Messages
Proposals
Get Urgent Writing Help In Your Essays, Assignments, Homeworks, Dissertation, Thesis Or Coursework & Achieve A+ Grades.
Privacy Guaranteed - 100% Plagiarism Free Writing - Free Turnitin Report - Professional And Experienced Writers - 24/7 Online Support
Hbd
How does understanding cultural difference relate to tolerance?
Why is it important to recognize that differences exist in nonverbal rules of different cultures?
Which is the more challenging response skill to use, empathy or sympathy? Why?
Which listening responses do you feel you need to improve, and why?
https://studydaddy.com/?utm_source=pdf
The CourseMate for Looking Out/Looking In, 14e, provides opportunities for you to review and apply what you’re learning in class.
Access the study tools you need to succeed in your interpersonal communication course —
InfoTrac® College Edition This online university library of more than 5,000 academic and popular magazines, newspapers, and journals is updated daily, so you have access to the most current information available.
Enhanced eBook The eBook features advanced study tools such as a hypertext index, easy navigation, highlighting, and annotation in a vibrant web-based format and faster searching in an eBook platform.
Interactive Video Activities View video of communication scenarios discussed in the book; embed notes on the video; and complete critique and evaluation assignments all through the CourseMate for Looking Out/Looking In.
Scene from an interpersonal communication simulation, available on the CourseMate for Looking Out/Looking In.
includes interactive teaching and learning tools:
Quizzes Enhanced eBook Flashcards Student Workbook Interpersonal Simulations and more. Interactive Video Activities
These assets enable you to review for tests, prepare for class, and address your needs for your learning style.
all in one place!
If access to the Speech Communication CourseMate for Looking Out/Looking In was not included with your text- book, you can purchase access at cengagebrain.com.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
READINGS Social Networking, Survival, and Healing 19
Talking with Little Girls 48
Is Misleading Your Spouse Fraud or Tact? 68
Parents as Facebook Friends: Too Much Information? 87
Learning Empathy by Doing 101
Introverts: Thoughtful, Not Shy 118
My First Flame 127
Critic’s Math 139
Finding the Words to Talk About Disability 163
The Look of a Victim 199
The Way You Talk Can Hurt You? 204
Meetings Going “Topless” 229
Why Won’t Anyone Let Me Feel Sad? 237
Online Liars Leave Leads 252
Learning the Languages of Love 298
Rankism: The Poison that Destroys Relationships 324
Paying It Forward Pays Back 355
ON THE JOB Communication and Career Success 8
Sexual Harassment and Perception 95
Emotion Labor in the Workplace 125
Swearing in the Workplace 167
Nonverbal Communication in Job Interviews 201
Listening in the Workplace 220
Memorable Messages: Initiating Company Newcomers 257
Romance in the Workplace 283
Communication Climate and Job Satisfaction 316
Workplace Bullying 351
PAUSE AND REFLECT How Personal Are Your Facebook Relationships? 14
How Networked Are You? 20
Your Self-Esteem 40
“Ego Boosters” and “Ego Busters” 43
Recognizing Your Strengths 45
Your Many Identities 53
Building a Johari Window 61
Your Perceptual Schema 80
Role Reversal 93
Recognizing Your Emotions 120
Expanding Your Emotional Vocabulary 130
Talking to Yourself 137
How Irrational Are You? 142
Avoiding Troublesome Language 158
Your Linguistic Rules 162
Conjugating “Irregular Verbs” 168
Exploring Gender Differences in Communication 176
High- and Low-Context Communication 180
Body Language 195
The Rules of Touch 207
Distance Makes a Difference 209
Listening Breakdowns 223
Speaking and Listening with a “Talking Stick” 228
When Advising Does and Doesn’t Work 239
What Would You Say? 241
Quick Reference Guide
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
Q U
IC K
R E
F E
R E
N C
E G
U ID
E Your Relational Stage 262
Your Dialectical Tensions 266
Your IQ (Intimacy Quotient) 281
Your Family’s Communication Patterns 290
Gender and Friendship 293
Relational Turning Points 296
Maintaining Your Relationships 301
Your Relational Transgressions 303
Evaluating Communication Climates 319
Defensiveness Feedback 325
Understanding Conflict Styles 359
Your Conflict Rituals 361
SKILL BUILDERS Stages in Learning Communication Skills 25
Check Your Competence 27
Appropriate Self-Disclosure 66
Punctuation Practice 83
Perception Checking Practice 100
Pillow Talk 107
Feelings and Phrases 131
Rational Thinking 145
Down-to-Earth Language 158
Practicing “I” Language 172
Paraphrasing Practice 235
Behaviors and Interpretations 328
Name the Feeling 328
Putting Your Message Together 331
Coping with Criticism 337
LOOKING AT DIVERSITY Igor Ristic: Competent Communication around
the World 28
Lexie Lopez-Mayo: Culture, Gender, and Self- Disclosure 59
Christa Kilvington: Socioeconomic Stereotyping 89
Todd Epaloose: A Native American Perspective on Emotional Expression 123
Pilar Bernal de Pheils: Speaking the Patient’s Language 178
Annie Donnellon: Blindness and Nonverbal Cues 203
Austin Lee: Culture and Listening Responses 223
Kevin Schomaker: Forging Relationships with Social Media 254
Scott Johnson: Multicultural Families and Communication Challenges 288
Abdel Jalil Elayyadi: Promoting Understanding 326
Marilynn Jorgensen: Conflict and Cultural Style 365
IN REAL LIFE Appropriate and Inappropriate Self-Disclosure 64
Perception Checking in Everyday Life 98
The Pillow Method in Action 108
Guidelines for Emotional Expression 133
Rational Thinking in Action 146
“I” and “You” Language on the Job 172
Recognizing Nonverbal Cues 211
Paraphrasing on the Job 232
The Assertive Message Format 330
Responding Nondefensively to Criticism 338
Win–Win Problem Solving 370
ETHICAL CHALLENGES Martin Buber’s I and Thou 13
Must We Always Tell the Truth? 71
Empathy and the Golden Rule 105
Aristotle’s Golden Mean 132
Unconditional Positive Regard 243
Nonviolence: A Legacy of Principled Effectiveness 336
Dirty Fighting with Crazymakers 353
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
i
F O U R T E E N T H E D I T I O N
Ronald B. Adler Santa Barbara City College
Russell F. Proctor II Northern Kentucky University
Looking Out Looking In
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
This is an electronic version of the print textbook. Due to electronic rights restrictions, some third party content may be suppressed. Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. The publisher reserves the right to
remove content from this title at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it. For valuable information on pricing, previous editions, changes to current editions, and alternate formats, please visit www.cengage.com/highered to search by
ISBN#, author, title, or keyword for materials in your areas of interest.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
-
Wadsworth
www.cengage.com/global
www.cengage.com
www.CengageBrain.com
Instructors: login.cengage.com
Looking Out/Looking In, Fourteenth Edition Ronald B. Adler, Russell F. Proctor II
Printed in Canada 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 16 15 14 13 12
Cengage Learning Customer & Sales Support, 1-800-354-9706
cengage.com/permissions
permissionrequest@cengage.com
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
iii
Neil Towne
iii
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
Brief Contents
CHAPTER ONE A FIRST LOOK AT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION 2
PART I LOOKING IN
CHAPTER TWO COMMUNICATION AND IDENTITY: CREATING AND PRESENTING THE SELF 36
CHAPTER THREE PERCEPTION: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET 76
CHAPTER FOUR EMOTIONS: FEELING, THINKING, AND COMMUNICATING 114
PART II LOOKING OUT
CHAPTER FIVE LANGUAGE: BARRIER AND BRIDGE 152
CHAPTER SIX NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION: MESSAGES BEYOND WORDS 186
CHAPTER SEVEN LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 216
PART III LOOKING AT RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
CHAPTER EIGHT COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS 248
CHAPTER NINE INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS 276
CHAPTER TEN IMPROVING COMMUNICATION CLIMATES 310
CHAPTER ELEVEN MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS 344
iv
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
v
Contents
Preface xi About the Authors 1
CHAPTER ONE A FIRST LOOK AT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION 2 Why We Communicate 4
Physical Needs 5 Identity Needs 5 Social Needs 6 Practical Goals 7
The Process of Communication 7 A Linear View 8 A Transactional View 9 Interpersonal and Impersonal Communication 12
Communication Principles and Misconceptions 15 Communication Principles 15 Communication Misconceptions 17
Social Media and Interpersonal Communication 18 Benefits of Social Media 18 Challenges of Social Media 21
