Why is jing mei asked to go to china

Research Essay Over Fiction Story

Date Month Year

Tiger Mom

My mother believed you could be anything you wanted to be in America… “Of course, you can be a prodigy, too” -Amy Tan

A Tiger Mom is described as having low warmth and high control. This means they are very cold and critical, have strict discipline, demand silence and restrict their children from emotional development. Jing-Mei was raised in this type of parenting style in, “Two Kinds” by Amy Tan. This is a short story of the book she wrote named The Joy Luck Club; where the mother goes on and persuades her daughter to try different tasks that may lead her to become famous and successful. However, as the journey continues Jing-Mei becomes dissatisfied and feels like she does not fit in. She wants to be able to decide for herself and chose a career for her future. Yet, her mother would not allow Jing-Mei to do the things she likes. Her mother is trying to live her life through her daughter since she never had the opportunity but Jing-Mei rebels against it. One of the critics in TIME Magazine, says the story is about a Chinese mother who is trying to raise her very Americanized daughter the Chinese way. She wants her cultural traits to be inherited to Jing-Mei but the most important thing she forgets is that they are not in China and society does not work the same way. America is a country that cherishes independence, Jing-Mei merely wants to fit in with the rest of the society and do whatever she wants. But the high standards of her mother do not allow her to become the person she wants to be.

In the beginning Jing-Mei’s mother told her that America was the place to become anything anyone desired to be, “You could become rich. You could become instantly famous” (Tan 1). Jing-Mei instantly became fascinated by the idea, she pictured herself being a successful ballerina and being the perfect child to her mom and dad. Her mother believed Jing-Mei could become a prodigy, but a prodigy is naturally gifted and talented person. She cannot be a genius from one day to another and assume she knows the answer to everything. The relationship between Jing-Mei and her mother was in good standing in fact, she said she was very excited to try all the tasks she had ahead of her. Soon her mother began to test her with several questions about the capital of the states, the weather, math, bible study and the list goes on. They skipped from one task to another until they would find the right one for Jing-Mei because this was about becoming successful; Karen Guo said, “For many Chinese, academic success provides the fuel for upward social mobility” (46). This is exactly what it meant to Jing-Mei’s mother she wanted public recognition for her daughter. Although, Jing-Mei had no idea every time she answered a question it was wrong, and her mother’s face showed disappointment.

Unfortunately, this did not last long Jing-Mei became unhappy because she felt like a failure. Seeing her mother’s disappointment brought her down and lost all interest in becoming a prodigy. However, this helped her discover her new identity and gain power of herself, “The girl, staring back at me was angry, powerful. She and I were the same… I won’t let her change me, I promised myself. I won’t be what I’m not” (Tan 2). Jing-Mei suddenly realized she wants to do what she likes and not do what her mother tells her too, she did not want to be put up for failure anymore. The humiliation Jing-Mei felt every time she failed showed that her mother did not care for her emotional well-being because she was demanding Jing-Mei to change so she expected her to do so regardless of whatever she said or felt. Obviously, this demonstrates Jing-Mei’s mother is the typical Asian Tiger Mother who demands high levels of success at any cost. Another famous Tiger Mom is Amy Chu, who wrote The Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother, she talks about their cultural traits how Chinese parents raise their children to have the genius math whizzes and music prodigies. These children are prohibited from doing any fun activities of their interest they are only allowed to do intellectual work and play the instrument their parents chose for them she proclaims;

“The Chinese mother believes that (1) School work always comes first; (2) an A-minus is a bad grade; (3) your children must be two years ahead of their classmates in math; (4) you must never compliment your children in public; (5) if your children ever disagrees with a teacher or coach, you must always take the side of the teacher or coach; (6) the only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can eventually win a medal; and (7) that medal must be gold” (Chu 1).

To the western world this sounds outrageous because not only are these parents harming their children, but they are not allowing them to fully develop their social skills, enhance their learning, and many other psychological matters. The four different type of parenting styles are authoritative, authoritarian, uninvolved and permissive. Authoritative is described as the best parenting style because these parents set limits and enforce rules however they are flexible and listen to their children, they also have high warmth and moderate control. Authoritarian are very much like the Tiger Mothers, they are high in control and very low warmth, do not show any emotional affection towards the children these parents expect hard work, respect and obedience. Uninvolved parents are the ones who neglect their children and do not care for them at all the child must be the parent themselves because the parent is unaware of what is going on in their lives. Permissive are the ones who think they are the child’s friend with very low control and discipline, have high warmth and communication they use little punishment and simply accept their child’s behavior.

