The research writer van rys pdf

Visually Speaking

71

The hands in the photo above are shaping a blob of clay into a piece of pottery. How is revising similar to this process? How is it different?

The word revising means “taking another look,” so revising is best done after a brief break. Set aside your writing and return to it later with fresh eyes. Also, enlist the fresh eyes of another reader, whether a roommate, a classmate, or someone at the writing center. Revising is all about getting perspective.

Of course, once you have perspective, you need to figure out how to make improvements. This chapter provides numerous strategies for focusing on the global traits of your writing— ideas, organization, and voice. The changes you make should improve the work significantly, perhaps even reshaping it.

Revising5 Learning Outcomes ▶ Think about your overall

approach.

▶ Think about the global traits. ▶ Revise for ideas and

organization.

▶ Revise for voice and style. ▶ Address paragraph issues. ▶ Revise collaboratively. ▶ Use the writing center.

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The Writing Process72

 Consider Whole-Paper Issues When revising, first look at the big picture. Take it all in. Determine whether the content is interesting, informative, and worth sharing. Note any gaps or soft spots in your line of thinking. Ask yourself how you can improve what you have done so far. The information that follows will help you address whole-paper issues such as these.

Revisit the rhetorical situation. Just as the rhetorical situation helped you to set your direction in writing, it can help you make course corrections. Think about each part of the rhetorical situation.

Consider your role. How are you coming across in this draft? Do you sound authoritative, engaged, knowledgeable, confident? How do you want to come across?

Think about your subject. Have you stated a clear focus? Have you supported it with a variety of details? Have you explored the subject fully?

Remember your purpose. Are you trying to analyze, describe, explain, propose? Does the writing succeed? Do the ideas promote your purpose? Does your organization support the purpose? Is your writing voice helpful in achieving your purpose?

Check the form. Have you created writing that matches the form that your instructor requested? Have you taken best advantage of the form, including graphics or other media, if appropriate?

Consider your audience. Have you captured their attention and interest? Have you provided them the information they need to understand your writing? Have you considered their values, needs, and opinions, and used them to connect?

Think about the context. Is this piece of writing the correct length and level of seriousness for the assignment? Is it on schedule? How does it match up to what others are doing?

Writing with Sources: Make sure that your sources work well for each part of the rhetorical situation. Choose sources that

■ reflect well on you, showing that you understand and care about the topic.

■ illuminate the subject with accurate, precise, substantial information.

■ help you achieve your purpose, whether to inform, persuade, or reflect.

■ work well within the form and can be appropriately credited.

■ are seen as authoritative by the audience.

■ are timely and credible in the context.

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Chapter 5 Revising 73

Consider your overall approach. Sometimes it’s better to start fresh if your writing contains stretches of uninspired ideas. Consider a fresh start if your first draft shows one of these problems:

The topic is worn-out. An essay titled “Lead Poisoning” may not sound very interesting. Unless you can approach it with a new twist (“Get the Lead Out!”), consider cutting your losses and finding a fresh topic.

The approach is stale. If you’ve been writing primarily to get a good grade, finish the assignment, or sound cool, start again. Try writing to learn something, prompt real thinking in readers, or touch a chord.

Your voice is predictable or fake. Avoid the bland “A good time was had by all” or the phony academic “When one studies this significant problem in considerable depth . . . ” Be real. Be honest.

The draft sounds boring. Maybe it’s boring because you pay an equal amount of attention to everything and hence stress nothing. Try condensing less important material and expanding what’s important.

The essay is formulaic. In other words, it follows the “five-paragraph” format. This handy organizing frame may prevent you from doing justice to your topic and thinking. If your draft is dragged down by rigid adherence to a formula, try a more original approach.

Writing with Sources: Test the balance of reasoning and sources. Make sure your draft is not thin on source material, but also make sure that the source material does not dominate the conversation. Use these tips for balancing reasoning and sources:

1. Before diving into source material within a paragraph or section of your paper, f lesh out your thinking more fully. Offer reasoning that elaborates the claim and effectively leads into the evidence.

