Running head: “Globalization of Eating Disorders” 1
“Globalization of Eating Disorders” 5
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Hello, Lisa! I’m Nichole M., a writing tutor. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!
*Writing Strength: Your sources are well organized. Good job, Lisa!
*Lisa 12117790, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis: I saw that information appears to be missing from your analysis essay draft's thesis statement. The final statement of the introduction paragraph says:
· The current health confusion is as a result of western culture.
This is a statement that seems to express a fact, but that information alone may not be enough. It would be difficult to show readers what your paper is about if there is not yet a concrete argument.
This thesis statement could be made stronger by adding a clear argument (your point of view) and supporting points to reinforce your argument. An example is:
· Children tend to do better in school when they have teachers that encourage them, parents that care about their success, and an interest in what they are studying.
The statement contains an argument that expresses an idea with multiple reasons that help reinforce the argument. Following a similar method could benefit your thesis statement.
What is your argument about the topic? Which ideas reinforce your argument? Adding them can help you to provide your audience with a better grasp of the paper's main point. Please see our Writer's Handbook for more tips about Developing a Thesis.
*Lisa 12117790, you requested help with Use of Resources: Lisa, I noticed a few issues with your analysis essay draft. Let's look at a source from your reference page:
· Robertson, M. (September 28, 2015). Orion Magazine
This entry seems to be somewhat bare. It contains an author name, date, and magazine.
A missing article title can make locating the article difficult. Missing important details can also have a negative impact on your credibility. It would make the information more authoritative if more information is added.
If this entry is for an article, what is the title of the article? You can add this information to your entry to help make it more complete.
After revising, please review your other entries to help make them more complete. You can use the APA Style guide to assist you.
Grammar & Mechanics: There is one more issue with your analysis essay draft that we can discuss:
· Anon, the author of “Freewriting” explains to the writer observes how globalization has changed people’ views on their eating habits, as more embrace the Western eating culture.
This sentence appears to use an apostrophe, but a letter is missing. When showing possession, remember to add the letter to show that one noun belongs to another. An example is:
That girl's hat is blue.
Notice that the letter S follows the apostrophe. After revising, please see if there are other issues with punctuation or words in your draft. Our section on Apostrophes can help. Summary of Next Steps:
· Create a clear thesis statement with supporting points.
· Cite all sources fully.
· Add an S to show possession.
Thank you for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! -Nichole M.
You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.
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“Globalization of Eating Disorders”: An Analysis
L. Michelle Shaw
South College
Analysis
Introduction
Eating disorders are complicated health eating habits that affect many people globally. While this was never a problem in many parts of the world in the past, globalization and media penetration around the world has influenced the perceptions of many young minds, causing them to abandon their cultural eating practices to embrace those from the west, which highlight skinniness as being sexy in this modern world. [What punctuation is missing from this sentence?>] There is also the influence of fast food eating that has gradually spread into many countries with the opening of such restaurants. This paper will examine three articles and will demonstrate how unhealthy eating seems to be more Western influenced. The current health confusion is as a result of western culture.
Eating Disorder
Eating disorder is a term that is used to refer to an event where a person’s healthy eating habits change into unhealthy ones. While there are many of these, anorexia is a major disorder caused by voluntary deprived eating, triggered by the fear of becoming overweight. The thought of being chubby becomes an obsession such that it affects the individual’s mentality regarding the matter, to a point where it affects their digestion processes through throwing up consumed meals.
[How does this topic sentence connect to the thesis statement?>] Michelle Robertson is the author of “Orion Magazine.” As a recovered anorexic, she narrates her experience with anorexia and how it affects a person. While many people imagine it to be a simple problem, Robertson helps the reader see how complicated a matter it is, one that takes time before the victim can enjoy full recovery. In her story, this writer’s desire was to stay skinny in order to fit the body images she saw on magazines and movies. By narrating her own story, this author employs ethos to win the readers trust. She applies pathos to influence her struggles and logos where she compares her pitiable life with that of the estivating newts. Through her story, the audience is able to see and feel the struggles of an anorexic person, and to view the disorder as an issue needing professional help.
[What in-text citation is needed for this source?>] Susan Bordo, in her article, “The Globalization of Eating Disorders,” seeks to explain the root of anorexia and other unhealthy eating habits. In her view, globalization has influenced the Western ideology of not only the meaning of sexy, but also unhealthy eating. Together with the media that has penetrated globally, they have brought the idea that skinny is beautiful, and increased fast food restaurant eating in various countries. [How many quotation marks are needed?>] ‘Skinny’ in the West is qualified as good looking. Fast foods qualify as a solution to busy working persons. The former causes anorexia, while has resulted in unhealthy feeding habits, and both these problems highly affect the young generations.
[Is “Freewriting” the title of an article or a book? Additional information could help to clarify.>] Anon, the author of “Freewriting” explains to the writer observes how globalization has changed people’ views on their eating habits, as more embrace the Western eating culture. Together, both authors apply ethos to appeal to their readers. Here, they bring out the real situation on the ground by exposing how the youth are getting affected by the spreading Western culture. While they are not against this lifestyle, they note how it leaves negative impressions on the youth. The idea of staying skinny and eating fast foods instead of fixing healthy meals brings confusion to the idea of the real meaning of what healthy is.
Conclusion
[What is your thesis statement? You could restate it in this paragraph.>] In conclusion, the three articles demonstrate that eating disorders are not a community thing, but rather a mentally impressible one. The Western culture is here to stay. This means that young people around the world will stay bound by this influence, unless a better solution is found.
References
Anon. (2020). Freewriting
Bordo, S. (n.d.). The Globalization of Eating Disorders. pp.1-4 [
Robertson, M. (September 28, 2015). Orion Magazine