This leads to the development of the children who grow up in the Chinese environment; they are unhappy, overtly aggressive, have low self-esteem, conscientious, obedient, quiet, feel guilty or depressed and blame themselves when things don’t go well, they rebel as adolescents and leave home. In fact, many studies have proven that Tiger parenting is not linked to the best child’s outcome, neither academically nor socioemotionally Hoshair said that, “Not only do parenting styles play an important role in the development of children’s ASC they also are central factors in child’s behavioral problems” (Sangawi 379). Children are indifferent from parents, have greater depressive symptoms and lower GPA’s. These are all the characteristics of Jing-Mei she felt guilty every time she failed, and her mother did not show any concern for her needs, wishes, or emotional well-being, “After seeing, once again, my mother’s disappointed face, something inside me began to die. I hated the tests, the raised hopes and failed expectations” (Tan 2). Jing-Mei shows the psychological emotion and change she was going through, when she decided to give up and be true to herself not letting her mother change that. Her mother had high expectations and failure was not an option although through the story the narrator shows Jing-Mei was conditioned this way and did not know any better.

Despite John Skow, argued that the mother merely wants to raise her daughter the way they are raised in China. This means they need to be demanding and controlling to alter the academic success of their children and if they do not do as they say they will grow up to be nobody;

“A girl is like a young tree, she said. You must stand tall and listen to your mother standing next to you. That is the only way to grow strong and straight. But if you bend to listen to other people, you will grow crooked and weak. You will fall to the ground with the first strong wind. And then you will be like a weed, growing wild in any direction, running along the ground until someone pulls you out and throws you away” (Tan 191).

They highly believe in setting their child’s future by making them do whatever it takes to become famous or successful. Eventually her mother had one last task for her and that was to learn how to play the piano. At first she thought her mother would give up on her like she has done in the past but this time she forces Jing-Mei to learn a song and do a public performance at the talent show. Practice was every day for two hours and even though Jing-Mei did not like it she went along with it to prove her mother wrong. She had become accustomed to fail because that is how her mother taught her by skipping from one thing to another not allowing Jing-Mei to learn anything but to give up on everything and herself.

Finally, when Jing-Mei decides to confront her mother about stopping the piano lessons because she did not like playing it her mother got very angry at her. They started arguing about it and it was then when her mother told her there are, “Only two kinds of daughters, those who are obedient and those who follow their own mind! Only one kind of daughter can live in this house. Obedient daughter!” (Tan 5). That was very hurtful for Jing-Mei, in a sense this meant she was dishonoring her from being her child and the shame of being her daughter. This is an example of the Tiger parenting technique in which Stephen talks about he says that Jing-Mei was going through self-assertion and self-discovery;

“American society has tended toward the ideals of the self-sufficient, self-reliant individual who is the master of his or her fate and chooses his or her own destiny. High value is placed on the ability to stand on your own two feet, or pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, or do your own thing. In contrast, Asian philosophies tend toward an acknowledgment that individuals become what they are because of the efforts of many things and many people. They are the products of their relationship to nature and other people. Thus, heavy emphasis is placed on the nature of the relationship among people, generally with the aim of maintaining harmony through proper conduct and attitudes” (Souris 116).

Jing-Mei’s mother does not accept the fact that her daughter is habituated to the American society and there is nothing that will make her change. For Jing-Mei it is by far more meaningful to be true to herself than becoming anything her mother wanted her to be. And the years that followed she and her mother did not talk about it they grew apart and became distant there was resentment from her mother towards her. Her mother believed Jing-Mei did not try hard enough or put the effort enough to become a music prodigy. However, Jing-Mei does not realize that in the end she did become a prodigy of failure because she did not do good in school, did not become class president neither did she finish college.

Ultimately, Jing-Mei had learned that even though her mother had said that one can be whatever they wanted to be in America was not true because her mother was trying so hard to make her change into someone she was not. There was a battle of who would control Jing-Mei’s life, her mother believed she was right because she was the parent and knew what was best for her daughter. But she left a lasting effect imprinted in her for the rest of her life because her childhood was ruined, and she was miserable through the years by the parenting style she was raised in. The narrator showed there was conflict with the mother assimilating the culture Jing-Mei was raised in which causes her to misunderstand why Jing-Mei was acting the way she was. The mother blamed her for everything but it was the result of her parenting style, society and the environment they lived in that shaped Jing-Mei to become who she was.