Peer response

In the response post, include the following:

• Welcome the classmate to the course.


• Critique the outline by providing strengths and areas of improvement based on the quality of the following areas of the outline:
  
  
  
  • The Introduction – are all parts (Attention Getter, Topic Announcement, Speaker Credibility & Preview) present and developed?
  
  
  • The Body - Does the outline develop at least 2-3 main points present and developed in the body?
  
  
  • Are transitions present and properly worded to show movement between the main ideas in the body?
  
  
  • The Conclusion - Does the conclusion bring finality to the outline? Are all parts (Signal the end, Summarize Main Ideas, Closing Statement) present?
  
  
  
  

Peer's Post

Example Self-Introduction Full-Sentence Outline

Title: A Change of Course

Topic: Self-Introduction

Method of Organization: Full-Sentence Outline

Specific Purpose: Introducing myself to my audience in this course

Thesis: After working as a Certified Medical Assistant for 7 years and pushing off pursuing higher education for 10 years and finally going back to school to pursue a degree in nursing.

Introduction (this is where you start speaking): 

My name is Alicia. I am a Hmong American woman. I was born in Fresno, California but currently reside in Saint Paul, Minnesota. I am a mother to three children. My oldest is my son who is 11 years old and my daughters are 8 and 6 years old. I have been married to my husband for 11 years. I like to say I live a remarkably busy lifestyle as I work as a CMA fulltime, in school fulltime, along with my role as a mother and wife.

Capture Attention: Since I was 16 years old, I have always worked in the healthcare field. My first job in high school from ages 16-20, I worked as a Nursing Assistant in an assisted living facility. Then I went and got my Medical Assistant certification and have worked as a CMA until current. Working in this field, I got to meet and work with many other healthcare professionals and patients which sparked my motivation to earn my nursing degree to open more opportunities for me. As a Hmong woman, culturally, I am expected to be a stay home mother and wife instead of working and going to school. I decided to go against those odds and go after my dreams instead. I want to be a role model for my children to never stop going after their goals despite what others may think. I want to teach my children that education is a high power no one can take from you.

State the thesis: Despite cultural expectations as a Hmong wife/mother, I decided to pursue higher education and work to support my family. No matter the complications I experienced in life, I decided to stay motivated and keep pursuing the goals I set for myself.

Establish Credibility: Being the oldest child of 4 kids, I was expected to help care for my younger siblings growing up. My mother was a single mother who worked 2-3 jobs to provide for us. I don’t recall a time where I have not taken care of children or anyone. My mother fell ill a few years before her death which caused her to become blind in one eye and therefore, deteriorated her health and took away her independence so I cared for my mother. Caring for others including my own children and my work experience working with patients, I decided I wanted to pursue a career as a nurse. I found myself passionate about working and caring for people.

Preview the speech: I grew up being taught to be an independent woman through my mother. My mother did not want us to grow up following the expectations as a Hmong woman. She wanted us to be independent and work for our own. I was a teen mom at the age of 16. With that, my family frowned down upon me and had their doubts in me being able to live a successful life. I lost a lot of people who I thought were my family and friends after becoming a teen mom. This ultimately made me more motivated to make a future for myself and my children to show those who did not believe in me, that I did it.

1. Being a Hmong girl, there were other expectations from me.


2. I worked at the age of 16 years old


3. My first job was a Nursing Assistant


4. I became a teen mom at age 16, family and friends looked down on me.


5. My mother became ill which ultimately took her life a few years later.


6. I decided to go back to school for Medical Assisting


7. After caring for patients and working in the healthcare field for many years, I decided to go back to school to further my education.


8. I applied for nursing school


9. I currently work full time at a clinic as a float CMA while in school FT

Transition: Becoming a teen mom at age 16, I had to find a way to support myself and my unborn child. I worked hard to graduate high school and find a job. I also had thought about college at this point in my life although it seemed impossible.

1. Sought for support from academic advisors to help me in school


2. Made the commitment to stay in school while pregnant


3. Gave birth to my son as a young high school student


4. While in high school, also applied for a college program


5. Accepted into the high school college program to earn nursing assistant certification


6. Graduated with a 4.0 GPA honors


7. Applied to different state colleges right after high school


8. Lack of support from family


9. The struggles I had to overcome as a young parent and student


10. Years later, and three kids later, my husband and I fought all obstacles as young parents


11. My husband and I purchased our first home


12. After 7 years of working, I decided to apply into nursing school

Transition: I am now in nursing school while working full time

1. Managing 3 kids, working full time and school full time has been a struggle.


2. I still do not have much support from family besides my husband so that is still a struggle for us both in managing all our life duties.


3. I work 8-10 hours shifts 5 days out of the week, the other two days I take off dedicating it for school.


4. I learned now at my age that all of the obstacles we face in our life is to prepare us for our future.


5. The work you are willing to put in is what you will get out of it.


6. I have just a year left in the nursing program before I graduate with my BSN.


7. When looking back to how far ive come, I am extremely proud of myself for never giving up on my kids but mostly on myself.


8. I am closer now to my goals that I had set for myself at 16 years old.


9. After graduating school, I want to continue working and expanding my opportunities.

Transition: The decision to further my education has been the best decision I made for myself. Knowledge is wealth. My mother always said to me, “You can never learn too much.” Always be willing to learn, make mistakes and do better next time.

Conclusion: Although I experienced much obstacles in my life, I decided to turn those obstacles into something beautiful instead of letting it tear me down. Being born and raised in a very traditional house, I fought against those cultural expectations. Becoming a young teen mom also was a big life lesson. I lost people who I thought cared for me along the way as I was shamed for being a teen mom. Despite all of it, I held on strong to my goals and accomplished each one, one by one. My mother lost her life at a young age and never got to accomplish her dreams so I am doing this for both my mother and I.