2. As you present evidence from source material, build on it by explaining what it means. Evidence doesn’t typically speak for itself: through analysis, synthesis, illustration, contrast, and other means, you need to show how or why your sources advance your thesis.

3. After you have presented evidence that elaborates on and supports your idea, extend your thoughts by addressing the reader’s “So what?” or “Why does this matter?” skepticism.

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The Writing Process74

 Revising Your First Draft Revising helps you turn your first draft into a more complete, thoughtful piece of writing. The following information will help you do that.

Prepare to revise. Once you’ve finished a first draft, set it aside (ideally for a few days) until you can look at the draft objectively and make needed changes. If you drafted on paper, photocopy the draft. If you drafted on a computer, print your paper (double-spaced). Then make changes with a good pencil or colored pen. If you prefer revising on the computer, consider using your software editing program. In all cases, save your first draft for reference.

Think globally. When revising, focus on the big picture—the overall strength of the ideas, organization, and voice.

Ideas: Check your thesis, focus, or theme. Has your thinking on your topic changed? Also think about your readers’ most pressing questions concerning this topic. Have you answered these questions? Finally, consider your reasoning and support. Are both complete and sound?

Organization: Check the overall design of your writing, making sure that ideas move smoothly and logically from one point to the next. Does your essay build effectively? Do you shift directions cleanly? Fix structural problems in one of these ways:

■ Reorder material to improve the sequence.

■ Cut information that doesn’t support the thesis.

■ Add details where the draft is thin.

■ Rewrite parts that seem unclear.

■ Improve links between points by using transitions.

Voice: Voice is your personal presence on the page, the tone and attitude that others hear when reading your work. In other words, voice is the between-the-lines message your readers get (whether you want them to or not). When revising, make sure that the tone of your message matches your purpose, whether it is serious, playful, or satiric.

InSIght: Don’t pay undue attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation at this early stage in the process. Otherwise, you may become distracted from the task at hand: improving the content of your writing. Editing and proofreading come later.

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Chapter 5 Revising 75

 Revising for Ideas and Organization As you review your draft for content, make sure the ideas are fully developed and the organization is clear. From your main claim or thesis to your reasoning and your evidence, strengthen your thinking and sequencing.

Examine your ideas. Review the ideas in your writing, making sure that each point is logical, complete, and clear. To test the logic in your writing, see pages 257–260.

 Complete Thinking

Have you answered readers’ basic questions? Have you supported the thesis? The original passage below is too general; the revision is clearly more complete.

Original Passage (Too general)

As soon as you receive a minor cut, the body’s healing process begins to work. Blood from tiny vessels fills the wound and begins to clot. In less than 24 hours, a scab forms.

Revised Version (More specific)

As soon as you receive a minor cut, the body’s healing process begins to work. In a simple wound, the first and second layers of skin are severed along with tiny blood vessels called capillaries. As these vessels bleed into the wound, minute structures called platelets help stop the bleeding by sticking to the edges of the cut and to one another, forming a plug. The platelets then release chemicals that react with certain proteins in the blood to form a clot. The blood clot, with its fiber network, begins to join the edges of the wound together. As the clot dries out, a scab forms, usually in less than 24 hours.

 Clear Thesis

Make sure that your writing centers on one main issue or thesis. Although this next original passage lacks a thesis, the revision has a clear one.

Original Passage (Lacks a thesis)

Teen magazines are popular with young girls. These magazines contain a lot of how-to articles about self-image, fashion, and boy-girl relationships. Girls read them to get advice on how to act and how to look. Girls who don’t really know what they want are the most eager readers.

Revised Version (Identifies a specific thesis statement)

Adolescent girls often see teen magazines as handbooks on how to be teenagers. These magazines influence the ways they act and the ways they look. For girls who are unsure of themselves, these magazines can exert an enormous amount of influence. Unfortunately, the advice these magazines give about self-image, fashion, and boys may do more harm than good.

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The Writing Process76

Examine your organization. Good writing has structure. It leads readers logically and clearly from one point to the next. When revising for organization, consider four areas: the overall plan, the opening, the flow of ideas, and the closing.

 Overall Plan

Look closely at the sequence of ideas or events that you share. Does that sequence advance your thesis? Do the points build effectively? Are there gaps in the support or points that stray from your original purpose? If you find such problems, consider the following actions:

■ Refine the focus or emphasis by rearranging material within the text.

■ Fill in the gaps with new material. Go back to your planning notes.

■ Delete material that wanders away from your purpose.

■ Use an additional (or different) method of organization. For example, if you are comparing two subjects, add depth to your analysis by contrasting them as well. If you are describing a complex subject, show the subject more clearly and fully by distinguishing and classifying its parts. (See pages 62–69 for more on organizational methods.)

InSIght: What is the best method of organization for your essay? The writing you are doing will usually determine the choice. As you know, a personal narrative is often organized by time. Typically, however, you combine and customize methods to develop a writing idea. For example, within a comparison essay you may do some describing or classifying. See pages 46–47 and 117 for more on the common methods of development.

 Opening Ideas

Reread your opening paragraph(s). Is the opening organized effectively? Does it engage readers, establish a direction for your writing, and express your thesis or focus? The original opening below doesn’t build to a compelling thesis statement, but the revised version engages the reader and leads to the thesis.

Original Opening (Lacks interest and direction)

The lack of student motivation is a common subject in the news. Educators want to know how to get students to learn. Today’s higher standards mean that students will be expected to learn even more. Another problem in urban areas is that large numbers of students are dropping out. How to interest students is a challenge.

Revised Version (Effectively leads readers into the essay)

How can we motivate students to learn? How can we get them to meet today’s rising standards of excellence? How can we, in fact, keep students in school long enough to learn? The answer to these problems is quite simple. Give them money. Pay students to study and learn and stay in school.

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Chapter 5 Revising 77

 Flow of Ideas

Look closely at the beginnings and endings of each paragraph. Have you connected your thoughts clearly? (See page 86 for a list of transition words.) The original opening words of the paragraph sequence below, from an essay of description, offer no links for readers. The revised versions use strong transitions indicating spatial organization (order by location).

Original First Words in the Four Middle Paragraphs

There was a huge, steep hill . . . Buffalo Creek ran . . . A dense “jungle” covering . . . Within walking distance from my house . . .

Revised Versions (Words and phrases connect ideas)

Behind the house, there was a huge, steep hill . . . Across the road from the house, Buffalo Creek ran . . . On the far side of the creek bank was a dense “jungle” covering . . . Up the road, within walking distance from my house . . .

InSIght: Review “Supporting Your Claims” (pages 254–256) and use those strategies to strengthen weak or unconvincing passages.

 Closing Ideas

Reread your closing paragraph(s). Do you offer an effective summary, reassert your main point in a fresh way, and provide readers with food for thought as they leave your writing? Or is your ending abrupt, repetitive, or directionless? The original ending below is uninspiring; it adds little to the main part of the writing. The revision summarizes the main points in the essay and then urges the reader to think again about the overall point of writing.

Original Ending (Sketchy and flat)

Native Son deals with a young man’s struggle against racism. It shows the effects of prejudice. Everyone should read this book.

Revised Version (Effectively ends the writing)

Native Son deals with a young man’s struggle in a racist society, but also with so much more. It shows how prejudice affects people, how it closes in on them, and what some people will do to find a way out. Anyone who wants to better understand racism in the United States should read this book.

TIP: To generate fresh ideas for your closing, freewrite answers to questions like these: Why is the topic important to me? What should my readers have learned? Why should this issue matter to readers? What evidence or appeal (pages 262–263) will help readers remember my message and act on it? How does the topic relate to broader issues in society, history, or life?

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The Writing Process78

 Revising for Voice and Style Generally, readers more fully trust writing that speaks in an informed voice and a clear, natural style. To develop an informed voice, make sure that your details are correct and complete; to develop a clear style, make sure that your writing is well organized and unpretentious. Check the issues below. (For a definition of voice, see page 74.)

Check the level of commitment. Consider how and to what degree your writing shows that you care about the topic and reader. For example, note how the original passage below lacks a personal voice, revealing nothing about the writer’s connection to—or interest in—the topic. In contrast, the revision shows that the writer cares about the topic.

Original Passage (Lacks voice)

Cemeteries can teach us a lot about history. They make history seem more real. There is an old grave of a Revolutionary War veteran in the Union Grove Cemetery. . . .

Revised Version (Personal, sincere voice)

I’ve always had a special feeling for cemeteries. It’s hard to explain any further than that, except to say history never seems quite as real as it does when I walk among many old gravestones. One day I discovered the grave of a Revolutionary War veteran. . . .

Original Passage (Lacks feeling and energy)

The Dream Act could make a difference for people. It just takes a long time to get any bill through Congress. This bill probably will never get approved. Instead of passing the Dream Act, the country will probably just deport high school students from other countries.

Revised Passage (Expresses real feelings)

Given such debates, it might be a long time before the bill becomes law, thereby dashing the dreams of nearly 65,000 high school students like Maria who can’t wait another year because they may already be in deportation proceedings. We need to step up and educate our representatives and senators about the importance of passing the Dream Act on its own instead of including the bill along with CIR. We need to urge them to debate and approve the Dream Act now, thereby making Maria’s dreams—and the dreams of thousands of students like her—a reality!

Check the intensity of your writing. All writing—including academic writing—is enriched by an appropriate level of intensity, or even passion. In the original passage below, the writer’s concern for the topic is unclear because the piece sounds neutral. In contrast, the revised version exudes energy.

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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Chapter 5 Revising 79

Develop an academic style. Most college writing requires an academic style. Such a style isn’t stuffy; you’re not trying to impress readers with ten-dollar words. Rather, you are using language that facilitates a thoughtful, engaged discussion of the topic. To choose the best words for such a conversation, consider the issues that follow.

 Personal Pronouns

In some academic writing, personal pronouns are acceptable. Such is the case in informal writing, such as reading responses, personal essays involving narration, description, and reflection, and opinion-editorial essays written for a broad audience. In addition, I is correctly used in academic writing rooted in personal research, sometimes called an I-search paper.

Generally, however, avoid using I, we, and you in traditional academic writing. The concept, instead, is to focus on the topic itself and let your attitude be revealed indirectly. As E. B. White puts it, “To achieve style, begin by affecting none—that is, begin by placing yourself in the background.”

No: I really think that the problem of the homeless in Chicago is serious, given the number of people who are dying, as I know from my experience where I grew up.

Yes: Homelessness in Chicago often leads to death. This fact demands the attention of more than lawmakers and social workers; all citizens must address the problems of their suffering neighbors.

TIP: Use the pronoun one carefully in academic prose. When it means “a person,” one can lead to a stilted style if overused. In addition, the pronoun their (a plural pronoun) should not be used with one (a singular pronoun).

 Technical Terms and Jargon

Technical terms and jargon—“insider” words—can be the specialized vocabulary of a subject, a discipline, a profession, or a social group. As such, jargon can be difficult to read for “outsiders.” Follow these guidelines:

■ Use technical terms to communicate with people within the profession or discipline as a kind of shorthand. However, be careful that such jargon doesn’t devolve into meaningless buzzwords and catchphrases.

■ Avoid jargon when writing for readers outside the profession or discipline. Use simpler terms and define technical terms that must be used.

Technical: Bin’s Douser power washer delivers 2200 psi p.r., runs off standard a.c. lines, comes with 100 ft. h.d. synthetic-rubber tubing, and features variable pulsation options through three adjustable s.s. tips.

Simple: Bin’s Douser power washer has a pressure rating of 2200 psi (pounds per square inch), runs off a common 200-volt electrical circuit, comes with 100 feet of hose, and includes three nozzles.

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The Writing Process80

 Level of Formality

Most academic writing (especially research papers, literary analyses, lab reports, and argumentative essays) should meet the standards of formal English. Formal English is characterized by a serious tone; careful attention to word choice; longer and more complex sentences reflecting complex thinking; strict adherence to traditional conventions of grammar, mechanics, and punctuation; and avoidance of contractions.

Formal English, modeled in this sentence, is worded correctly and carefully so that it can withstand repeated readings without seeming tiresome, sloppy, or cute.

You may write other papers (personal essays, commentaries, journals, and reviews) in which informal English is appropriate. Informal English is characterized by a personal tone, the occasional use of popular expressions, shorter sentences with slightly looser syntax, contractions, and personal references (I, we, you), but it still adheres to basic conventions.

Informal English sounds like one person talking to another person (in a somewhat relaxed setting). It’s the type of language that you’re reading now. It sounds comfortable and real, not affected or breezy.

TIP: In academic writing, generally avoid slang—words considered outside standard English because they are faddish, familiar to few people, and sometimes insulting.

 Unnecessary Qualifiers

Using qualifiers (such as mostly, often, likely, or tends to) is an appropriate strategy for developing defendable claims in argumentative writing. (See pages 252–253.) However, when you “overqualify” your ideas or add intensifiers (really, truly), the result is insecurity—the impression that you lack confidence in your ideas. The cure? Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Insecure: I totally and completely agree with the new security measures at sporting events, but that’s only my opinion.

Secure: I agree with the new security measures at sporting events.

FYI Each academic discipline has its own vocabulary and its own vocabulary resources. Such resources include dictionaries, glossaries, or handbooks. Check your library for the vocabulary resources in your discipline. Use them regularly to deepen your grasp of that vocabulary.

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Chapter 5 Revising 81

Know when to use the passive voice. Most verbs can be in either the active or the passive voice. When a verb is active, the sentence’s subject performs the action. When the verb is passive, the subject is acted upon.

Active: If you can’t attend the meeting, notify Richard by Thursday.

Passive: If a meeting can’t be attended by you, Richard must be notified by Thursday.

Weaknesses of Passive Voice: The passive voice tends to be wordy and sluggish because the verb’s action is directed backward, not ahead. In addition, passive constructions tend to be impersonal, making people disappear.

Passive: The sound system can now be used to listen in on sessions in the therapy room. Parents can be helped by having constructive one-on- one communication methods with children modeled by therapists.

Active: Parents can now use the sound system to listen in on sessions in the therapy room. Therapists can help parents by modeling constructive one-on-one communication methods with children.

Strengths of Passive Voice: Using the passive voice isn’t wrong. In fact, the passive voice has some important uses: (1) when you need to be tactful (say, in a bad-news letter), (2) if you wish to stress the object or person acted upon, and (3) if the actual actor is understood, unknown, or unimportant.

Active: Our engineers determined that you bent the bar at the midpoint.

Passive: Our engineers determined that the bar had been bent at the midpoint. (tactful)

Active: Congratulations! We have approved your scholarship for $2,500.

Passive: Congratulations! Your scholarship for $2,500 has been approved. (emphasis on receiver; actor understood)

TIP: Avoid using the passive voice unethically to hide responsibility. For example, an instructor who says, “Your assignments could not be graded because of scheduling difficulties,” might be trying to evade the truth: “I did not finish grading your assignments because I was watching CSI.”

Writing with Sources:Academic writing must be free of plagiarism. Check that you have clearly indicated which material in your draft is summarized, paraphrased, or quoted from another source. (For more help, see pages 436–438.)

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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The Writing Process82

 Addressing Paragraph Issues While drafting, you may have constructed paragraphs that are loosely held together, poorly developed, or unclear. When you revise, take a close look at your paragraphs for focus, unity, and coherence (pages 83–85).

Remember the basics. A paragraph should be a concise unit of thought. Revise a paragraph until it . . .

■ is organized around a controlling idea—often stated in a topic sentence.

■ consists of supporting sentences that develop the controlling idea.

■ concludes with a sentence that summarizes the main point and prepares readers for the next paragraph or main point.

■ serves a specific function in a piece of writing—opening, supporting, developing, illustrating, countering, describing, or closing.

Sample Paragraph

Keep the purpose in mind. Use these questions to evaluate the purpose and function of each paragraph:

■ What function does the paragraph fulfill? How does it add to your line of reasoning or the development of your thesis?

■ Would the paragraph work better if it were divided in two—or combined with another paragraph?

■ Does the paragraph flow smoothly from the previous paragraph, and does it lead effectively into the next one?

Tumor cells can hurt the body in a number of ways. First, a tumor can grow so big

that it takes up space needed by other organs. Second, some cells may detach from the

original tumor and spread throughout the body, creating new tumors elsewhere. This

happens with lymphatic cancer—a cancer that’s hard to control because it spreads so

quickly. A third way that tumor cells can hurt the body is by doing work not called

for in their DNA. For example, a gland cell’s DNA code may tell the cell to produce a

necessary hormone in the endocrine system. However, if cancer damages or distorts

that code, sick cells may produce more of the hormone than the body can use—or

even tolerate (Braun 4). Cancer cells seem to have minds of their own, and this is why

cancer is such a serious disease.

Topic sentence

Supporting sentences

Closing sentence

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Chapter 5 Revising 83

Check for unity. A unified paragraph is one in which all the details help to develop a single main topic or achieve a single main effect. Test for unity by following these guidelines.

 Topic Sentence

Very often the topic of a paragraph is stated in a single sentence called a “topic sentence.” Check whether your paragraph needs a topic sentence. If the paragraph has a topic sentence, determine whether it is clear, specific, and well focused. Here is a formula for writing good topic sentences:

Formula: A topic sentence = a limited topic + a specific feeling or thought about it.

Example: The fear that Americans feel (limited topic) comes partly from the uncertainty related to this attack (a specific thought).

 Placement of the Topic Sentence

Normally the topic sentence is the first sentence in the paragraph. However, it can appear elsewhere in a paragraph.

Middle Placement: Place a topic sentence in the middle when you want to build up to and then lead away from the key idea.

During the making of Apocalypse Now, Eleanor Coppola created a documentary about the filming called Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse. In the first film, the insane Colonel Kurtz has disappeared into the Cambodian jungle. As Captain Willard searches for Kurtz, the screen fills with horror. however, as Hearts of Darkness relates, the horror portrayed in the fictional movie was being lived out by the production company. For example, in the documentary, actor Larry Fishburne shockingly says, “War is fun. . . . Vietnam must have been so much fun.” Then toward the end of the filming, actor Martin Sheen suffered a heart attack. When an assistant informed investors, the director exploded, “He’s not dead unless I say he’s dead.”

End Placement: Place a topic sentence at the end when you want to build to a climax, as in a passage of narration or persuasion.

When sportsmen stop to reflect on why they find fishing so enjoyable, most realize that what they love is the feel of a fish on the end of the line, not necessarily the weight of the fillets in their coolers. Fishing has undergone a slow evolution over the last century. While fishing used to be a way of putting food on the table, most of today’s fishermen do so only for the relaxation that it provides. The barbed hook was invented to increase the quantity of fish a man could land so that he could better feed his family. this need no longer exists, so barbed hooks are no longer necessary.

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The Writing Process84

 Supporting Sentences

All the sentences in the body of a paragraph should support the topic sentence. The closing sentence, for instance, will often summarize the paragraph’s main point or emphasize a key detail. If any sentences shift the focus away from the topic, revise the paragraph in one of the following ways:

■ Delete the material from the paragraph.

■ Rewrite the material so that it clearly supports the topic sentence.

■ Create a separate paragraph based on the odd-man-out material.

■ Revise the topic sentence so that it relates more closely to the support.

 Consistent Focus

Examine the following paragraph about fishing hooks. The original topic sentence focuses on the point that some anglers prefer smooth hooks. However, the writer leaves this initial idea unfinished and turns to the issue of the cost of new hooks. In the revised version, unity is restored: The first paragraph completes the point about anglers who prefer smooth hooks; the second paragraph addresses the issue of replacement costs.

Original Paragraph (Lacks unity)

According to some anglers who do use smooth hooks, their lures perform better than barbed lures as long as they maintain a constant tension on the line. Smooth hooks can bite deeper than barbed hooks, actually providing a stronger hold on the fish. Some people have argued that replacing all of the barbed hooks in their tackle would be a costly operation.

Revised Version (Unified)

According to some anglers who do use smooth hooks, their lures perform better than barbed lures as long as the anglers maintain a constant tension on the line. Smooth hooks can bite deeper than barbed hooks, actually providing a stronger hold on the fish. These anglers testify that switching from barbed hooks has not noticeably reduced the number of fish that they are able to land. In their experience, and in my own, enjoyment of the sport is actually heightened by adding another challenge to playing the fish (maintaining line tension).

Some people have argued that replacing all of the barbed hooks in their tackle would be a costly operation. While this is certainly a concern, barbed hooks do not necessarily require replacement. With a simple set of pliers, the barbs on most conventional hooks can be bent down, providing a cost-free method of modifying one’s existing tackle. . . .

Paragraphs that contain unrelated ideas lack unity and are hard to follow. As you review each paragraph for unity, ask yourself these questions: Is the topic of the paragraph clear? Does each sentence relate to the topic? Are the sentences organized in the best possible order?

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C R O O M , D O N A V A N 4 6 4 5 T S

Chapter 5 Revising 85

Check for coherence. When a paragraph is coherent, the parts stay together. A coherent paragraph flows smoothly because each sentence is connected to others by patterns in the language such as repetition and transitions. To strengthen the coherence in your paragraphs, check for the issues discussed below.

 Effective Repetition

To achieve coherence in your paragraphs, consider using repetition—repeating words or synonyms where necessary to remind readers of what you have already said. You can also use parallelism—repeating phrase or sentence structures to show the relationships among ideas. At the same time, you will add a unifying rhythm to your writing.

Ineffective: The floor was littered with discarded soda cans, newspapers that were crumpled, and wrinkled clothes.

Effective: the floor was littered with discarded soda cans, crumpled newspapers, and wrinkled clothes. (Three parallel phrases are used.)

Ineffective: Reading the book was enjoyable; to write the critique was difficult.

Effective: Reading the book was enjoyable; writing the critique was difficult. (Two similar structures are repeated.)

 Clear Transitions

Linking words and phrases like “next,” “on the other hand,” and “in addition” connect ideas by showing the relationship among them. There are transitions that show location and time, compare and contrast things, emphasize a point, conclude or summarize, and add or clarify information. (See page 86 for a list of linking words and phrases.) Note the use of transitions in the following examples:

The paradox of Scotland is that violence had long been the norm in this now- peaceful land. In fact, the country was born, bred, and came of age in war. (The transition is used to emphasize a point.)

The production of cement is a complicated process. First, the mixture of lime, silica, alumina, and gypsum is ground into very fine particles. (The transition is used to show time or order.)

InSIght: Another way to achieve coherence in your paragraphs is to use pronouns effectively. A pronoun forms a link to the noun it replaces and ties that noun (idea) to the ideas that follow. As always, don’t overuse pronouns or rely too heavily on them in establishing coherence in your paragraphs.

9781133770961, The College Writer: A Guide to Thinking, Writing, and Researching, Fourth Edition, VanderMey/Meyer/Van Rys/Sebranek - © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. No distribution allowed without express authorization.

C R O O M , D O N A V A N 4 6 4 5 T S

The Writing Process86

 Transitions and Linking Words

The words and phrases below can help you tie together words, phrases, sentences, and paragraphs.

Words used to show location: above behind down on top of across below in back of onto against beneath in front of outside along beside inside over among between into throughout around beyond near to the right away from by off under

Words used to show time: about during next today after finally next week tomorrow afterward first second until as soon as immediately soon when at later then yesterday before meanwhile third