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A STRENGTH TO CAPITALIZE ON

These scores are much higher than average and indicate a noteworthy strength. These strengths probably come naturally to you or exist because you have worked hard to develop them. Seize every opportunity to use these emotionally intelligent behaviors to maximize your success. You are highly competent in this skill, so work to capitalize on it and achieve your potential.

80-89

A STRENGTH TO BUILD ON

This score is above average. However, there are a few situations where you don't demonstrate emotionally intelligent behavior. There are many things you've done well to receive this score and a few that could be better with some practice. Study the behaviors for which you received this score and consider how you can polish your skills.

70-79

WITH A LITTLE IMPROVEMENT, THIS COULD BE A STRENGTH

You are aware of some of the behaviors for which you received this score, and you are doing well with them. Other emotionally intelligent behaviors in this group are holding you back. Lots of people start here and see a big improvement in their emotional intelligence once it's brought to their attention. Use this opportunity to discover the difference and improve in the areas where you don't do as well.

60-69

SOMETHING YOU SHOULD WORK ON

This is an area where you sometimes demonstrate emotionally intelligent behavior but not usually. You may be starting to let people down. Perhaps this is a skill area that doesn't always come naturally for you or that you don't make use of. With a little improvement in this skill, your credibility will go way up.

59 and Below

A CONCERN YOU MUST ADDRESS

This skill area is either a problem for you, you don't value it, or you didn't know it was important. The bad news is your skills in this area are limiting your effectiveness. The good news is this discovery and choosing to do something about it will go a long way in improving your emotionally intelligent behavior.

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Now For The Numbers

NOW FOR THE NUMBERS...

Your Overall Emotional Intelligence Score: 68

Personal Competence: 69

The collective power of your self-awareness and self-management skills. It's how you use emotional intelligence in situations that are more about you privately.

Self-Awareness 72 Your ability to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen. This includes keeping on top of how you tend to respond to specific situations and certain people.

Self-Management 65 Your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behavior. This means managing your emotional reactions to all situations and people.

Social Competence: 68

The combination of your social awareness and relationship management skills. It's more about how you are with other people.

Social Awareness 70 Your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and get what is really going on. This often means understanding what other people are thinking and feeling, even if you don't feel the same way.

Relationship Management 65 Your ability to use awareness of your emotions and the emotions of others to manage interactions successfully. Letting emotional awareness guide clear communication and effective handling of conflict.

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® My EQ Strategies

MY EQ STRATEGIES

This section analyzes your score profile to suggest the three EQ strategies that will increase your EQ the most.

Start your EQ skill development with: SELF-MANAGEMENT

Complete descriptions of your recommended self-management strategies (listed in the table below) can be found on the pages that follow.

What brings your score down most: What you can do to improve:

Brushing people off when something is bothering you.

Take Control of Your Self-Talk: Self-management strategy #9 on pages 117-119 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Acting out when you're upset. Sleep On It: Self-management strategy #5 on page 111 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Making decisions without adequately considering alternatives.

Set Aside Some Time in Your Day for Problem Solving: Self-management strategy #8 on page 116 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® My EQ Strategies

SELF-MANAGEMENT STRATEGY #1

Take Control of Your Self-Talk

Research suggests the average person has about 50,000 thoughts every day. Sound like a lot? It doesn't stop there. Every time one of those 50,000 thoughts takes place, chemicals are produced in your brain that can trigger reactions felt throughout your body. There is a strong relationship between what you think and how you feel, both physically and emotionally. Because you are always thinking (much like breathing), you tend to forget that you are doing it. You likely don't even realize how much your thoughts dictate how you feel every hour of every single day.

� It's impossible to try and track every single thought you have to see if it's having a positive or negative influence on your emotional state. The thoughts that are most influential are those where you literally talk to yourself. Though you might not realize you have these thoughts, we all have an internal voice inside our head that affects our perception of things. We tell ourselves to keep quiet, we congratulate ourselves on a job well done and we reprimand ourselves for making poor decisions. Our thoughts are "talking" to us every day, and this inner voice is called "self-talk."

� With thoughts, the primary vehicle for regulating your emotional flow, what you allow yourself to think can rumble emotions to the surface, stuff them down underground, and intensify and prolong any emotional experience. When a rush of emotion comes over you, your thoughts turn the heat up or down. By learning to control your self-talk, you can keep yourself focused on the right things and manage your emotions more effectively.

� Much of the time, your self-talk is positive and it helps you through your day ("I'd better get ready for the meeting" or "I'm really looking forward to going out to dinner tonight"). Your self-talk damages your ability to self-manage anytime it becomes negative. Negative self-talk is unrealistic and self-defeating. It can send you into a downward emotional spiral that makes it difficult to get what you want from life.

� What follow are the most common types of negative self-talk with the keys to taking control of them and turning them around:

� 1. Turn I always or I never into just this time or sometimes. Your actions are unique to the situation in front of you, no matter how often you think you mess up. Make certain your thoughts follow suit. When you start treating each situation as its own animal and stop beating yourself up over every mistake, you'll stop making your problems bigger than they really are.

� 2. Replace judgmental statements like I'm an idiot with factual ones like I made a mistake. Thoughts that attach a permanent label to you leave no room for improvement. Factual statements are objective, situational, and help you to focus on what you can change.

� 3. Accept responsibility for your actions and no one else's. The blame game and negative self-talk go hand in hand. If you are someone who often thinks either it's all my fault or it's all their fault you are wrong most the time. It is commendable to accept responsibility for your actions, but not when you carry someone else's burden. Likewise, if you're always blaming others, it's time to take responsibility for your part.

* This is self-management strategy #9 from pages 117-119 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® My EQ Strategies

SELF-MANAGEMENT STRATEGY #2

Sleep On It

In the timeless classic, War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy wrote that the two strongest warriors are time and patience. The power of these warriors comes from their ability to transform situations, ease pain, and provide clarity. Sometimes situations that require our patience can feel so uncomfortable, dissatisfying, and rife with anxiety that we jump to action just to alleviate the internal turmoil. But more often than not, giving yourself that extra day, week, or month to digest the situation before moving forward is all you need to stay in control. And sometimes, while you're waiting, things may surface that make your decision that much easier to make.

� Time helps you to self-manage because it brings clarity and perspective to the thousands of thoughts that go swimming through your head when something is important. Time also helps you to gain control of emotions that you know would lead you in the wrong direction if you were to let them drive. It's that simple. All you need to do is force yourself to wait for the dust to settle before you make a move.

* This is self-management strategy #5 from page 111 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® My EQ Strategies

SELF-MANAGEMENT STRATEGY #3

Set Aside Some Time in Your Day for Problem Solving

You experience hundreds of emotions every day, some of which you are not even aware. You spend your day bouncing around from feeling to feeling, which can lead to making some decisions at inopportune times.

� Think back through some of your recent decisions, and you'll likely find that the decisions you made while hurrying through your day were seldom as effective as those made with some planning and clear thinking. The only way to ensure that you have the right space to make good decisions is to set aside some time in your schedule for problem solving. Just keep it simple. A 15-minute period each day where you turn off your phone, walk away from your computer, and take time to just think, is a great way to ensure your decisions aren't muddled by your emotions.

* This is self-management strategy #8 from page 116 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® My EQ Lessons

MY EQ LESSONS

This section contains four EQ Lessons that will help you actively increase your understanding of, and capacity for, each EQ skill. Emotional intelligence is very different from traditional intelligence (IQ). With IQ, it is understood that you are generally as smart now as you are ever going to be. People learn new facts but their intelligence, or their ability to learn, remains largely the same. Emotional intelligence is a flexible skill that can be readily learned. People increase their emotional intelligence by working on the skills outlined in this learning system.

Research shows that people improve their EQ most when the following conditions are present:

• They have a strong motivation to learn or change

• They practice new behaviors consistently

• They seek feedback on their own behavior

�� How To Master A New Skill

Any time you are acquiring a new skill, remember the best path for doing something new or different looks like this:

• Find someone who is good at it. • Watch that person do it. • Get that person to talk about how they do it. • Practice doing it yourself with his or her guidance. • Ask the person to give you feedback. • Practice doing it on your own. • Seek feedback until you've mastered it.

Change can be a little...

Embarrassing, because as you practice new things, the very people who feel you ought to change may poke fun at you, forget to encourage you along the way, or not even notice. Don't give up. The rewards will outweigh these challenges because you will be better positioned personally and professionally than you ever were before.