What Makes an Effective Communicator? 22 Communication Competence Defined 22 Characteristics of Competent Communicators 23 Competence in Intercultural Communication 27 Competence in Social Media 30
Summary 32 Key Terms 32 Online Resources 33 Search Terms 33 Film and Television 34
PART I LOOKING IN
CHAPTER TWO COMMUNICATION AND IDENTITY: CREATING AND PRESENTING THE SELF 36
Communication and the Self 38 Self-Concept and Self-Esteem 38 Biological and Social Roots of the Self 40 Characteristics of the Self-Concept 43 Culture, Gender, and Identity 47 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and Communication 49
Presenting the Self: Communication as Identity Management 51 Public and Private Selves 51 Characteristics of Identity Management 52 Why Manage Identities? 54
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
vi C
O N
T E
N T
S Managing Identities in Person and Online 55 Identity Management and Honesty 57
Self-Disclosure in Relationships 58 Models of Self-Disclosure 58 Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure 61 Guidelines for Self-Disclosure 63
Alternatives to Self-Disclosure 66 Silence 67 Lying 67 Equivocating 69 Hinting 70 The Ethics of Evasion 70
Summary 72 Key Terms 72 Online Resources 73 Search Terms 73 Film and Television 74
CHAPTER THREE PERCEPTION: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET 76 The Perception Process 78
Selection 79 Organization 79 Interpretation 84 Negotiation 85
Influences on Perception 86 Access to Information 86 Physiological Influences 86 Cultural Differences 89 Social Roles 91
Common Tendencies in Perception 93 We Judge Ourselves More Charitably Than We Judge Others 93 We Cling to First Impressions 94 We Assume that Others Are Similar to Us 94 We Are Influenced by Our Expectations 95 We Are Influenced by the Obvious 96
Perception Checking 96 Elements of Perception Checking 97 Perception Checking Considerations 97
Empathy, Cognitive Complexity, and Communication 100 Empathy 100 Cognitive Complexity 102
Summary 110 Key Terms 110 Online Resources 111 Search Terms 111 Film and Television 112
CHAPTER FOUR EMOTIONS: FEELING, THINKING, AND COMMUNICATING 114 What Are Emotions? 116
Physiological Factors 117 Nonverbal Reactions 117 Cognitive Interpretations 117 Verbal Expression 119
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
vii
C on
ten ts
Influences on Emotional Expression 121 Personality 121 Culture 121 Gender 122 Social Conventions 122 Fear of Self-Disclosure 124 Emotional Contagion 124
Guidelines for Expressing Emotions 126 Recognize Your Feelings 126 Recognize the Difference between Feeling, Talking, and Acting 128 Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary 128 Share Multiple Feelings 129 Consider When and Where to Express Your Feelings 130 Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings 132 Be Mindful of the Communication Channel 132
Managing Difficult Emotions 134 Facilitative and Debilitative Emotions 134 Sources of Debilitative Emotions 135 Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Emotions 138 Minimizing Debilitative Emotions 143
Summary 148 Key Terms 148 Online Resources 149 Search Terms 149 Film and Television 150
PART II LOOKING OUT
CHAPTER FIVE LANGUAGE: BARRIER AND BRIDGE 152 Language Is Symbolic 154 Understandings and Misunderstandings 156
Understanding Words: Semantic Rules 156 Understanding Structure: Syntactic Rules 158 Understanding Context: Pragmatic Rules 160
The Impact of Language 161 Naming and Identity 161 Affiliation 162 Power 165 Disruptive Language 166 The Language of Responsibility 169
Gender and Language 173 Content 173 Reasons for Communicating 174 Conversational Style 174 Nongender Variables 175
Culture and Language 177 Verbal Communication Styles 177 Language and Worldview 180
Summary 182 Key Terms 182 Online Resources 183 Search Terms 183 Film and Television 184
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
viii C
O N
T E
N T
S CHAPTER SIX NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION: MESSAGES BEYOND WORDS 186 Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication 188
Nonverbal Skills Are Vital 188 All Behavior Has Communicative Value 189 Nonverbal Communication Is Primarily Relational 189 Nonverbal Communication Serves Many Functions 190 Nonverbal Communication Offers Deception Clues 192 Nonverbal Communication Is Ambiguous 193
Influences on Nonverbal Communication 195 Gender 195 Culture 196
Types of Nonverbal Communication 198 Body Movement 198 Voice 202 Touch 205 Appearance 206 Physical Space 208 Physical Environment 210 Time 210
Summary 212 Key Terms 212 Online Resources 213 Search Terms 213 Film and Television 214
CHAPTER SEVEN LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 216 Listening Defined 219
Hearing versus Listening 219 Mindless Listening 219 Mindful Listening 220
Elements in the Listening Process 221 Hearing 221 Attending 221 Understanding 222 Responding 222 Remembering 222
The Challenge of Listening 224 Types of Ineffective Listening 224 Why We Don’t Listen Better 225 Meeting the Challenge of Listening Better 227
Types of Listening Responses 228 Prompting 229 Questioning 230 Paraphrasing 231 Supporting 235 Analyzing 238 Advising 238 Judging 240 Choosing the Best Listening Response 240
Summary 244 Key Terms 244 Online Resources 245 Search Terms 245 Film and Television 246
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
ix
C on
ten ts
PART III LOOKING AT RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
CHAPTER EIGHT COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS 248 Why We Form Relationships 250
Appearance 250 Similarity 251 Complementarity 252 Reciprocal Attraction 253 Competence 253 Disclosure 253 Proximity 254 Rewards 254
Models of Relational Dynamics 255 A Developmental Perspective 255 A Dialectical Perspective 262
Characteristics of Relationships 266 Relationships Are Constantly Changing 267 Relationships Are Affected by Culture 267
Communicating about Relationships 268 Content and Relational Messages 268 Types of Relational Messages 269 Metacommunication 271
Summary 272 Key Terms 272 Online Resources 273 Search Terms 273 Film and Television 274
CHAPTER NINE INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS 276 Intimacy in Close Relationships 278
Dimensions of Intimacy 278 Masculine and Feminine Intimacy Styles 279 Cultural Influences on Intimacy 281 Intimacy in Mediated Communication 282 The Limits of Intimacy 283
Communication in Families 284 Characteristics of Family Communication 284 Families as Systems 286 Communication Patterns Within Families 287
Communication in Friendships 290 Types of Friendships 290 Sex, Gender, and Friendship 291 Friendship and Social Media 294
Communication in Romantic Relationships 294 Romantic Turning Points 295 Couples’ Conflict Styles 295 Languages of Love 297
Improving Close Relationships 298 Relationships Require Commitment 299 Relationships Require Maintenance and Support 299 Repairing Damaged Relationships 302
Summary 306 Key Terms 306
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
x C
O N
T E
N T
S Online Resources 307 Search Terms 307 Film and Television 308
CHAPTER TEN IMPROVING COMMUNICATION CLIMATES 310 Communication Climate and Confirming Messages 312
Levels of Message Confirmation 312 How Communication Climates Develop 317
Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies 319 Face-Threatening Acts 319 Preventing Defensiveness in Others 320
Saving Face 326 The Assertive Message Format 326 Responding Nondefensively to Criticism 332
Summary 340 Key Terms 340 Online Resources 341 Search Terms 341 Film and Television 342
CHAPTER ELEVEN MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS 344 The Nature of Conflict 346
Conflict Defined 346 Conflict Is Natural 348 Conflict Can Be Beneficial 348
Conflict Styles 348 Avoiding (Lose–Lose) 349 Accommodating (Lose–Win) 350 Competing (Win–Lose) 351 Compromising (Partial Lose–Lose) 354 Collaborating (Win–Win) 356 Which Style to Use? 356
Conflict in Relational Systems 358 Complementary, Symmetrical, and Parallel Styles 358 Destructive Conflict Patterns: The Four Horsemen 360 Conflict Rituals 360
Variables in Conflict Styles 362 Gender 362 Culture 363
Constructive Conflict Skills 364 Collaborative Problem Solving 365 Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answers 368
Summary 372 Key Terms 372 Online Resources 373 Search Terms 373 Film and Television 374
Endnotes 376 Feature Box Notes 407 Glossary 409 Name Index 416 Subject Index 419
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
xi
Preface
In a world where change seems like the only constant, some truths about education endure. Talented and inspiring professors can transform lives. Learning is best when there’s a connection between abstract ideas and the student’s own life. Interaction makes learning more effective and exciting. And, we believe, textbooks—whether in print or digital form—continue to play an important role by organizing course material into a coherent whole that reinforces and expands on information presented in class and online.
