Smarthinking writer's handbook

Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form

(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)

HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!

*Strengths of the essay: Hi, Carolyn! My name is Allison H, and we’ll be working together today. Let’s begin! Many readers should appreciate the clear, effective way that you can explain the cause-and-effect process of flooding, as in this section: “Global warming heats water from oceans and seas. It helps the water to evaporate faster. When a big amount of water vapor is in the atmosphere, it forms storms that causes flood on land. When the temperature of the earth increases, ice from the north and south-pole would melt and it will cause the rising of the sea levels. If the seas levels rise, seas will overflow and it will cause flood on coastal areas.” By providing a step-by-step explanation of this cause-and-effect process, you help readers to easily follow, understand, and appreciate your writing. This should make them want to continue reading, so good job on that!

*Carolyn 7584729 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis: When writing a thesis for a cause-and-effect essay, Carolyn, remember that it’s useful to state your main point and purpose for discussing the causes or effects of the process or whatever you are discussing. Doing so can help readers prepare to evaluate and appreciate your entire paper more easily. For example:

Children who earn their allowance by performing chores will develop more confidence in their abilities and spend their money more wisely since they had to work for it, and this prepares them to enter the job market and be successful, so every child should have some chores and responsibilities as they grow up.

Just by reading that sentence, readers would understand that I’d explain how earning their allowance would cause children to have more confidence and to spend their money better. They’d also expect me to explain why this means that every child should have some chores to do; therefore, my thesis states both the cause and its effects clearly and declaratively for readers. Right now, your thesis isn’t as clear as it could be: