sure, although it would be an extremely-- I don'tknow want to think about the conversation I'd have with my parents. But you're right in that I guess they do-- I do have agood-- I know that they love me, and I know if I rolled up there with the kids, they would take me in.

But they don't live here. I'd have to get the money to get there. I don't have the money. I don't know how I would do that,so.

So do you think there's a way that you could start saving up your escape fund without him finding out so that worse-- pushcomes to shove, worst comes to worst, you could do that? Just so you feel like you have some escape route, if you need it.

I guess, but that would take-- I make $9 an hour. And some weeks, I'm fighting for the 15 hours a week, just becausethere's not as much-- that's a whole other drama with that job. But it would take a long-- I guess, but that would be hard. Ijust don't make enough money.

Could you pick up another job in the hours that you don't work?

I don't know how. I'm also supposed to be-- first of all, I can't tip him off. If I did that, he'd be like, what are you doing? Whyare you doing-- I wouldn't be able to do all these-- then I'm not sleeping.

I don't know-- I don't-- I don't even-- I don't know-- I don't-- I don't know-- I don't know how I would do that. I don't knowhow I would do that without him finding out. I don't-- because he'd be like, where are you? Why do you have another job?Why do you need more money?

And then he'd start thinking I'm-- I don't even know. He gets really weird about-- I swear, I just basically had to stop havingmale friends, because every time I went to lunch with someone that he's known that I've known for like a million years,he'd be like, why did you see so-and-so? And didn't you just see him a month ago? And blah blah. He would just startthinking I'm saving up money because I have like a secret boyfriend or some-- I don't know. I don't--

So let me ask you something. I understand that you feel very stuck, and that you are more or less afraid to take any sort ofaction that might tip him off or make it worse. In your opinion, if things continue as they are, what is the outcome a yearfrom now, a few years from now? What's the outcome for you? What's the outcome for your children?

I'm sorry, ask that one more time. I'm sorry.

So when you came in here, you said you weren't sure what to do. We've explored a few options. It seems like everything isa little too much right now.

You're afraid to take any action that might tip him off, might make him more mad. You don't want to do anything permanent.So barring any other options, if things were to continue as they are, as they've been, as they are to bring you in here, whatdo you see the outcome being a year from now for you and for your kids?

Well, I guess I was hoping that there were some-- I know I got all, like, whatever, but that's just because-- I was hoping thatthere was something that-- and I don't know what that would be, but that there would be something that could be done.Because I guess the reason I'm here is because I am worried about what another year is going to look like with-- because Ijust don't know what he's doing, and I'm really worried that my son is going to get more-- is just going to get in troublemore. My daughter's going to get even more withdrawn. And it seems so hard to do anything, or to think straight. It's likeI'm so-- I'm sorry I got mad or whatever, but it's just--

Don't apologize.

It's so hard just to get through the day. The thought of having to do even more. I feel like any time anything goes even alittle bit wrong, it's like I'm operating at maximum capacity. And any time anything else goes a little bit awry, it's like I justcan't deal with it.

So I know that another year-- I'm just worried that in another year of this, I'm just going to have a nervous breakdown, andmy kids are going to be past the p-- they're going to be past the point where anything can help them. So I know-- my brainknows that continuing like this can't be good for the three of us, but I just don't know what to do.

Well, Tanya, you've told me a lot today. I'm glad that you came in here, because it's very clear that you can't do this on yourown anymore. And I'm here to help. So I would like for you to come in next week. Can you come in at the same time? Wecan explore this a little further.

I think I can. This is a good time, actually.

Perfect. And I just want to reassure you, this stays between us. No one here and no one at your house will find out about itunless you want them to.

No, I do not want anybody to know.

All right. So you're safe with me.