What’s Familiar This edition of Looking Out/Looking In retains the elements that have made it the best- selling interpersonal communication textbook for over four decades, used by over one million students. As always, the user-friendly approach connects scholarship and everyday life. Virtually every page spread contains an attention-grabbing assortment of materials that support the text: articles from print and online sources, poetry, car- toons, photography, and profiles of popular films and television shows. A prominent treatment of ethical issues helps readers explore how to communicate in a principled manner. An extensive package of ancillary resources (described below) aims at helping students learn and instructors teach efficiently and effectively.
Looking Out/Looking In presents communication not as a collection of techniques we use on others, but as a process we engage in with them. Readers also learn that even the most competent communication doesn’t always seek to create warm, fuzzy relationships, and that even less personal interaction usually has the best chance of success when handled in a constructive, respectful manner.
The discussion of gender and culture is integrated throughout the book, rather than being isolated in separate chapters. The treatment of these important topics is non-ideological, citing research that shows how other variables are often at least as important in shaping interaction. The basic focus of the chapters has remained con- stant, and Chapters 2 through 11 can be covered in whatever order works best for individual situations.
New to This Edition Users of Looking Out/Looking In will find that the new edition has been improved in several ways while remaining true to its approach.
In response to many requests, the new Chapter 9 focuses on communication in the types of close relationships that matter most: with family, friends, and
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
xii P
R E
F A
C E
romantic partners. In addition, this chapter retains information about the various ways intimacy can be expressed. This new chapter concludes with guidelines for managing communication in all types of close relationships.
Material on self-disclosure is now in Chapter 2, where it fits most logically with the topics of self and identity management.
Most notably, coverage of social media has expanded to reflect the importance of mediated communication in personal relationships. For example, Chapter 1 includes a new section on competence in social media, Chapter 2 expands coverage of online impression management, and Chapter 8 explains how social media both shapes personal relationships and how people misrepresent themselves online. A reading in Chapter 2 describes the tensions that arise when parents try to connect with their children on Facebook. In Chapter 8, a young man with cerebral palsy describes how social media has opened doors for him to create and sustain relationships. In addition to in-text material, a bonus chapter dedicated to mediated communication, written by David DeAndrea of Ohio State University and Stephanie Tom Tong of Wayne State University, provides additional coverage of this important topic. To learn more about including the bonus chapter as part of a custom learning solution, please contact your Cengage Learning sales representative.
In addition to social media, every chapter describes updated research on inter- personal communication. For example, Chapter 1 updates the relationship between communication and physical health. Chapter 3 explains how expectations influence perception. Chapter 9 contains new material on relational maintenance and support. Chapter 11 includes an expanded discussion of toxic messages that can pollute a relationship. A new bonus chapter on military communication by Brandi Frisby is also available for inclusion as part of a custom learning solution, which you can learn more about by contacting your Cengage Learning sales representative.
This edition is loaded with examples that depict how communication operates in a variety of relationships. Television profiles include comedies like Parks and Recre- ation, How I Met Your Mother, and The Office; reality shows including Intervention, The Bachelor, and Undercover Boss; and dramas such as Mad Men, Parenthood, Glee, Downton Abbey, and Modern Family. Many other profiles come from popular films including The Invention of Lying, Easy A, The Hangover, The Artist, Irreconcilable Differences, Friends With Benefits, The Hunger Games, and the Harry Potter series.
Compelling readings have distinguished Looking Out/Looking In from the beginning. This edition features a new lineup that shows how principles in the text operate in a wide range of settings and relationships. For example, in Chapter 2, an observant dinner guest explains how even casual messages can shape the self-concept of young children. In Chapter 4, a self-confident introvert offers insights on—and appreciation of—people who prefer to observe instead of talk. In Chapter 5, a mother explains how labels make a dif- ference for describing her special needs daughter. Chapter 7 includes an essay explaining what messages are—and aren’t—helpful when confronting someone grieving over a loss. Chapter 11 includes insights about how “paying it forward” pays in the business world.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
xiii
P refaceThroughout the book, Looking at Diversity profiles—many new to this edition—provide
first-person accounts by communicators from a wide range of backgrounds. In Chapter 1, a man born and raised in Europe describes the challenges of communicating across cultures. Chapter 5 offers the perspective of a healthcare clinician whose job requires her and her associates to translate patients’ needs from Spanish to English. In Chapter 7, an intercultural scholar explains how listening responses in South Korea, where he was raised, are different from those in the United States. And Chapter 9 describes the challenges faced by a family in which the parents and children are from different races.
In-Text Learning Resources Every chapter contains a variety of resources to help students understand and use the prin- ciples introduced in the text. These include:
Looking at Diversity , many new to this edition, provide first-person accounts by communicators from a wide range of cultural, physical, ethnic, and occupa- tional backgrounds. These profiles help readers appreciate that interpersonal communication is shaped by who you are and where you come from.
On the Job in every chapter highlight the importance of interpersonal com- munication in the workplace. Grounded in scholarly research, these sidebars equip readers with communication strategies that will enhance career success.
In Real Life describe how the skills and concepts from the text sound in everyday life. Seeing real people use the skills in familiar situations gives students both the modeling and confidence to try them in their own relationships. Drama- tized versions of many of these transcripts are featured in the Looking Out/Looking In online resources described below.
in every chapter help readers engage with important concepts. They are labeled by type: Pause and Reflect (formerly Invitation to Insight) boxes help readers understand how theory and research apply to their own lives. Skill Builders help them improve their communication skills. Ethical Challenges offer wisdom about dilemmas that communicators face as they pursue their own goals.
Other Teaching and Learning Resources Along with the text itself, Looking Out/Looking In is accompanied by an extensive array of materials that will make teaching and learning more efficient and effective. : If you want your students to have access to the online resources for this text, please be sure to order them for your course. The content in these resources can be bundled with every new copy of the text or ordered separately. If you do not order them, your students will not have access to the online resources for the start of class. Contact your local Wads worth Cengage Learning sales representative for more details.
The Looking Out/Looking In is available for instructors who are interested in an alternate version of the book. Part of the Cengage Learning Advantage Series, this version of the book is paperback and black and white, and it offers a built- in student workbook at the end of each chapter that has perforated pages so material can be submitted as homework.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
xiv P
R E
F A
C E
The has been revised by Justin Braxton-Brown, Hopkins- ville Community College. It contains a wealth of resources to help students understand and master concepts and skills introduced in the text.
The more you study, the better the results. Make the most of your study time by accessing everything you need to succeed in one place. The
for Looking Out/Looking In includes these features.
The Looking Out/Looking In provides students with inter- active exercises, highlighting and bookmarking tools, search tools, and an online text-specific activity manual. The Student Activities Manual contains a wealth of resources to help students understand and master concepts and skills introduced in the text.
feature real-life communication scenarios, which allow students to watch and analyze videos of communication encounters that illustrate concepts discussed in the book. In addition, Interpersonal Simulations ask students to consider the consequences of their choices in hypothetical interper- sonal situations.
provide unscripted clips of students talking about their struggles and successes in college. Topics covered include taking notes to improve your grades, time management, and learning styles.
is a virtual library featuring more than 18 million reliable, full-length articles from five thousand academic and popular periodicals that can be retrieved almost instantly.
, and more.
Go to CengageBrain.com to access these resources, and look for this icon to find resources related to your text in Speech Communication CourseMate.
The CengageBrain.com, is a single destination for more than 15,000 new print textbooks, textbook rentals, eBooks, single eChapters, and print and digital tools. CengageBrain.com provides freedom to purchase Cengage Learning Products á la carte—exactly what you need, when you need it. Visit CengageBrain.com for details.
A comprehensive , revised by Heidi Murphy, Central New Mexico Community College, provides tips and tools for both new and experi- enced instructors. The manual also contains hard copy of over 1,200 class-tested exam questions, indexed by page number and level of understanding.
The contains an electronic version of the Instructor’s Resource Manual, ExamView® Computerized Testing, predesigned Microsoft Power- Point® presentations, and JoinIn® classroom quizzing. The PowerPoint presentations contain text, images, and videos of student speeches and can be used as they are or customized to suit your course needs.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
xv
P reface
include additional sce- narios covering interviewing and group work. Contact your Wadsworth Cengage Learning sales representative for details.
Communication in Film III: Teaching Communication Courses Using Feature Films by Russell F. Proctor II, Northern Kentucky University, expands on the film tips in each chapter of Looking Out/Looking In. This guide provides detailed suggestions for using both new and classic films to illustrate communication principles introduced in the text.
Media Guide for Interpersonal Communication by Charles G. Apple, University of Michigan-Flint, provides faculty with media resource listings focused on general inter- personal communication topics. Each listing provides compelling examples of how interpersonal communication concepts are illustrated in particular films, books, plays, websites, or journal articles. Discussion questions are provided.
The Teaching Assistant’s Guide to the Basic Course by Katherine G. Hendrix, Univer- sity of Memphis, is based on leading communication teacher training programs and covers general teaching and course management topics, as well as specific strategies for communication instruction, such as providing effective feedback on performance, managing sensitive class discussions, and conducting mock interviews.
A Guide to the Basic Course for ESL Students by Esther Yook, Mary Washington Col- lege, is available bundled with the text and assists the nonnative English speaker. It features FAQs, helpful URLs, and strategies for accent management and overcoming speech apprehension.
The Art and Strategy of Service Learning by Rick Isaacson and Jeff Saperstein can be bundled with the text and is an invaluable resource for students in a basic course that integrates a service-learning component. The handbook provides guidelines for con- necting service learning work with classroom concepts and advice for working effec- tively with agencies and organizations. The handbook also provides model forms and reports and a directory of online resources.
can help you get trained, get connected, and get the support you need for the seamless integration of digital resources into your course. This unparalleled technology service and training program provides robust online resources, peer-to-peer instruction, personalized training, and a customizable program you can count on. Visit cengagebrain.com/coursecare/ to sign up for online seminars, first day of class services, technical support, or personalized, face-to-face training. Our online and onsite trainings are frequently led by one of our Lead Teachers, faculty members who are experts in using Wadsworth Cengage Learning technology and can provide best practices and teaching tips.
As part of our , you can add your personal touch to Looking Out/Looking In with a course-specific cover and up to 32 pages of your own content at no additional cost. Create a text as unique as your course: quickly, simply, and afford- ably. Two bonus chapters unique to Looking Out/Looking In are available now: one about computer-mediated communication, the other about communication and the military.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
xvi P
R E
F A
C E
Acknowledgments We are grateful to the many people who helped bring you this new edition. Thanks are due to the colleagues whose reviews helped shape this new edition: Ronald Biddle, Clovis Community College; Jack Byer, Bucks County Community College; Jan Caldwell, Asheville- Buncombe Technical Community College; Linda Di Desidero, University of Maryland University College; Donna Ditton, Ivy Tech Community College; Clark Friesen, Lone Star College-Tomball; Laura Garcia, Washington State Community College; Julie Simanski, Des Moines Area Community College; Walt Thielen, Paradise Valley Community College; and Joseph Valenzano, University of Nevada-Las Vegas.
We are grateful to the authors of the bonus chapters that accompany this edition: Brandi Frisby of the University of Kentucky, as well as David DeAndrea of Ohio State Uni- versity and Stephanie Tom Tong of Wayne State University. We also thank Heather Burns for her suggestions on television programs and films.
Our thanks also go to the hardworking team at Cengage Learning who have played a role in this edition from start to finish: Monica Eckman, Michael Lepera, Jessica Badiner, Colin Solan, Kara Kindstrom, Justin Lacap, and Ben Rivera. In addition, we are grateful to the publishing professionals who helped with this edition: Christopher Black, Jennifer Bonnar, Eric Zeiter, Aaron Kantor, Steven Summerlight, Lucy Campos, and Rita Dienst. We are especially indebted to Janet Alleyn for designing the handsome book you are reading, and to Sherri Adler for selecting the photos that help make it unique.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
About the Authors Since this is a book about interpersonal communication, it seems appropriate for us to introduce ourselves to you, the reader. The “we” you’ll be reading throughout this book isn’t just an editorial device: It refers to two real people—Ron Adler and Russ Proctor.
lives in Santa Barbara, California, with his wife, Sherri, an artist and photo researcher who selected most of the images in this book. Their three adult children were infants when early editions of Looking Out/Looking In were conceived, and they grew up as guinea pigs for the field testing of many concepts in this book. If you asked them, they would vouch for the value of the information between these covers.
Ron spends most of his professional time writing about communication. In addition to helping create Looking Out/Looking In, he has contributed to six other books about topics including business communication, public speaking, small group communication, asser- tiveness, and social skills. Besides writing and teaching, Ron teaches college courses and helps professional and business people improve their communication on the job. Cycling and hiking help keep Ron physically and emotionally healthy.
is a professor at Northern Kentucky University, where his sons R. P. and Randy both attended. Russ’s wife, Pam, is an educator too, training teachers, students, and businesses to use energy more efficiently.
Russ met Ron at a communication conference in 1990, where they quickly discovered a shared interest in using feature films as a teaching tool. They have written and spoken extensively on this topic over the years, and they have also co-authored several textbooks and articles. When Russ isn’t teaching, writing, or presenting, his hobbies include sports (especially baseball), classic rock music (especially Steely Dan), and cooking (especially for family and friends on his birthday each year).
1
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
M as
te rfi
le
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
C H
A P
T E
R O
N EA First Look at Interpersonal Communication
Here are the topics discussed in this chapter:
Why We Communicate Physical Needs Identity Needs Social Needs Practical Goals
The Process of Communication A Linear View A Transactional View Interpersonal and Impersonal Communication
Communication Principles and Misconceptions Communication Principles Communication Misconceptions
Social Media and Interpersonal Communication Benefits of Social Media Challenges of Social Media
What Makes an Effective Communicator? Communication Competence Defined Characteristics of Competent Communicators Competence in Intercultural Communication Competence in Social Media
Summary Key Terms Online Resources Search Terms Film and Television
After studying the topics in this chapter, you should be able to:
1. Assess the needs (physical, identity, social, and practical) that communicators are attempting to satisfy in a given situation or relationship.
2. Apply the transactional communication model to a specific situation.
3. Describe how the communication principles and misconceptions identified in this chap- ter are evident in a specific situation.
4. Describe the degree to which communica- tion (in a specific instance or a relationship) is qualitatively impersonal or interpersonal, and describe the consequences of this level of interaction.
5. Diagnose the effectiveness of various com- munication channels in a specific situation.
6. Determine the level of communication competence in a specific instance or a relationship.
3
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
4 C
H A
P T
E R
O N
E erhaps you played this game as a child. The group of children chooses a victim— either as punishment for committing a real or imagined offense or just for “fun.”
Then for a period of time, that victim is given the silent treatment. No one speaks to him or her, and no one responds to anything the victim says or does.
If you were the subject of this silent treatment, you probably experienced a range of emotions. At first you might have felt—or at least acted—indifferent. But after a while
the strain of being treated as a nonperson probably began to grow. If the game went on long enough, it’s likely you found yourself either retreating into a state of depression or lashing out with hostility— partly to show your anger and partly to get a response from the others.
