Summary and critical response

Esra Alhabib

Dear Esra,

You’ve clearly got the basics of the summary and response down, and I very much appreciate your thoughts on “Working at McDonald's”! Please see the rubric and my notes below to understand your grade on the Summary & Critical Response Essay:

Purpose & Focus: 13/15

Organization & Transitions: 4/5

Tone & Editing: 4/5

Overall Grade: 21/25

To understand the numerical scoring of this paper and areas for potential improvement, please consult the areas marked with an X in the following grading chart:

Summary

x

Your summary is working well.

The first sentence of the summary doesn’t quite convey the “heart” of Etzioni’s argument, giving your readers a clear statement of his overall thesis (or point).

As the summary should be between a minimum of 150 words and a maximum of 200 words, more work on conciseness would be helpful in this section. (This is the only section of any paper with a strict maximum length.)

x

At this point, there are one or more missing attributive tags in the summary. Remember: every sentence in the summary should include an attributive tag, such as Etzioni suggests, Etzioni argues, etc.

The summary seems to allude to some of your own opinions about the article and/or the issue at hand. Please keep in mind that the summary should convey Etzioni’s points in an objective, unbiased manner.

The summary is too short and would benefit from further development. Remember: the summary should be between a minimum of 150 words and a maximum of 200 words.

The summary misrepresents one or more of Etzioni’s points.

x

The summary would benefit from more attention to effective transitions between points and/or varying attributive tags.

Critical Response

x

Your critical response is working well,.

x

Your critical response (or some portions of it) seems more like a strong response, focused on your opinions about the issue itself, rather than a critical analysis of the article. Throughout the critical response, your points could be a bit more clearly focused on responding to Etzioni’s particular points/techniques at the writerly level. How did his specific approaches work or not work? Why? In other words, more assessment of Etzioni’s particular techniques (discussion of how/why what he did was—or was not—successful) would have been helpful.

x

Some portions of your critical response seem too devoted to summary.

The critical response misrepresents one or more of Etzioni’s points. Specifically, Etzioni is arguing that while minorities and teens from lower economic classes are more often encouraged to seek fast food employment, it can be even worse for them, as it exploits these teens and may prevent them from pursuing the education they need to advance professionally and economically.

Context could be considered a bit more carefully in your analysis. For instance, since this piece was originally published in 1986, you may want to reconsider criticizing Etzioni for using sources from the 1980s.

More specific examples would strengthen the critical response.

The critical response section could be more clearly and consistently organized, and you might reconsider how you preview your points for the reader at the beginning of the response and/or the use of paragraph breaks throughout this section.

The critical response is too short and would benefit from further development. Please keep in mind that this section should be at least 400-500 words in length (minimum).

x

A bit more work on organization and/or effective transitions (either within or between paragraphs) would improve the critical response.

Editing Issues to Watch Out for in the Future (All Sections)

X

Misspelled or misused words and/or names

Run-on sentences

Incomplete sentences

Shifting verb tense

Shifting point of view

Awkward, unclear, or repetitive phrasing

Missing words

Capitalization errors

X

Missing/misused commas

Missing/misused apostrophes

Misused colons or semicolons

x

Problems with agreement

Misplaced punctuation in relation to quotation marks

Errors in end punctuation

Spacing errors

In regards to editing issues, you may want to consult the appropriate sections in the grammar handbook at the back of your textbook about these issues as well. (These are the cream-colored pages in the 8th or 9th edition or the blue pages in the 7th edition.) Once you’ve reviewed these sections as well as your paper, feel free to let me know if you have questions about any of these issues.

Other than that, this is good work!

All best wishes,

Mary

THREE NOTES FOR ALL STUDENTS:

1.) When “quoting something,” the commas at the end go inside the quotation marks like this. “And the end punctuation goes inside the quotation marks as well.” When “quoting a ‘quote within a quote,’” use double quotation marks to mark the “entire big quote and ‘little single quotation marks’ for the little quote within a quote.”

2.) The parenthetical citation should always be placed at the end of the sentence, before the end punctuation, even if the “quote comes earlier” in the sentence (234).

3.) After the first full-name reference, be sure to refer to the author by last name only (Etzioni) or by a pronoun (he) or by some other specific reference (the author). In general, you don’t want to use titles such as “Mr.” or the author’s first name “Amitai.” After all, we’re not on a first name basis with Etzioni, and it’s basically just a convention of formal writing to omit titles such as Mr. and Mrs.