How to handle it when you feel embarrassed:

• Say, "I could really use a little support here."

• Tell people you are serious about getting better at this. Most likely, they will become your allies.

• Ask for help and suggestions.

Change can also be a little...

Frustrating, because old habits and behaviors (what you say and do) can be difficult to change.

How to handle it when you feel frustrated:

• Remind yourself that change takes time and practice.

• Remind yourself that it's OK not to know.

• Find someone who handles change well. Ask how it's done.

• Find someone who can encourage you.

Change can also be terrific. It surprises most people how a little bit of change in the right direction can go a long way in the eyes of others. Good luck and have fun with it!

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Self-Awareness Lesson

SELF-AWARENESS LESSON

To increase your self-awareness, you need to discover things you tend to do, say, think, and feel that you have previously failed to notice or understand. This process can be uncomfortable because some of the things you'll discover are unflattering or things you'll want to improve. That said, it's much less painful to seek out this information on your own than wait until someone brings it to your attention.

In the following clip from Role Models, Dan (played by Paul Rudd) increases his self-awareness the hard way.

Log in to your assessment to watch the clip

How does Dan increase his self-awareness the hard way?

She's had enough.

Dan gets defensive.

Dan realizes he's wrong.

She's had enough.

Being in a relationship with Dan means Beth is frequently subjected to his bad moods. She finally realizes that he's so annoyed with everyone because he's unhappy with himself. Beth knows Dan won't change until he understands this. So, she breaks it down for him.

Dan gets defensive.

Like most people in his position, Dan is quick to point out justifications for his behavior. Dan genuinely believes he's so annoyed because people are so annoying. Beth's feedback doesn't even begin to hit home until he realizes that venti means "twenty."

Dan realizes he's wrong.

By the time Dan gets to work and discusses the morning's events with a friend, it's clear that Beth's feedback has had a chance to sink in. Not only does Dan think Beth is right, but Dan's coworker also agrees with her. The more Dan thinks about Beth's feedback, the more he begins to see what is making him so frustrated.

SELF-AWARENESS TIP

To increase your self-awareness, you need to embrace feedback with open arms. Research shows that the vast majority of people struggle to see themselves as others see them, and the most accurate picture of anyone's behavior comes from those around them. The best way to find out what others see is to ask them. Asking for feedback is easy—hearing it without getting defensive is not.

Seeking feedback is difficult for most people. It can be scary when you are afraid to finally find out what people really think of you. Nonetheless, feedback from others won't do you any good if you're not open and receptive to other people's perspectives, especially when they differ from your own.

Here's a process you can follow to seek feedback that will increase your self-awareness:

• Seek out a trusted friend or colleague and ask this person if he or she would be willing to share his or her thoughts about you with you. A "real" feedback discussion is bound to have some difficult moments, so you need to find someone with whom you can work through these moments comfortably.

• Explain to your selected person that you are working on increasing your self-awareness as a result of taking the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal. Tell him or her what emotional intelligence is and describe some of your goals for improving your emotional intelligence (EQ).

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Self-Awareness Lesson

SELF-AWARENESS LESSON CONTINUED

• Ask this person to share with you what he or she sees and thinks regarding your ability to understand and respond effectively to your emotions. Be sure to get information on things that aren't readily apparent to you.

• The following questions should help this conversation:

• Are there specific situations where, or people with whom, I tend to let my emotions get the best of me?

• Is there anything I do too much? That is, can I tone down a certain behavior?

• What holds me back from managing my emotions effectively?

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Self-Management Lesson

SELF-MANAGEMENT LESSON

It's easy to think that good self-management is as simple as controlling explosive emotional outbursts. Although you do need to control outbursts, your emotions have a negative impact on your behavior in other, less obvious ways.

In the following clip from Erin Brockovich, both characters demonstrate poor self-management. As you watch the clip, see if you can pick up on the self-management mistakes each character makes.

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Who does what?

She starts things off right.

He pushes her buttons.

She loses her cool.

She starts things off right.

When you have an uncomfortable interaction with another person, the range and intensity of your emotions are bound to change as the situation unfolds. Erin starts the meeting off right by remaining calm and listening to what Ed has to say.