Adults, as well as children, have used the silent treatment in vir- tually every society throughout history as a powerful tool to express displeasure and for social control.1 We all know intuitively that communication—the company of others—is one of the most basic human needs, and that lack of contact is among the cruelest punish- ments a person can suffer.
Besides being emotionally painful, being deprived of compan- ionship is so serious that it can affect life itself. Fredrick II, emperor of Germany from 1196 to 1250, may have been the first person to prove the point systematically. A medieval historian described one of his significant, if inhumane, experiments:
He bade foster mothers and nurses to suckle the children, to bathe and wash them, but in no way to prattle with them, for he wanted to learn whether they would speak the Hebrew language, which was the oldest, or Greek, or Latin, or Arabic, or perhaps the language of their parents, of whom they had been born. But he labored in vain because all the children died. For they could not live without the petting and joyful faces and loving words of their foster mothers.*
Fortunately, contemporary researchers have found less barbaric ways to illustrate the importance of communication. In one study of isolation, subjects were paid to remain alone in a locked room. Of the five subjects, one lasted for eight days. Three held out for two days, one commenting, “Never again.” The fifth subject lasted only two hours.2
The need for contact and companionship is just as strong outside the labora- tory, as individuals who have led solitary lives by choice or necessity have discovered. W. Carl Jackson, an adventurer who sailed across the Atlantic Ocean alone in fifty-one days, summarized the feelings common to most loners:
I found the loneliness of the second month almost excruciating. I always thought of myself as self-sufficient, but I found life without people had no meaning. I had a definite need for somebody to talk to, someone real, alive, and breathing.†
Why We Communicate You might object to stories like this, claiming that solitude would be a welcome relief from the irritations of everyday life. It’s true that all of us need solitude, often more than we get, but each of us has a point beyond which we do not want to be alone. Beyond this point, solitude changes from a pleasurable to a painful condition. In other words, we all need relationships. We all need to communicate. *Ross, J. B., & McLaughlin, M. M. (Eds.). (1949). A portable medieval reader. New York, NY: Viking. †Jackson, W. C. (1978, September 7). Lonely dean finishes “excruciating” voyage. Wisconsin State Journal. Retrieved from http://newspaperarchive.com/wisconsin-state-journal/1978-09-07/page-2/. Reprinted with permission.
AP P
ho to
/J av
ie r G
al ea
no
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
5
A First Look at In
terp erson
al C om
m u
n ication
PHYSICAL NEEDS Communication is so important that its presence or absence affects physical health. In extreme cases, communication can even become a matter of life or death. When he was a Navy pilot, U.S. Senator John McCain was shot down over North Vietnam and held as a prisoner of war for six years, often in solitary confinement. He and his fellow POWs set up clandestine codes in which they sent messages by tapping on walls to laboriously spell out words. McCain describes the importance of keeping contact and the risks that inmates would take to maintain contact with one another:
The punishment for communicating could be severe, and a few POWs, having been caught and beaten for their efforts, had their spirits broken as their bodies were battered. Terri- fied of a return trip to the punishment room, they would lie still in their cells when their comrades tried to tap them up on the wall. Very few would remain uncommunicative for long. To suffer all this alone was less tolerable than torture. Withdrawing in silence from the fellowship of other Americans . . . was to us the approach of death.*
Other prisoners have also described the punishing effects of social isolation. Reflecting on his seven years as a hostage in Lebanon, former news correspondent Terry Anderson said flatly, “I would rather have had the worst companion than no companion at all.”3
The link between communication and physical well-being isn’t restricted to pris- oners. Medical researchers have identified a wide range of health threats that can result from a lack of close relationships. For instance:
A meta-analysis of nearly 150 studies and over 300,000 participants found that socially connected people—those with strong networks of family and friends—live an average of 3.7 years longer than those who are socially isolated.4
A lack of social relationships jeopardizes coronary health to a degree that rivals ciga- rette smoking, high blood pressure, blood lipids, obesity, and lack of physical activity.5
Socially isolated people are four times more susceptible to the common cold than are those who have active social networks.6
Divorced, separated, and widowed people are five to ten times more likely to need mental hospitalization than their married counterparts. Happily married people also have lower incidences of pneumonia, surgery, and cancer than do single peo- ple.7 (It’s important to note that the quality of the relationship is more important than the institution of marriage in these studies.)
By contrast, a life that includes positive relationships created through communi- cation leads to better health. As little as ten minutes per day of socializing improves memory and boosts intellectual function.8 Conversation with others reduces feelings of loneliness and its accompanying maladies.9 Stress hormones decline the more often people hear expressions of affection from loved ones.10
Research like this demonstrates the importance of having satisfying personal rela- tionships. Not everyone needs the same amount of contact, and the quality of commu- nication is almost certainly as significant as the quantity. The key point is that personal communication is essential for our well-being.
IDENTITY NEEDS Communication does more than enable us to survive. It is the way—indeed, the only way—we learn who we are. As Chapter 2 explains, our sense of identity comes from the way we interact with other people. Are we smart or stupid, attractive or ugly, skill- ful or inept? The answers to these questions don’t come from looking in the mirror. We decide who we are based on how others react to us. *McCain, J. (1999). Faith of my fathers (p. 212). New York, NY: Random House.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
6 C
H A
P T
E R
O N
E Deprived of communication with others, we would have no sense of ourselves. A dramatic example is the “Wild Boy of Aveyron,” who spent his early childhood without any apparent human contact. The boy was discovered in January 1800 digging for vegetables in a French village garden. He showed no behaviors that one would expect in a social human. The boy could not speak but rather uttered only weird cries. More significant than this lack of social skills was his lack of any identity as a human being. As author Roger Shattuck put it, “The boy had no human sense of being in the world. He had no sense of himself as a person related to other persons.”11
Only with the influence of a loving “mother” did the boy begin to behave—and, we can imagine, think of himself—as a human.
Like the boy of Aveyron, each of us enters the world with little or no sense of identity. We gain an idea of who we are from the way others define us. As Chapter 2 explains, the messages we receive in early childhood are the strongest, but the influ- ence of others continues throughout life.
SOCIAL NEEDS Besides helping to define who we are, communication provides a vital link with oth- ers. Researchers and theorists have identified a whole range of social needs that we satisfy by communicating. These include pleasure, affection, companionship, escape, relaxation, and control.12
Research suggests a strong link between effective interpersonal communication and happiness. In one study of more than 200 college students, the happiest 10 per- cent described themselves as having a rich social life. (The very happy people were no different from their classmates in any other measurable way such as amount of sleep, exercise, TV watching, religious activity, or alcohol consumption.)13 In another study, women reported that “socializing” contributed more to a satisfying life than virtually any other activity, including relaxing, shopping, eating, exercise, TV, or prayer.14 Mar- ried couples who are effective communicators report happier relationships than less skillful husbands and wives—a finding that has been supported across cultures.15
Despite knowing that communication is vital to social satisfaction, a variety of evidence suggests that many people aren’t very successful at managing their inter- personal relationships. For example, one study revealed that one-quarter of the more than 4,000 adults surveyed knew more about their dogs than they did about their neighbors’ backgrounds.16 Research also suggests that the number of friendships is in decline. One widely recognized survey reported that, in 1985, Americans had an average of 2.94 close friends. Twenty years later, that number had dropped to 2.08.17 It’s worth noting that educated Americans reported having larger and more diverse networks. In other words, a higher education can enhance your relational life as well as your intellect.
Because connections with others are so vital, some theorists maintain that positive relationships may be the single most important source of life satisfaction and emotional
In the film Up in the Air, Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) learns the hard way that life without friendship, family, and love is void of meaning. (See the film summary at the end of this chapter.)
Pa ra
m ou
nt P
ic tu
re s/
Th e
Ko ba
l C ol
le ct
io n
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
7
A First Look at In
terp erson
al C om
m u
n ication
well-being in every culture.18 If you pause now and make a mental list of your own relationships, you’ll probably see that, no matter how successfully you interact with at home, with friends, at school, and at work, there is plenty of room for improvement in your everyday life. The information that follows will help you improve the way you communicate with the people who matter most to you.
PRACTICAL GOALS Besides satisfying social needs and shaping our identity, communication is the most widely used approach to satisfying what communication scholars call goals: getting others to behave in ways we want. Some instrumental goals are quite basic: Communication is the tool that lets you tell the hair stylist to take just a little off the sides, lets you negotiate household duties, and lets you convince the plumber that the broken pipe needs attention now!
Other instrumental goals are more important. Career success is the prime exam- ple. As the On the Job box on page 8 shows, communication skills are essential in virtually every career. They can even make the difference between life and death. The Los Angeles Police Department cited “bad communication” among the most common reasons for errors in shooting by its officers.19 The ability to communicate effectively is just as essential for doctors, nurses, and other medical practitioners.20 Researchers dis- covered that “poor communication” was the root of more than 60 percent of reported medical errors—including death, serious physical injury, and psychological trauma.21 Research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association and elsewhere revealed a significant difference between the communication skills of physicians who had no malpractice claims against them and those with previous claims.22
Psychologist Abraham Maslow suggested that the physical, identity, social, and practical needs we have been discussing fall into five hierarchical categories, each of which must be satisfied before we concern ourselves with the less fundamental needs.23 The most basic of these needs are physical: sufficient air, water, food, and rest, and the ability to reproduce as a species. The second of Maslow’s needs is safety: protection from threats to our well-being. Beyond physical and safety needs are the social needs we have mentioned already. Beyond these, Maslow suggests, each of us has self-esteem needs: the desire to believe that we are worthwhile, valuable people. The final category of needs described by Maslow is self-actualization: the desire to develop our potential to the maximum, to become the best person we can be. As you read on, think about the ways in which communication is often necessary to satisfy each level of need.
The Process of Communication We have been talking about communication as though the meaning of this word were perfectly clear. Communication scholars have argued for years about communication definitions. Despite their many disagreements, most would agree that at its essence, communication is about using messages to generate meanings.24 Notice how this basic definition holds true across a variety of contexts—public speaking, small groups, mass media, etc. Before going further, we need to explain systematically what happens when people exchange messages and create meanings in interpersonal communication. Doing so will introduce you to a common working vocabulary and, at the same time, preview some of the topics that are covered in later chapters.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
8 C
H A
P T
E R
O N
E
A LINEAR VIEW In the early days of studying communication as a social science, researchers created models to illustrate the communication process. Their first attempts resulted in a lin-
, which depicts communication as something a sender “does to” a receiver. According to the linear model in Figure 1.1,
A (the person creating the message)
(puts thoughts into symbols and gestures) a
message (the information being transmitted), sending it through a
(the medium through which the message passes) to a
(the person attending to the message) who
(makes sense of the message), while contending with
noise (distractions that disrupt transmission).
Notice how the appearance of and vocabulary in Figure 1.1 represent how radio and television broadcasting operate. This isn’t a coincidence: The scientists who cre- ated it were primarily interested in early electronic media. The widespread use of this model has affected the way we think and talk about communication. There is a lin- ear, machinelike quality to familiar phrases, such as “We’re having a communication breakdown” and “I don’t think my message is getting through.” While this is some- times the case in mediated forms of communication, these familiar phrases (and the thinking they represent) obscure some important features of human communication. Does interpersonal communication really “break down,” or are people still exchang- ing information even when they’re not talking to each other? Is it possible to “get a message through” to someone loudly and clearly, but still not get the desired reaction? Here are some other questions to consider about the shortcomings of the linear model:
No matter what the field, research confirms what experienced workers already know—that commu- nication skills are crucial in finding and succeed- ing in a job. Communication skills often make the difference between being hired and being rejected. In one widely followed annual survey, employers list the skills and qualities for their ideal candidate. Communication skills always top the list, ahead of technical skills, initiative, analytical ability, and computer skills.a
In another survey, managers across the country rated the abilities to speak and listen effectively as the two most important factors in helping college graduates find jobs in a competitive workplace— more important than technical competence, work experience, and specific degree earned.b When 170 well-known business and industrial firms were asked to list the most common reasons for not
Communication and Career Success
offering jobs to applicants, the most frequent replies were “inability to communicate” and “poor communication skills.”c
Once you have been hired, the need for com- munication skills is important in virtually every career.d Engineers spend the bulk of their working lives speaking and listening, mostly in one-to-one and small-group settings.e Accoun- tants and the firms that hire them consistently cite effective communication as essential for career success.f One executive at computer giant Sun Microsystems made the point force- fully: “If there’s one skill that’s required for suc- cess in this industry, it’s communication skills.”g Writing in The Scientist, a commentator echoed this sentiment: “If I give any advice, it is that you can never do enough training around your overall communication skills.”h
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
9
A First Look at In
terp erson
al C om
m u
n ication
When you’re having a face-to-face conversation with a friend, is there only one sender and one receiver, or do both of you send and receive messages simultaneously? Do you purposely encode every message you send, or do you engage in some behaviors unconsciously that still communicate messages to others? Even when you send a message electronically (e.g., through texting or email), is the message’s meaning affected by larger factors such as culture, environment, and relational history?
These and other questions have led scholars to create models that better represent interpersonal communication. We will look at one of these models now.
A TRANSACTIONAL VIEW A (Figure 1.2) updates and expands the linear model to better capture communication as a uniquely human process. Some concepts and terms from the linear model are retained in the transactional model, whereas oth- ers are enhanced, added, or eliminated.
The transactional model uses the word communicator instead of sender and receiver. This term reflects the fact that people typically send and receive messages simultane- ously and not in a unidirectional or back-and-forth manner, as suggested by the linear model. Consider, for example, what might happen when you and a housemate negoti- ate how to handle household chores. As soon as you begin to hear (receive) the words sent by your housemate, “I want to talk about cleaning the kitchen . . . ,” you grimace and clench your jaw (sending a nonverbal message of your own while receiving the verbal one). This reaction leads your housemate to interrupt herself defensively, send- ing a new message: “Now wait a minute . . . .”
NoiseNoiseNoise
NoiseNoiseNoise
(sends and receives)
(sends and receives)
Communicator Communicator
Channel(s) Channel(s)Channel(s) Channel(s)
A's ENVIRONMENT B's ENVIRONMENT
Messages
FIGURE 1.2 Transactional Communication Model © Cengage Learning
A LINEAR VIEW In the early days of studying communication as a social science, researchers created models to illustrate the communication process. Their first attempts resulted in a lin-
, which depicts communication as something a sender “does to” a receiver. According to the linear model in Figure 1.1,
A (the person creating the message)
(puts thoughts into symbols and gestures) a
message (the information being transmitted), sending it through a
(the medium through which the message passes) to a
(the person attending to the message) who
(makes sense of the message), while contending with
noise (distractions that disrupt transmission).
Notice how the appearance of and vocabulary in Figure 1.1 represent how radio and television broadcasting operate. This isn’t a coincidence: The scientists who cre- ated it were primarily interested in early electronic media. The widespread use of this model has affected the way we think and talk about communication. There is a lin- ear, machinelike quality to familiar phrases, such as “We’re having a communication breakdown” and “I don’t think my message is getting through.” While this is some- times the case in mediated forms of communication, these familiar phrases (and the thinking they represent) obscure some important features of human communication. Does interpersonal communication really “break down,” or are people still exchang- ing information even when they’re not talking to each other? Is it possible to “get a message through” to someone loudly and clearly, but still not get the desired reaction? Here are some other questions to consider about the shortcomings of the linear model:
NoiseNoiseNoise
NoiseNoiseNoise
Message Channel(s)Channel(s) ReceiverSender
FIGURE 1.1 Linear Communication Model © Cengage Learning
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
10 C
H A
P T
E R
O N
E A transactional model also shows that communicators often occupy different —fields of experience that affect how they understand others’ behavior.
In communication terminology, environment refers not only to a physical location but also to the personal experiences and cultural background that participants bring to a conversation.
Consider just some of the factors that might contribute to different environments:
Person A might belong to one ethnic group and person B to another. A might be rich and B poor. A might be rushed and B have nowhere to go. A might have lived a long, eventful life and B might be young and inexperienced. A might be passionately concerned with the subject and B indifferent to it.
Notice how the model in Figure 1.2 shows that the environments of individuals A and B overlap. This area represents the background that the communicators have in common. As the shared environment becomes smaller, communication usually becomes more challenging. Consider a few examples in which different perspectives can make understanding difficult:
Bosses who have trouble understanding the perspectives of their employees will be less effective managers, and workers who do not appreciate the challenges of being a boss are more likely to be uncooperative (and probably less suitable for advancement). Parents who have trouble recalling their youth are likely to clash with their chil- dren, who have never known and may not appreciate the responsibility that comes with parenting. Members of a dominant culture who have never experienced how it feels to be marginalized may not appreciate the concerns of people from minority co-cultures, whose own perspectives make it hard to understand the cultural blindness of the majority.
Communication channels retain a significant role in the transactional model, as they did in the linear model. Although it’s tempting to see channels simply as neutral conduits for delivering a message, a closer look reveals the important role they play. For instance, should you say “I love you” in person? Over the phone? In a text mes- sage? By renting space on a billboard? By sending flowers and a card? Via email? In a voice mail? Channel selection matters just as much when sending breakup messages. A study of 1,000 cell phone users found that 45 percent had used their mobile phone to end a relationship (usually by text).25 Obviously, this way of delivering bad news runs the risk of wounding and infuriating the person being dumped (“She didn’t even have the guts to tell me to my face”).
The transactional model also retains the concept of noise but with a broader focus. In the linear model, the focus is on noise in the channel—what is known as external noise. For instance, loud music or too much cigarette smoke in a crowded room might make it difficult for you to pay attention to another person. The transactional model shows that noise also resides within communicators. This includes physiological noise, which involves biological factors that interfere with accurate reception: illness, fatigue, hearing loss, and so on. Communicators can also encounter psychological noise: forces within that interfere with the ability to understand a message accurately. For instance, a student might become so upset upon learning that she failed a test that she would be unable (perhaps unwilling is a better word) to understand clearly where she went wrong. Psychological noise is such an important communication problem that we have devoted much of Chapter 10 to investigating its most common form, defensiveness.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
11
A First Look at In
terp erson
al C om
m u
n ication
For all the insights they offer, models can’t capture some important features of interpersonal communication. A model is a “snapshot,” while communication more closely resembles a “motion picture.” In real life it’s difficult to isolate a single discrete “act” of communication from the events that precede and follow it.26 Consider the “Zits” cartoon on this page. If you read only the final frame, it appears that Jeremy is the victim of his mother’s nagging. If you then read the first three frames, you might conclude that if Jeremy were more responsive to his mother, she might not need to be so persistent. And if you watched the two of them interact over the days and weeks preceding the incident in this cartoon, you would have a larger (but still incomplete) picture of the relational history that contributed to this event. In other words, the com- munication pattern that Jeremy and his mother have created together contributes to the quality of their relationship.
This leads to another important point: Transactional communication isn’t some- thing that we do to others; rather, it is an activity that we do with them. In this sense, interpersonal communication is rather like dancing—at least the kind of dancing we do with partners. Like dancing, communication depends on the involvement of a partner. And like good dancing, successful communication doesn’t depend only on the person who takes the lead. A great dancer who forgets to consider and adapt to the skill level of his or her partner can make both people look bad. In communica- tion and dancing, even having two talented partners doesn’t guarantee success. When two skilled dancers perform without coordinating their movements, the results feel bad to the dancers and look foolish to an audience. Finally, relational communication—like dancing— is a unique creation that arises out of the way in which the partners interact. The way you dance probably varies from one partner to another. Like- wise, the way you communicate almost certainly varies from one partner to another.
Now we can summarize the definition of that we have been
developing. It is a transactional process involving participants who occupy different but overlapping environments and create relationships through the exchange of messages, many of which are affected by external, physiological, and psychological noise. Whether or not you memorize this definition is a matter for you and your instructor to decide. In any case, notice how it reflects a more sophis- ticated view of the process than you might have had before reading this far. With this definition in
Ki ng
F ea
tu re
s ©
Z its
P ar
tn er
sh ip
20 th
C en
tu ry
F ox
/T ep
pe r,
Ra nd
y/ Th
e Ko
ba l C
ol le
ct io
n
The relationships among the characters on the television show How I Met Your Mother illustrate the transactional nature of interpersonal communication. (See the TV summary at the end of this chapter.)
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
12 C
H A
P T
E R
O N
E mind, let’s look at how interpersonal communication differs from less personal kinds of interaction.
INTERPERSONAL AND IMPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Scholars have characterized interpersonal communication in a number of ways.27 The most obvious definition focuses on the number of people involved. A quantitative defi- nition of interpersonal communication includes any interaction between two people, usually face to face. Social scientists call two interacting people a , and they often use the adjective dyadic to describe this type of communication. So, in a quantitative sense, the terms dyadic communication and interpersonal communication can be used interchangeably. Using a quantitative definition, a salesclerk and customer or a police officer ticketing a speeding driver would be examples of interpersonal acts, whereas a teacher and class or a performer and audience would not.
You can probably see the problems with a quantitative definition of interpersonal communication. For example, consider a routine transaction between a salesclerk and customer or the rushed exchange when you ask a stranger on the street for directions. Communication of this sort hardly seems interpersonal—or personal in any sense of the word. In fact, after transactions like this, we commonly remark, “I might as well have been talking to a machine.”
The impersonal nature of some two-person exchanges and the personal nature of others have led some scholars to argue that quality, not quantity, is what distinguishes interpersonal communication.28 Taking a qualitative approach, interpersonal commu- nication occurs when people treat one another as unique individuals, regardless of the context in which the interaction occurs or the number of people involved. When quality of interaction is the criterion, the opposite of interpersonal communication is
, not group, public, or mass communication. Several features distinguish qualitatively interpersonal communication from less-
personal communication.29 The first feature is uniqueness. Communication in imper- sonal exchanges is determined by social rules (e.g., laugh politely at others’ jokes, don’t dominate a conversation) and by social roles (e.g., the customer is always right, be especially polite to senior citizens). Qualitatively interpersonal relationships are characterized by the development of unique rules and roles. For example, in one relationship you might exchange good-natured insults, whereas in another you are careful never to offend your partner. Likewise, you might handle conflicts with one friend or family member by expressing disagreements as soon as they arise, whereas the unwritten rule in another relationship is to withhold resentments until they build up and then clear the air periodically. One communication scholar uses the term rela- tional culture to describe people in close relationships who create their own unique ways of interacting.30
A second feature of qualitatively interpersonal relationships is irreplaceability. Because interpersonal relationships are unique, they have no substitute. This explains why we usually feel so sad when a close friendship or love affair cools down. We know that no matter how many other relationships fill our lives, none of them will ever be quite like the one that just ended.
Interdependence is a third feature of qualitatively interpersonal relationships. At the most basic level, the fate of the partners is connected. You might be able to brush off the anger, affection, excitement, or depression of someone you’re not involved with personally, but in an interpersonal relationship the other’s life affects you. Sometimes interdependence is a pleasure, and at other times it is a burden. In either case, it is a fact of life in qualitatively interpersonal relationships. Interdependence goes beyond
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
13
A First Look at In
terp erson
al C om
m u
n ication
the level of joined fates. In interpersonal relationships, our very identity depends on the nature of our interaction with others. As psychologist Kenneth Gergen puts it: “One cannot be ‘attractive’ without others who are attracted, a ‘leader’ without others willing to follow, or a ‘loving person’ without others to affirm with appreciation.”31
MARTIN BUBER’S I AND THOU Martin Buber is arguably the most influential advocate of qualitatively inter- personal communication, as defined on pages 12–15. His book Ich und Du (I and Thou) is a worldwide classic, selling millions of copies since its publica- tion in 1922.a
Buber states that “I-It” and “I-Thou” represent two ways in which humans can relate to one another. “I-It” relationships are stable, predictable, detached. In an “I-It” mode we deal with people because they can do things for us: pump gas, laugh at our jokes, buy products we are selling, provide information or amusement. “I-It” is also the approach of science, which attempts to understand what makes people tick in order to explain, pre- dict, and control their behavior. Buber would have regarded advertisers as operating in an “I-It” mode, crafting messages that lead people to buy their products or services. “I-It” relationships exist in personal relationships as well as impersonal ones: On an everyday basis, parents and children, bosses and employees, service providers and customers—even lovers—deal with one another as objects (“I wish she would leave me alone.” “Can you pick me up after work?” “How can I get him/her to love me?”).
In profound contrast to “I-It” relationships, Buber described an “I-Thou” way of interacting. “I-Thou” relationships are utterly unique. Because no two teachers or students, parents or children, husbands or wives, bosses or employees are alike, we encounter each person as an individual and not as a member of some category. An “I-Thou” posture goes further: Not only are people different from one another, but also they change from moment to moment. An “I-Thou” rela- tionship arises out of how we are now, not how we might have been yesterday or even a moment ago. In an “I-Thou” relationship, persuasion and control are out of the question: We certainly may explain our point of view, but ultimately we respect the fact that others are free to act.
Buber acknowledges that it is impossible to create and sustain pure “I-Thou” relationships. But without this qualitatively interpersonal level of contact, our lives are impoverished. To paraphrase Buber, without “I-It” we cannot exist, but if we live only with “I-It,” we are not fully human.
Think of your most important relationships: 1. To what degree can they be described as “I-Thou” or “I-It”? 2. How satisfied are you with this level of relating? 3. What obligation do you have to treat others in an “I-Thou” manner?
Based on your answers to these questions, how might you change your style of communication?
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
14 C
H A
P T
E R
O N
E
A fourth feature of interpersonal relationships is often (though not always) the amount of disclosure of personal information. In impersonal relationships we don’t reveal much about ourselves, but in interpersonal relationships we feel more comfort- able sharing our thoughts and feelings. This doesn’t mean that all interpersonal rela- tionships are warm and caring, or that all self-disclosure is positive. It’s possible to reveal negative, personal information: “I’m really angry with you.” The point is, we tend to reserve these kinds of disclosures—both positive and negative—for our more personal relationships.
A fifth feature of interpersonal communication is intrinsic rewards. In impersonal communication we seek payoffs that have little to do with the people involved. You lis- ten to instructors in class or talk to potential buyers of your used car in order to reach goals that usually have little to do with developing personal relationships. By contrast, you spend time in qualitatively interpersonal relationships with friends, lovers, and others because you find the time personally rewarding. It often doesn’t matter what you talk about: The relationship itself is what’s important.
Because relationships that are unique, irreplaceable, interdependent, disclosing, and intrinsically rewarding are rare, qualitatively interpersonal communication is rela- tively scarce. We chat pleasantly with shopkeepers or fellow passengers on the bus or plane; we discuss the weather or current events with most classmates and neighbors; we enjoy bantering with online acquaintances on social networking websites; but con- sidering the number of people with whom we communicate, personal relationships are by far in the minority.
Some observers argue that communicators who strive to acquire a large number of “friends” on social networking websites like Facebook and Twitter are engaging in superficial, impersonal relationships. As one critic put it:
The idea . . . is to attain as many of these not really-friends as possible. . . . Like cheap wine, “friends” provide a high that can only be sustained by acquiring more and more of them. Quantity trumps quality.32
Most relationships aren’t either interpersonal or impersonal. Rather, they fall some- where on a continuum between these two extremes. Your own experience probably reveals that there’s often a personal element in even the most impersonal situations.
HOW PERSONAL ARE YOUR FACEBOOK RELATIONSHIPS? If you’re a Facebook user, scroll through your list of friends on that site. Con- sider how personal (or impersonal) your relationships are with those people:
“highly impersonal”? (Perhaps you can rank them on a scale of 1 to 10.) -
dent, disclosing, and intrinsically rewarding) affect your appraisals?
exclusively on Facebook? Through other mediated channels (phone, text, email)? Face to face? How does this ratio affect your friendships?
You can complete this activity by visiting CengageBrain.com to access the Speech Communication CourseMate for Looking Out/ Looking In, and, if requested, email your responses to your instructor.
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
15
A First Look at In
terp erson
al C om
m u
n ication
You might appreciate the unique sense of humor of a grocery checker or connect on a personal level with the person cutting your hair. And even the most tyrannical, demanding, by-the-book boss might show an occasional flash of humanity.
Just as there’s a personal element in many impersonal settings, there is also an impersonal element in our relationships with the people we care most about. There are occasions when we don’t want to be personal: when we’re distracted, tired, busy, or just not interested. Sometimes all we want to know about certain friends is what they post on social media sites. In fact, interpersonal communication is rather like rich food—it’s fine in moderation, but too much can make you uncomfortable.
Most of us don’t have the time or energy to create highly personal relationships with everyone we encounter, either in person or via social media. In fact, the scarcity of qualitatively interpersonal communication contributes to its value. Like precious jewels and one-of-a-kind artwork, interpersonal relationships are special because of their scarcity.
Communication Principles and Misconceptions
Now that we’ve looked at definitions and approaches to communication, it’s important to identify some principles of interpersonal interaction—and what communication can and can’t accomplish.
COMMUNICATION PRINCIPLES It’s possible to draw several important conclusions about communication from what you have already learned in this chapter.
Communication Can Be Intentional or Unintentional Some communication is clearly intentional: You probably plan your words carefully before asking the boss for a raise or offering constructive criticism. Some scholars argue that only intentional messages like these qualify as communication. Others contend that even uninten- tional behavior is communicative. Suppose, for instance, that a friend overhears you muttering complaints to yourself. Even though you didn’t intend for her to hear your remarks, they certainly did carry a message. In addition to these slips of the tongue, we unintentionally send many nonverbal messages. You might not be aware of your sour expression, impatient shifting, or sigh of boredom, but others view them nonethe- less. Scholars have debated without reaching consensus about whether unintentional behavior should be considered communication, and it’s unlikely that they will ever settle this issue.33 In Looking Out/Looking In, we will look at the communicative value of both intentional and unintentional behavior.
It’s Impossible Not to Communicate Because both intentional and unintentional behaviors send a message, many theorists agree that it is impossible not to commu- nicate. Whatever you do—whether you speak or remain silent, confront or avoid, act emotional or keep a poker face—you provide information to others about your thoughts and feelings. In this sense we are like transmitters that can’t be shut off.
Of course, the people who decode your message may not interpret it accurately. They might take your kidding seriously or underestimate your feelings, for example. The message that you intend to convey may not even resemble the one that others infer from your actions. Thus, when we talk about “a communication breakdown” or “miscommunication,” we rarely mean that communication has ended. Instead, we mean that it is inaccurate, ineffective, or unsatisfying.34
Copyright 2012 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part.
16 C
H A
P T
E R
| Writer | Writer Name | Amount | Client Comments & Rating |
|---|---|---|---|
ONLINE |
Instant Homework Helper |
$36 |
She helped me in last minute in a very reasonable price. She is a lifesaver, I got A+ grade in my homework, I will surely hire her again for my next assignments, Thumbs Up! |
Custom Original Solution And Get A+ Grades
Custom Original Solution And Get A+ Grades
Custom Original Solution And Get A+ Grades
| Writer | Writer Name | Offer | Chat |
|---|---|---|---|
ONLINE |
Engineering SolutionsHello, I an ranked top 10 freelancers in academic and contents writing. I can write and updated your personal statement with great quality and free of plagiarism |
$36 | Chat With Writer |
ONLINE |
Engineering MentorI am known as Unrivaled Quality, Written to Standard, providing Plagiarism-free woork, and Always on Time |
$44 | Chat With Writer |
ONLINE |
Academic MasterGive me a chance, i will do this with my best efforts |
$23 | Chat With Writer |
ONLINE |
Professional Coursework HelpI have read and understood all your initial requirements, and I am very professional in this task. |
$40 | Chat With Writer |
ONLINE |
Instant Assignment WriterHello, I an ranked top 10 freelancers in academic and contents writing. I can write and updated your personal statement with great quality and free of plagiarism |
$31 | Chat With Writer |
ONLINE |
Calculation GuruGive me a chance, i will do this with my best efforts |
$30 | Chat With Writer |
Let our expert academic writers to help you in achieving a+ grades in your homework, assignment, quiz or exam.