He pushes her buttons.

Becoming a better self-manager requires taking an honest look at all the ways your emotions create problems for you. In Ed's case, having fun with Erin at her expense was a poor choice. Not only does Ed end up looking bad, but he also ruins what would have otherwise been a great moment for them to share.

She loses her cool.

When people push your buttons, powerful emotions rush to the surface. Effective self-managers keep tabs on their emotions throughout a difficult conversation, so that they know when their buttons are being pushed and can respond accordingly. In Erin's case, she could have avoided falling into Ed's trap by asking to see the check before taking the discussion any further.

SELF-MANAGEMENT TIP

An uncontrolled emotional outburst—even though it may make you feel better temporarily—can do major harm to your relationships. When your relationships are not voluntary, such as with your colleagues at work, minimizing this type of damage is essential to the health and productivity of your relationship.

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Social Awareness Lesson

SOCIAL AWARENESS LESSON

Your ability to recognize and understand others' opinions—and the emotions that come with them—is critical to the quality of your relationships. Putting yourself in the other person's shoes—taking the time to really understand his or her point of view, whether you agree with it or not—is what social awareness is all about.

In this clip from October Sky, Homer greets his father after having just returned home from winning the national science fair. Homer has a difficult relationship with his father, who doesn’t understand Homer’s fascination with rockets and is the only member of the town who hasn’t attended a single launch.

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Homer lets his father speak his mind.

Homer speaks directly to his father's feelings.

Homer lets his father speak his mind.

To demonstrate social awareness, first you have to let people speak their minds. For most of us, this is relatively easy. That is, until we're convinced that we know what the other person is saying. That's when we cut people off, allow our minds to wander, and completely miss what's really going on.

Homer speaks directly to his father's feelings.

Homer's confidence in directly addressing his father is bolstered by a keen read of the man. Homer's father may hold the authority, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need to feel heard. Homer knows the only way to get through to his father is to address his concerns directly, and Homer does so with a powerful effect.

As you can see from the clip, directly addressing the feelings and concerns of others is often the best way to go. However, before you can do that, you have to become skilled at recognizing and reading other people's emotions.

To get better at picking up on others' emotional cues, seek out trusted friends or colleagues with whom you can have a frank conversation about your quest for improved social awareness. The next time they tell you about something they experienced or something important to them, check in with them on the following:

• Tell them your perception of what they are going through and see if it is accurate. Don't be afraid to ask the kinds of questions you really can't ask during a typical conversation.

• Finally, ask them if they were attempting to deliver any unspoken messages. Sometimes people just don't want to say flat out how they feel about something, so they drop hints. If they did, this is a great opportunity to see if you picked up on them.

Who will you try this with?

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Relationship Management Lesson

RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT LESSON

Remember that emotions play a role in every interaction you have with another person, whether you are aware of them or not. Emotions often influence the “back and forth” between two people more than the words being said. The ability to spot emotions in the midst of an interaction, understand their influence, and respond effectively is the essence of relationship management. This can be very hard to do.

In the following scene from The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner (Will Smith) is a struggling salesman who has chosen to take an unpaid internship at a prestigious investment bank to make a better future for himself and his son. However, without a salary, he is failing to make ends meet. It is Saturday, and he's taking his son to play basketball before work. Observe the role that emotions play during their interaction.

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What happens between these two?

Chris disappoints his son.

Chris recognizes his mistake.

Chris makes a repair.

Chris disappoints his son.

Chris, thinking that he is protecting his son from future disappointment and failure, tries to be realistic with him. Instead, Chris's words destroy what little fun the boy gets to have with his hard-working father.

Chris recognizes his mistake.

Chris notices his son's dejected behavior. Chris realizes that, even though he meant well, his words did not have their intended effect. As Chris pauses to reflect, he realizes his own struggles with success and failure tainted the message. Where this realization would make most people defensive, Chris has the ability to stay focused on his son's feelings.

Chris makes a repair.

Chris repairs the broken conversation by acknowledging his mistake in discouraging his son's dream. The earnestness in Chris's voice shows his son he cares deeply about him, even though Chris's words don't say this directly. It's obvious that Chris remembers all of the times that he's been told he can't do something, and he uses these memories to empathize with his son's feelings.

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